14 Weeks

Dearest Beaner,

I am at work right now wishing the day would pass sooner so that I could be home to you. I have effectively plastered your face all over my office and I have caught myself staring at you more than a few times. After about three weeks of being back to work, I was hoping it was going to get easier. Its not. I hate leaving your perfection in the morning and have total mom guilt all day. Guilty about waking you in the morning before your ready to get up for the day. Guilty about not filing your nails before you scratch yourself because I don't have enough time during the week. That you have to drink from the bottles you loathe. That I make you skip naps on the weekend so I can have more time with you. Guilty that I don't know you like I used to when I was home all the time. Trust me, if I could stay with you all day, I would. At least you get to stay home with Auntie B and OMa while I pine for you at work, alone. Oh, woe is me.

You started sitting in your high chair for dinner. A rolled up blanket needs to support you but you must be sitting. Its your new thing. Laying down just isn't cutting it anymore. In your bouncy seat, you have started holding onto your pants to try to pull yourself up. You sit at the head of the table reigning over dinner like a King. You get several toys to play with, that you can hold onto with both hands, trying to get them into your mouth. Sometimes you just watch me eat, it fascinates you. You even roll your tongue over and chew on it. Don't worry it will be your turn soon enough.

The weather is FINALLY starting to get nice. Sitting on the front porch swing is still a favorite and on the back deck if its shady. Either you pass out immediately or your head moves side to side a mile a minute trying to take everything in. You sit on my lap and I tell you stories about the squirrels and vegetable gardens and little boys named Wyatt playing in the dirt. You hate when the sun gets into your eyes. You slam your eyes shut and your little body goes all rigid, bobbing and weaving, to get out of the sun. When I put you over my shoulder to burp you, your body doesn't quite fit anymore. A testament to how you've grown. You lock your legs straight and stand up. I am convinced that when you do start to walk you will be running.

You are still not sleeping through the night. 6 hours was the longest ever and that only happened once. However, I don't really mind it much anymore. Since I am working, the nights have become my alone time with you. Sometimes when you give me sleepy smiles I am tempted to throw the lights on and start playing. We both have settled into a routine at bedtime. You get a bath, nurse, read a book, sing a song, and off to snooze land. After you finish eating, you give a big stretch, your arms reaching over your head. I sing Godspeed by the Dixie Chicks and then maybe You're my Home by Billy Joel while you are cradled in my arms. I look forward to cuddling you all day.

You are a great pleasure to be around. Still such a happy, beautiful baby. You laugh out loud all the time, usually at faces but sometimes for no reason at all. Sometimes you will be sound asleep and start laughing. I always wonder what you are dreaming about. On Saturdays we go to Buckram Stables for breakfast with Nana, Grandpa, OMa, and Auntie De. Everyone loves you there and looks forward to seeing your cuteness each week. You never cry, sit on my lap, and take it all in. I love showing you off and having everyone tell me what a gorgeous baby you are. I never grow tired of spending all my time with you. "Everyday, in every way, its getting better and better." - John Lennon.

I love you everyday,

Mama