Sunday, February 9, 2014

72 months, 6 years

My goose,

So now you are 6.  I seem to say this every year, but time is just flying by.  I guess when I found out I was pregnant with you, I didn't allow myself to think this far into the future.  There was baby and there was college but all the in-between was fuzzy.  Now my baby has grown into this miraculous and loving 6 year old with thoughts and plans, and I am just in awe.  I am in awe of this little gentleman that you are becoming.  The way you still call me "Momma" and say "excuse me" and "wait, wait, wait" when I am explaining something you don't like.  When you need a lazy day you tell me "I just don't feel like myself today, Momma."  And when you got angry with me the other day you started yelling, "Why can't you read my mind?  I was thinking about it!  Why can't you tell?".  Because that makes perfect sense.  I wish I could read your mind just so I could get a glimpse of all the thoughts running through your head at any given moment.  A tiny glimpse into this wealth of imagination.  Expect when you are tired and your "imaginator" isn't working. 

We did the whole Disney thing instead of a big kids party but you were still pretty insistent that you have some kind of party.  So, we picked up Ryan, Cubby, Byron and Dylan and had a boys day to see the Lego Movie.  You have been talking about the Lego Movie ever since you saw the preview in June, of last year.  And it just so happened to come out on your birthday weekend.  You all were so mesmerized.  And it was actually pretty good.  Then after you were all hopped up on popcorn and candy, everyone came back to our house for cupcakes and marshmallow Lego heads.  And the family came over after that for a little celebration.  It was understated in comparison to some of your other parties, but it was nice.  I think there is something to be said about a smaller party that is more intimate.  I got to spend more money and time on the 5 of you then just cheap dollar store favors and a two hour time limit for 15.

On the Monday after your birthday, I pulled rank and go to go on a field trip with you.  I had assumed that you would ignore my in favor of your friends because that is what you would normally do on play dates.  But instead you seemed to be excited that I was there.  You wanted to hold my hand and sit next to me on the bus.  In the back of my head, I understand that these days are numbered.  You are not going to want to kiss me goodbye in the morning.  That holding my hand on the way to the bus stop is going to lose its appeal and that is my most favorite part of my day.  When you run to me yelling my name, grab my hand, and I get to ask you about your day before you start running with the other kids.  So I am focused on cherishing every moment.  I am going to love on you every possible second until you won't let me anymore. 

You had to fill out an "About Me" form for your birthday.  Pretty standard.  But when we got to the bottom it asked you what you thought you were good at.  The Legos and Wii came pretty easy but the third one had you stumped.  I was giving you options and you just kept brushing them aside.  Then you settled on "I am really good at sharing my mom."   This surprised me.  I hadn't realized, until that moment, that you might feel like that.  Yes, our lives have changed in the last few months but you never seemed overly concerned.  Yes, I have noticed that you get a little jealous when Dylan wants to sit on my lap for the entire day.  But I think that's normal and I didn't think it carried over to when they aren't over.  Of course, I asked you more about it.  You told me that you have to share me with John, the kids, the house, and the church and you are really good at being patient until its your turn.  I couldn't argue with you. The older you have gotten the more things I have added in our lives to occupy our time.  First it was just work and friends and family, then soccer and baseball, then I added the house, and John, and the kids. When you put it like that you are really good at sharing me.  You are always so patient when I have just one more thing to do.  Or when I have to drag you to the church with me.  Since that conversation, I have been extra careful about making sure you have just momma and me time, at least for a little while, everyday. Because it is important for you to feel like you are not just another priority, you are my first priority. We will always have other people in our lives but I always want you to feel like I have time for you.  And that I love you enough to protect, respect, and make that time.

My wonderful Smush, I will love you until the end of time.  When we play the who loves more game, I am pretty confident I will always win no matter how many times you tell me its not possible.  I couldn't imagine myself or my life without you in it.  You are the biggest part of my heart.  Everyday, my love and pride, and awe for you grows.  I am so proud of you for being able to share me with the rest of the world.  But I am more proud of you for being kind, compassionate, witty, patient, resilient, funny, persistent, outgoing, confidant, forgiving and most of all loving.  You are turning out to be one phenomenal boy.

I love you everyday,

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