72 months, 6 years

My goose,

So now you are 6.  I seem to say this every year, but time is just flying by.  I guess when I found out I was pregnant with you, I didn't allow myself to think this far into the future.  There was baby and there was college but all the in-between was fuzzy.  Now my baby has grown into this miraculous and loving 6 year old with thoughts and plans, and I am just in awe.  I am in awe of this little gentleman that you are becoming.  The way you still call me "Momma" and say "excuse me" and "wait, wait, wait" when I am explaining something you don't like.  When you need a lazy day you tell me "I just don't feel like myself today, Momma."  And when you got angry with me the other day you started yelling, "Why can't you read my mind?  I was thinking about it!  Why can't you tell?".  Because that makes perfect sense.  I wish I could read your mind just so I could get a glimpse of all the thoughts running through your head at any given moment.  A tiny glimpse into this wealth of imagination.  Expect when you are tired and your "imaginator" isn't working. 

We did the whole Disney thing instead of a big kids party but you were still pretty insistent that you have some kind of party.  So, we picked up Ryan, Cubby, Byron and Dylan and had a boys day to see the Lego Movie.  You have been talking about the Lego Movie ever since you saw the preview in June, of last year.  And it just so happened to come out on your birthday weekend.  You all were so mesmerized.  And it was actually pretty good.  Then after you were all hopped up on popcorn and candy, everyone came back to our house for cupcakes and marshmallow Lego heads.  And the family came over after that for a little celebration.  It was understated in comparison to some of your other parties, but it was nice.  I think there is something to be said about a smaller party that is more intimate.  I got to spend more money and time on the 5 of you then just cheap dollar store favors and a two hour time limit for 15.

On the Monday after your birthday, I pulled rank and go to go on a field trip with you.  I had assumed that you would ignore my in favor of your friends because that is what you would normally do on play dates.  But instead you seemed to be excited that I was there.  You wanted to hold my hand and sit next to me on the bus.  In the back of my head, I understand that these days are numbered.  You are not going to want to kiss me goodbye in the morning.  That holding my hand on the way to the bus stop is going to lose its appeal and that is my most favorite part of my day.  When you run to me yelling my name, grab my hand, and I get to ask you about your day before you start running with the other kids.  So I am focused on cherishing every moment.  I am going to love on you every possible second until you won't let me anymore. 

You had to fill out an "About Me" form for your birthday.  Pretty standard.  But when we got to the bottom it asked you what you thought you were good at.  The Legos and Wii came pretty easy but the third one had you stumped.  I was giving you options and you just kept brushing them aside.  Then you settled on "I am really good at sharing my mom."   This surprised me.  I hadn't realized, until that moment, that you might feel like that.  Yes, our lives have changed in the last few months but you never seemed overly concerned.  Yes, I have noticed that you get a little jealous when Dylan wants to sit on my lap for the entire day.  But I think that's normal and I didn't think it carried over to when they aren't over.  Of course, I asked you more about it.  You told me that you have to share me with John, the kids, the house, and the church and you are really good at being patient until its your turn.  I couldn't argue with you. The older you have gotten the more things I have added in our lives to occupy our time.  First it was just work and friends and family, then soccer and baseball, then I added the house, and John, and the kids. When you put it like that you are really good at sharing me.  You are always so patient when I have just one more thing to do.  Or when I have to drag you to the church with me.  Since that conversation, I have been extra careful about making sure you have just momma and me time, at least for a little while, everyday. Because it is important for you to feel like you are not just another priority, you are my first priority. We will always have other people in our lives but I always want you to feel like I have time for you.  And that I love you enough to protect, respect, and make that time.

My wonderful Smush, I will love you until the end of time.  When we play the who loves more game, I am pretty confident I will always win no matter how many times you tell me its not possible.  I couldn't imagine myself or my life without you in it.  You are the biggest part of my heart.  Everyday, my love and pride, and awe for you grows.  I am so proud of you for being able to share me with the rest of the world.  But I am more proud of you for being kind, compassionate, witty, patient, resilient, funny, persistent, outgoing, confidant, forgiving and most of all loving.  You are turning out to be one phenomenal boy.

I love you everyday,
Momma

The Par-Tay!

I rented out the YMCA for Wyatt's big party.  He was so excited about it.  He pretty much invited every kid he came in contact with. Someone at the library, another boy at Home Depot.  At one point he said that no girls were allowed to come but, thankfully, changed his mind.  He wanted a Lego Party. However, I was confidant that not all his friends were as proficient as he is.  So I betted on something everyone could enjoy - the gym a the Y then really hammed it up in the party room and favor boxes.  I think pictures will tell it better.

Wyatt's Lego cake.  I probably could have make it better working with fondant.  But fondant terrifies me.  And since I didn't start on the cake until Friday night, 2 beers in, I decided not to mess with anything new. When Wyatt saw it he exclaimed "Mom!  You're amazing!"  Best. Reaction. Ever.

 The table for the kids in the party room.  Complete with Happy Birthday spelled with Lego Duplo bricks on the mantle.  Not sure if you can really see it, but Wyatt and I wrapped the juice boxes to look like bricks too.  Mom made this Ah-Maze-Ing Lego Minifigure cut out box.  She attempted to take all the kids pictures in the box for the thank you cards.  Some kids were into it, other could care less.  

Wyatt, obviously, thought it was awesome.  So worth it.

This was the cake table.  I also made these chocolate covered marshmallow Lego head pops.  They were super easy and I had a ton of fun making the faces.  There are a lot with varying degrees of facial hair, Harry Potter, handle bar mustaches, and of course one with a Mike Tyson facial tattoo.  We made them for his class on Wednesday too.  Everyone was duly impressed. The boxes in the background are the favor boxes that Wyatt decorated with his Lego stickers. 

Wyatt was really into this.  We spent a good amount of time taking old broken crayons and melting them then pouring them into a Minifigure ice cube tray.  We made a ton of colors and each kid got a set of 5 in their favor boxes. Plus, it was a good activity for Wy and I.  We had some really good chats while unwrapping crayons. I also made a mini coloring book to go with them.  I was mildly nervous that some kid was going to think they were chocolate. 

The staff at the Y were totally amazing.  They kept the kids active and engaged for the whole hour, pulling out new stuff, organizing races, twisting Wyatt up in the parachute.  It was all really cute and was so worth it being able to watch him enjoying his day rather then trying to organize everything. Becca dressed Wy in this totally adorable outfit.  Once Wyatt got running, it was all over.  He kept running up to me saying "I'm sweaty." Then taking off another layer of clothing.  I finally had to tell him there was nothing left to take off.

 Everyone had a great time.  Especially Wyatt.  When it was time for cake, he ran into the other room then immediately asked to go back into the gym.  Kid loves his cake so that is definitely saying something.

I love this picture for 800 reasons.  First, the girl (Sophia) on the left!  Oh my God she is astonished.  Because it took Wyatt astonishingly long to blow out those 5 little candles.  And he got astonishingly close to burning off all his eyebrows.  Don't you want to go there?  Just live your entire life in this photo?

I am so happy that I had the opportunity to make him this happy. Happy Birthday, my love.

Balls....

Cousin William turned 2 at the end of June.

There was a huge party.  Much fun was had.  Much drinking was done.

Why, oh, why do our kids have to grow up?  I am wishing for a few more baby years.  And maybe a pool.  And perhaps palm trees and pina coladas.  Girl can dream, right?

Christmas in Pictures

The tree after Santa came.  Quite impressive if I do say so myself.  On the chair are the milk and cookies that Wyatt left out for Santa.  He also left carrots for the reindeer.  With hummus on the carrots because "the reindeer love hummus too!"

The six stockings on the banister our stockings.  The stockings lining the stairs are for my mom's extended family that come over on Christmas Day.  The family is growing so fast we are running out of stairs! 

We always get Christmas Eve pajamas in our house.  Since Wyatt was born, I have been buying them for my parents too.  This year when we went shopping, Wyatt picked out these lovely Grinch pajamas for Pa and then insisted that Gammy have them as well.

Getting his first look at the tree.  I woke him up (a little) asking "Let's go see if Santa came" because I was so congested Wyatt responded with "Cave?!  Why would he bring a cave?"  He walked right over to the tree, picked up the first gift and asked if he could open it.  I told him we had to wake up Aunt Lizzy and Auntie B.  He threw the present back under the tree and ran upstairs to wake up the girls.

The first present Wyatt opened.  He got  a ton of Lego's which he hasn't stopped playing with.  I think the Lego's are his favorite toy.  However, when we were opening stockings, the absolute last of the gifts, Wyatt opened a tiny matchbox car and exclaimed "this is just what I always wanted!"

The running joke is Lizzy, at 19, gets a Nancy Drew computer game every year.  And she always plays it on winter break usually cheating, might I add.  This year I got her an accompanying WWNDD (What Would Nancy Drew Do!) shirt.  Hysterical.

Wyatt had to play with each toy he opened before moving on the the next toy.  I don't think he understood the extent of the presents because when we were onto the second party of the day he looked at me and asked "Are we going to get more presents?!?" Like he couldn't understand that there could be more to open.

Lizzy being her ridiculous self.  Wyatt picked out those socks especially for Aunt Lizzy.  It was very important to him that she got them.  He thought she would "Love these beautiful dogs!"

Just a typical cousin pile up at my Aunt Carolyn's Christmas brunch.  

The morning after customary Clue game.  I got Rebecca (although she picked it out herself) The Office Clue.  Naturally, I won.

The next morning Wyatt touched my nose with his index finger saying "Hey you.  Hey you.  Look at the windows!  Its morning.  Its Christmas!"  I had to explain that I thought Christmas was over and Wy was adamant that it wasn't. Yes, I love Christmas too.  But I also love the following days of laying around and playing with toys.  Of course the snow totally helped us being land locked, playing with Legos and trains, in our pajamas all day. 

Lizzy got Dad Decision Points.  He began to read it and then fell right asleep.  Wyatt and Auntie B thought a silent Silly String attack was in order.  Dad never woke up.  He stayed like that for a good 2 hours.  Thats what shoveling 2 feet of snow and GWB will do to you.

The Happy Couple

Michael and Joanna got married last week.  It was a small ceremony, and by small I mean parents and witnesses.  After dinner they invited some family and a few friends to celebrate at a bar in NYC.  Since Michael is a Priest they plan to doing a blessing ceremony with the Bishop sometime in the spring.  I was really proud of them for making their wedding about them.  I feel like weddings and sweet 16's and parties in general are becoming more about the pressure to have a big party rather then the gut feeling of who is throwing it.  It was really nice to see Michael and Jo do exact what they wanted without making excuses or apologies.

Of course, at the bar, I was watching them.  They were so happy, like radiating happy, (and forsaking all things sappy) radiating love.  Joanna wore this black strapless dress with trophies and blue ribbons all over it because she was a "Trophy Wife".  I have no idea where she got it but it was quite hysterical.  And Michael had a pocket square to match his suit and her shoes.  It was like they were magnetically attached.   Even if they were back to back, Jo's hand would reach out to find Michael's.  Michael was staring at her all night.  When they weren't attached Michael would sit and watch Jo move.  It is rare to see Michael so engrossed in thought, so contemplative, and so utterly at peace.  It made the gesture all the more astounding.  It makes me well up thinking of someone loving you so much they just want to watch the way you move.

I hate to make this all egotistical.  I am so happy for them but I am just a little sad and mopey for me.  Not that their married, no.  It was seeing a couple so happy just made this hollow pit in my stomach ache as I realized I might never have that.  (It is so obnoxious that I am making this about me.  I have never mentioned these feeling to anyone and now I am touting them on my blog.  Eh) I can feel myself becoming that bitter, lonely, desperate, love-less person and I hate it.  It is getting harder and harder for me to believe in a happy ending.  Maybe I will never find a person that I want to marry.  Sometimes I am ok with that and other times it just makes me sad and lonely thinking I might never find someone to share my life with.  I told someone the other day that I was saving up for a down payment on a house because I can't wait for a mythical fairy prince to sweep me off my feet and make a home with me.  How hopelessly realistic and bitter is that?  It makes me cringe but that is the honest to God place I am at right now.

I am not fishing for compliments or searching for a date.  I just needed to vent a little.  My situation seems a little bleak at the moment.  I don't really have time or motivation to invest in dating.  And it is super unrealistic to think that the man of my dreams is going to knock on my door or drive by on a tractor.  And it would take a pretty selfless man to willingly accept position number 2 on my priority list when Wyatt is so clearly NUMBER ONE (in caps because this is where he will remain and reign).  I keep on reminding myself to be patient and positive but it is just so damn hard sometimes.  Someone recommended that I read Meeting Your Half-Orange.  But the thought of reading a dating/self-help book is making me more depressed instead of optimistic.  Maybe I will give it a try.  If anything it might help to learn how to keep the jaded bitterness out of voice.

The Icing Left Everyone's Mouths Blue

I have so many things that I want to write about; rambling posts about my state of mind and factual posts to add to Wyatt's baby-book known as Bean on the Brain. However, time has eluded me. Its not that I have been super busy, cause I really haven't. Well, here and there. But more like playtime and Netflix have gotten in my way. Oh, Netflix, keeper of my soul, I am so late on your glory train, but let me be the very last to tell you that you are a work of staggering genius. So worth the $9 a month.

But I digress. Wyatt turned two. Remember that?! I really wanted him to understand what a "Birthday" is but its kind of hard to explain to a two year old. Today is the day we celebrate when you came into this world. That's just confusing. We took books out from the Library. I talked about cake and blowing out candles and sang the "Birthday" song about a million times. And just when I thought he was getting it, he ran up to my dad, threw his little arms around his neck and yelled "Happy Birthday, Pa". So close, Wy, so close. He did understand that he was getting presents and that he was going to blow out candles. And when I asked him who's birthday it was he would say "me." But farther then that I am not quite sure.

We searched on the internet and found instructions on how to make a Pablo from the Backyardigans cake. He asked me to make it everyday and I kept holding him off until his birthday. I don't really cook and hardly ever bake. I try but mostly its out of a box or pre-made cookie dough rolls that get half eaten before baked. I like to cook but it has to be when I feel like it and when I have ample time. So, attempting to make this cake, for company, on a time crunch, was a challenge. Seriously, it took more then a nap time. I even melted Starburst's to mould his beak. I thought it was rather ambitious. Totally worth it the moment Wyatt woke up, spotted it, and yelled "Pablo!!!". He refused to eat any dinner. I would try to feed him and he would run into the kitchen, pointing, and questioning "Pablo cake? Eat Pablo cake?". I caught him reaching up and running his finger around the outside, scooping huge globs into his mouth. Hell, it was his cake so I let him do what he wanted. He asked for it again this morning; could I make another. I told him I would think about it. He was ok with that.

I had a small get together, our family and a few friends. I didn't want anything big, just a few kids running (crawling and drooling more like it) and people to sing to him. There will be time for big parties. Rebecca got him trick candles. The kind that re-light. Wyatt was so confused after he blew them out once and then they lit back up again. When he started sounding like he was going to hyperventilate, Elizabeth and I decided to help him out. I was torn between the candles being frustrating for him or kind of hysterical. But then 3 days after his birthday he asked me to put a candle in his pancakes. I did, of course, and sang. I am sure that didn't help with his understanding that we have celebrated his birthday for about 2 weeks now.

He MADE OUT with presents. After all my hemming and hawing about not knowing what to get him. Rebecca got him this Little Tykes grill that he is constantly cooking up hamburgers and hotdogs on. Aunt Em got him a take apart bulldozer that has screws and a screw gun to put it back together. There are just way too many things to list. Just like the fabulous mother I am, I didn't get him anything. I finally dug my heels into the ground and decided to take that trip to Florida I have been planning for over a year now. I booked our plane tickets the day before his birthday. We are going to Disney World for 3 days and then Nana and Grandpa's for 3 days in March. I am so excited for some sun and a mini getaway. So, I guess I got him something but it didn't necessarily have a bow on it.

Mary Poppins Eat Your Heart Out

I am starting to get the urge to nest. This is quite common in the later months of pregnancy. I am sure my mother is thrilled that I might get up off my fat and lazy ass to do something. Maybe I will start cleaning the house and kicking some construction worker butt to get the baby suite done. Lets finish painting, have the carpet laid, and move the furniture in. I want everything to be put away all nice and neat. I want to spend ridiculous amounts of money on sheets, bath mats, candles and curtains.

However, my weirdest urge so far has been laundry. I really, really, really want to rip all the tags off of the clothes, blankets, sheets, and towels we got at the shower. I want to wash them. Do one hundred loads of laundry. I HATE laundry with a passion, always have. But now I find myself fascinating over it, ohh how the mighty have fallen. I want to fold all the cuteness and put it all away in drawers and on hangers in the closet. I want to line up the shoes, unpackage hats, sew strings connecting mittens, and roll his biker baby socks. Speaking of mittens I got the cutest ones the other day at Target. They have airplanes on them and they rattle. Surely they need a sting attached so we don't lose them. I simply cannot hold in my joy and anticipation of laundry!!!

Awe Inspiring

I recently wrote Terry about a sermon I heard but I wanted to share it with all of you as well. The message spoke of God inspiring awe in our lives. That God has created this perfect world for us to take care of and enjoy. We should search out something or someone everyday that makes us step back, take a deep breath, and say 'Wow!' in order to appreciate what God has given our lives. Even if it is a beautiful sunset or a snowfall. The preacher was much more eloquent but that is my three sentence summary.

Most of you know that I am not very religious in the traditional sense of church attendance. But I do try to find time during my day at least to say thanks and acknowledge a greater presence in my life. So, I started thinking about a time pre-pregnancy that I was awe struck. I was thinking and thinking and thinking. I came up with working with Habitat, the people I met, the enthusiasm, the feeling of doing something for the greater good. But for some reason, I thought there should be something more.

My 'something more' came with pregnancy. Everyday I find myself in awe of what is happening to me, my body, and my family. Every time I feel him move inside me, I lose my breath. To become so attached, so quickly, and utterly in awe of a person that I have never met. It is an amazing feeling to know that my body is incubating another. I never had so much respect for my body before. I am awed when I see that tell tale look of pride on my parents face. I am awed that so many people have offered their help, love and support. I am so grateful that I have had the unexpected opportunity to be awed by pregnancy and new life.

This weekend was particularly awesome for me. Rebecca (with the help of some others) planned a spectacular baby shower for Bean on Saturday. It was truly amazing, the details, the effort, the time. I have had my head in this cloud of euphoria every since. I am completely overwhelmed by the entire experience. I have never felt so loved and cared for in my entire life. To know and experience first hand that my support system lies far beyond my family makes me heart-wrenchingly joyous. Being in a room filled with faces that have touched Terry and my lives in miraculous ways and knowing that our child will have all those people as well - I truly don't have the words. (For those that were there, yes, I know I have said that before).

I am awe struck, thunder struck, and all kinds of amazed. You can't even imagine how touched I am by every single one of you and all of your generosity. Seeing our families and friends come together to support and nurture Terry and my decision to have this child was overwhelming for me. I feel so blessed that our child is coming into a world so filled with love and support. My Christmas miracle was all of you. Again, to everyone, thank you, thank you, thank you, you can't even imagine how much this means to me, to Terry, and to Bean.

Registy!!!!

There is this infamous thing called a baby registry. I did not know much about said registry when I first got pregnant but in the next coming months I learn a lot about it. In a store you can make a wish list for all the things that you want for your baby and hopefully people will buy those things for you at your baby shower. It is quite lovely because then you get exactly what you want and not a ton of the same things.

However, I have been having a hard time. Because I simply do not know what I need, how much I need, what specific products are absolutely essential for a 2008 baby. Conveniently these stores give you a list of things they think you need, usually about 3 pages long. I never knew something so little would need so much. Anyway, there were a few things on the list that I thought were absolutely ridiculous that the baby experts deem essential for any new baby.

An example of these 'must have' items that didn't exist ten years ago....

The Wipe Warmer - wipes go in and then warmed to a nice temperature for your precious baby bottom. The purpose is if the babe is half asleep it might go back to sleep if you use a warm wipe on its ass instead of startling it with a cold one. I feel that wipes are a pretty good invention as it is. Besides I tend to think that the wipes might get brown or moldy in a warmer. Of course they probably invented something that doesn't allow them to get moldy for an additional $20.

The Floppy Seat - a fabric inlay for your shopping cart so little fingers stay safe. Generally, cool idea. But some of them are so freaking interactive that they gave me a migraine. They are cushioned, with toys, play music, light up, rattle, and make dinner all in a floppy seat. I totally want one cause I think they are totally unnecessary but a great way to prove to other moms that I have the coolest accessories.

The Wee Block, aka the Pee-Pee Tepee - your baby boys first jock cup, how cute. No really. These exist in all sizes and colors. This one in a fashionable "Wee Man" pattern. I saw another one that said "The Little Pisser". Specifically designed to prevent your lil'guy from peeing in your face. Put one of these over his little pecker during changing time and your safe. Seriously. Seriously, people.

Last but not least...The Hands Free Breast Pump - yes ladies, you can officially become a cow and get milked. I was horrified when I saw this. Horrified. Can you believe that things like this exist?!? Look at this picture. She is so happy being a cow, talking on the phone and getting work done!!! I am going to breast feed but that alone is scary enough. Making yourself into a milking machine is so degrading. I don't even have the words. I swear if anyone gets me this it better be a joke, cause there is no freaking way.