Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

I thought while I was on maternity leave I would have a lot of time on my hands. I thought that all newborns do is sleep, eat, and poop, allowing for a load of free time. I have a long list of things that I wanted to accomplish during my time spent at home. Unfortunately, Wyatt has other plans for me. He wants my constant attention all the time. Not only does he want my attention, he wants me to hold him even when he is sleeping. I am somewhat guilty of this because most of the time I enjoy holding him. But sometimes, like in the middle of the night, I want him in his crib which he has come to loathe. I would to if I was all comfortable in the crook of someones' arm all day and then got thrown into a cold, lonely crib at night.

My days pass seamlessly into my nights. I don't know what day of the week it is most of the time. He consistently wants to get fed every two hours. That is two hours from the beginning of each feeding. Which means by the time he finishes eating, gets changed, and burped that I have about an hour and 15 minutes to sleep. Sometimes I pump and put bottles in the fridge so I can get a continuous three hours but most of the time my boobs wake me up before he does. They get really hard, painful, and leaky if he doesn't nurse for a while. Ah, the joys of breastfeeding.

My lack of sleep didn't bother me much for the first week. It think it was adrenaline and having Mom and Rebecca sleeping in with me to help for the first couple nights. But lately it has been wearing on my patience. When I do get to sleep, I am out cold and when he wakes up it takes me a while to get out of bed. In the beginning, I would jump up and be fully awake and alert to all of his needs. More recently, I find myself dragging my feet, allowing Wyatt to bunk in with me, and falling asleep while he nurses. Today, I found myself daydreaming of my former uninterrupted nights of sleep.

Everyone tells me to sleep when he sleeps. That is good in theory and I do try. But I also like to be bathed, fed, and check my email once and a while which only happens when he is asleep. He does sleep much more soundly during the day (see: Wyatt sleeping while performing Thriller). I, however, do not. Then when he is awake I like to engage him. I am trying to get him to smile. I love singing silly songs and watching him watch me. I am lucky that I have so many people who are willing to help me change diapers and clothing. I am trying to enjoy every moment because I know it won't last but it is hard at four in the morning when he is crying. It will get easier, I know it will.

Our Story

This might get a little graphic so be warned. I want to tell our birth story.

7:15a.m - I woke up feeling slightly crampy and decided that I needed to go to the bathroom. I rolled over in bed and felt this pop. I assumed it was my water breaking but I had always anticipated that gush of fluid everyone talks about which didn't happen. Regardless, I though the bathroom would be the best place to be.

7:18a.m - Mom was going off to work and I called to her to get my book. I thought it might be a while. I hung out there for a bit but decided that I, in fact, did not need to go and went into the den to join Mom eating breakfast.

7:25a.m - Contractions started up pretty fast and furious. I had been having contractions for the past few days. They weren't bad or anything, maybe one every 10 minutes for a few hours and then they would stop. I assumed that was what was happening because I was convinced that Wyatt was never coming out. I told mom and she started timing them just in case. Sure enough they was about every 5 minutes and getting stronger.

7:45a.m - They started getting really painful to a point where the only position that I could endure them was on my knees hanging over the back of the couch. My mom really hates that couch so I was hoping my water would break all over it so we could throw it out. No such luck. We decided that this was definitely "it" and she went to wake up the family while I took a shower. I know, I know. I probably shouldn't have gotten in the shower. But I figured there was going to be a lot of action going on and I wanted to be clean for it. Plus, I thought I was going to be in labor for like 12 hours because it was my first.

8:00a.m - Still in the shower. My contractions were about 3 minutes apart. I was not timing them but would yell out of the bathroom every time I had one. Unfortunately, I needed to be on my hands and knees when they hit. Yes, on my hands and knees in the shower with the water hitting my back every 3 mintues. So the 5 minute shower I was taking turned into a 20 minute shower. I was completely ignorant to my family running around the house trying to get everything packed and ready. Rebecca called Dr. Diaz to let her know we were on the way to the hospital and then their mission became try to get Kate out of the shower.

8:10a.m - They finally got me out with conditioner still in my hair and proceeded to try and get me dressed. This was a task. I was indifferent to getting dressed and was perfectly content to go to the hospital butt ass naked. There was a lot of me roaming around the house in a towel or on all fours with my butt hanging out. It took both of my sisters hardest efforts to get me into underwears. At one point I remember putting on a shirt that Rebecca gave me but it not being the right shirt. I pitched a fit, ripped the shirt off, and told her to get me the other red one. Clearly, I was not a happy camper.

8:50a.m - I finally made it to the car. Mom was driving with Rebecca passenger. Lizzy and I were in the back with my Dad following in another car. I was kneeling on the back seat with my head hanging over in the trunk. I made my Mom promise that she would drive slowly and that I really was doing ok. Lizzy had a vibrating back massager that she was rubbing me with. It really helped to keep me focused on my back and not on my contractions.

9:00a.m - The hospital is about 30 minutes away. It was the longest car ride ever. My contractions were one on top of another with no break at all. It was some of the most intense pain I have ever felt in my life. However, I knew that it was pain with a purpose. So, each time it got bad I was that much closer to it being over. Mom and Rebecca kept on assuring me that we were almost there but every time I lifted my head to look we were not close at all. Liars, all of them.

9:10a.m - Getting closer but still in the car. Now is about the time that I felt like I needed to push. I told everyone and they started freaking. Seriously, I thought I was going to have the baby in the car. Mom was driving 80 miles an hour and running red lights. It took all of my concentration and will power to not push. Some curses were uttered and I sat on the heel of my foot to keep him in until we got to the hospital. Lizzy stopped massaging me for about two seconds and I said "Do not stop unless I tell you to". Again, laboring women are not very pleasant.

9:25a.m - We arrive at the hospital. Mom sends Lizzy running to tell them that I want to push and am in the car. Literally, about 3 nurses, a midwife, and a guy with a wheelchair come running out to the car. Right behind them is the incubator for the baby and more nurses. Hysterical! They get me upstairs as quickly as possible while my Mom stays downstairs to get me admitted. I don't remember any of this. I think I was trying to be off in my happy place. I do remember holding Lizzy's hand while I was in the wheelchair and for some reason they wouldn't let her in. Lizzy said I was reaching for her as they rolled me away. I don't remember getting in the elevator or going through the lobby. I do vaguely remember being wheeling by the nursery and seeing all these people staring at me. It registered that I probably looked ridiculous but I really didn't care.

9:30a.m - The nurses strip me down and get me into a gown. Lizzy and Mom come in to the very small and cramped delivery room (there were two nurses, a midwife, and a nursing student). They tell me that my water broke (probably when I was in the shower) and I am 9 centimeters but I can't push yet. It was like every instinct in my body was telling me to push and the nurses were telling me not to. My doctor wasn't in the hospital and they wanted Dr. Diaz to deliver the baby. It was the worst 20 minutes of the entire experience. At one point, the nurse was trying to get me hooked up and get a vein in my hand. It wasn't going well. I felt a little discomfort and asked what was happening. They didn't answer me but I looked over and saw blood. Lizzy jumped down the women's throat and asked "What are you doing to my sister" she totally had my back. Lizzy did amazing but I think seeing me in pain was the hardest part.

9:45a.m - I started to loose it a little bit. The nurses were still telling me not to push. My contractions were still every 3 minutes and no one was telling me what was going on. I was trying not to push but it was pretty impossible. The midwife said that I could push if I wanted to but she wasn't going to help me. She was the antithesis of the image I have of a midwife. She was very pushy with a ton of blue eye shadow. It is weird the things I remember. Mom told her to back off and I thought they were going to rumble. She kept on saying that she would deliver my baby but that I should really wait for my doctor. During my contractions she would wholly ignore me and be very negative when I would push. She asked me what the tattoo on my wrist said and my reply was "It's in French and I don't remember what it says right now." Seriously!! I don't think I could have told her my name if she asked. I know she was trying to distract me but I was in a lot of pain and trying to stay focused on having a baby. One of the nurses finally decided to help me out and got in my face, making me breathe during each contraction to keep me from pushing. I tried to calm down and stay focused. I knew that if I lost it completely that I would never gain my composure back and the experience would take a turn for the worse.

10:00a.m - My Dr finally showed up. I found out later that she is not a morning person and enjoys spending Saturdays with her daughters. Bully for her. At least she wasn't on vacation and completely unreachable. Once she came into the room, the stirrups came out, and they started letting me push. I took this part very seriously. I knew that the harder I pushed and quicker he would come out. Mom said that my face was bright red and everyone kept telling me to breathe. Breathing is for wimps. I wanted him out.

10:10a.m - Sometime around now is when I got an episiotomy without a local anesthetic. I am still trying to mentally block out that experience. Lizzy witnessed the entire thing which I think lead to the smelling salt/almost fainting incident. I literally yelled "Holy Crap!!" and then she gave me the local. That definitely was a special time for all of us.

10:20a.m - Every mom told me that I would feel a burn and that is when I would know when he was out. It is so true. God knows how Johnny Cash knew about the Burning Ring of Fire. Once I felt that I knew the next push that he would be out.

10:23a.m - Just how I envisioned they flopped him on my chest with his back facing me. He was not goo covered like I anticipated but more wet. He gave a few cries and then started to pee. That's my little man!! They flipped him around and I got to take my first good look at him. He was just so perfect!! It was honestly like the entire world stopped. I didn't feel much after that. All the pain goes away. It is like a state of euphoria. I couldn't stop staring at him and touching his perfect face.

It all really happened so quickly. I was only in the hospital for about 40 minutes before he was born. To this day when I look at him I still can't believe he came out of me. That my body was capable of creating something so perfectly angelic. It was excellent timing that after they got him cleaned a little and gave him back to me to breastfeed, Rebecca ran in with the phone. She passed it off to me and it was Terry in Kuwait making his way home. He got me crying and blubbering but I was so happy that he got to share in that moment, our son only minutes old. It truly was the most amazing experience in my entire life. And yes, after all that, I would definitely do it again.

Rub A Dub

The family got together for Wyatt's first adventure in the bathtub. I was in charge of the actual bath while Mom, Rebecca, and Lizzy acted like the paparazzi. I was apprehensive. He is so fragile and squirmy without adding water. I was nervous that he would slip out of my hands, hit his head on something, or that I would get water in his eyes. But like all things, I knew it was a necessary evil and I needed to jump in and get the boy clean. I rarely can take showers nowadays so at least Wyatt will be clean and not smelling of sour milk.

Terry didn't understand why I was so nervous. He asked why we even had a baby bathtub. He thought we could throw him in the kitchen sink. Sure, it worked for our parents but so did 8-tracks and 45's. Technology is moving forward, baby bathtubs are the wave of the future. I would have needed about 12 sets of extra hands to wash him in the sink. His tub has a ridge where you can put his butt so he doesn't slip so much. The sink is just the sink which most of the time is dirty.

Anyway, despite my worries, Wyatt did amazing. He was quietly alert trying to figure out what the hell was going on. I think he might have even enjoyed it. He was so relaxed that he decided he needed to poop. Yes, in the new bathtub. It was quite an adventure. We went through two towels but in the end Wyatt was all clean and I still smelled. Baby steps, baby steps.

Bessie and Clara Bell

If the first hurdle of motherhood was having a non-medicated vaginal birth and second was breast feeding. It has been quite a learning experience for both of us. Everyone told me that the first week is the hardest; it gets easier, and stick with it. Well, it has been almost 11 days and it is still pretty tricky. However, it is oddly comforting for me. A feeling I never imagined or expected.

My milk came in the day after we came home from the hospital. I woke up with my boobs heavy like bowling balls. We sat down in our glider chair ready to try this whole milk thing out. My boob started dripping all over the place. We got into position and he gently put his hand up to me and a stream of milk shot him in the face. Seriously. There was milk everywhere. All down my shirt, in his face, all folded in his neck, everywhere. That is pretty much our routine although I am getting better at not getting it all over myself. Wyatt, not so much, he is a mess every time. I am proud of us though. He is catching on like a pro, I haven't given him any formula, and at his last dr's appointment he was almost 9 lbs. Thriving.

I am still getting used to whipping them out in public. Well, not public, but around my family, Terry, and his family. Most of the time I don't mind. I am feeding my son, sustaining a life. There is nothing embarrassing about that but sometimes it's slightly awkward. For the most part though, I really enjoy breast feeding. It is 20 minutes every 2 hours that I get to spend with my son, uninterrupted bonding time. I sing to him, talk to him, sometimes just sit and stare. Even at 3 in the morning I enjoy it, despite sore nipples, leaky breasts, and 25 lbs in my bra. I think we will stick with it. Its got to get easier.

Snoozer

When we were at the hospital, Wyatt did this cooing whenever he was content. It was almost like he was singing. I said that it was all the music and singing that I listened to when I was pregnant. Turns out he was just snoring. Rebecca caught this on video.

My Monkey Boy

I was totally unprepared to have a child. Physically, my belly grew and my body changed. I dreamt and envisioned, with growing anticipation, our new arrival. I washed clothes, decorated our room down to the tiniest details, and built furniture. I stocked up on diapers, wash cloths, and baby shampoo. But I was still so very unprepared. Emotionally, I don't think I could have ever prepared how amazing this would be.

Having him with me hit me like a ton of bricks. Everyone always told me of the undying affection and instant bond but I guess I didn't believe them. I thought that, like all my relationships, we would need time to bond and grow. Time to get to know one another. I thought it would take a while. Yes, I am still learning his quirks and his patterns. But I already feel this instant connection. I hate to be so sappy but I yearn for him when he is not with me. I want to be with him all the time. I want to hold him and just stare. He doesn't even do anything yet and I am enraptured. When I was in the hospital they would take him away at night in his plastic box and I would feel lonely. That after 9 months of holding him in my belly, I feel incomplete without him.

I really hate to be so sentimental (I blame the hormones). I never liked kids. When someone would throw a baby in my arms, I would flinch and become so very awkward. I avoided kids under five where ever I went. I never thought that I would become such a natural at holding a baby in my arms. That I could walk around all day with him in my arms. Even at three in the morning when I am exhausted and he is crying, I love every minute. I am so immeasurably happy.

Now Introducing....

Mr. Wyatt Charles

I am proud to introduce our lovely Bean, aka Wyatt Charles!! I thought that once I saw him that a name would jump out at me. It took me a little longer than I expected but on the last day in the hospital I filled out the paperwork. I know that he is still a baby but when he opens his beautiful blue eyes and looks around to take in the world, he wrinkles his little brow and looks so stoic and serious. Wyatt means 'Little Warrior' fitting considering his father is in the military. At my baby shower, Michael made reference to me being a female warrior while talking about our birthing beads (which were in the delivery room). In the delivery room, my mom kept on telling me I was a warrior. It really helped me to stay focused and concentrate on the task before me. He truly is our little warrior. Of course, he gets the Charles after my Dad who has always been supportive and a truly amazing father to me. Not to mention, provided us with a room with a view to call our own.

I am so immensely in love with this little child. I never imagined that I could love someone so strongly the moment I saw him. It is like my entire world stopped and now I feel lonely when he is not in the room. It is the singular most amazing feeling I have ever experienced. I will do anything for this little man. I promise to post more, as soon as I get more then two hours of sleep and am in between a feeding. This picture on the right was taken about 4 hours after he was born. Such a face on this one!!!

He's Here!

Hey everyone, it's Aunt Rebecca. Yesterday morning at 10:23 Mr. Bean finally made his arrival. He is 8.5 lbs and 19 inches. Kate still isn't sure about a name. He has blonde hair and huge blue eyes. He has the cutest chubby cheeks and perfect little angel lips. We think he looks just like Terry, but every once and a while all I can see is Kate. I know my opinion is biased, but I've honestly never seen such a beautiful little baby boy. He makes the sweetest purring/cooing noise when he sleeps and hardly cries.

Kate went into labor around 7 Saturday morning. By 8:45 we were on our way to the hospital. Her contractions came so fast that they were not even a minute apart. Halfway to the hospital Kate started feeling like she wanted to push, which scared us all to shit. We finally got to the hospital and she was already 9 centimeters dilated. She had to wait for her doctor to arrive for 15-20 minutes and as soon as she walked into the room Kate started to push. 40 minutes after arriving at the hospital, our sweet little bean was out. Kate was so amazing and brave. She never complained and except for a few FUCK ME's she stayed focused. I've never been so proud and in awe of my big sister. Her strength and serenity throughout the labor and entire pregnancy is so inspiring. Lizzy, as Kate's coach, had more courage then I could muster up. She was calm and helped Kate with her breathing the whole time. Except for a little incident where smelling salts were required, Lizzy showed much more maturity than anyone expected. To say she rose to the occasion would be an understatement.

I can't wait to get back to the hospital to see mom and baby. Both are doing wonderful. Mr. Bean is getting the big snip today so wish him well... Here are some pictures so that everyone can ohhh and ahhhh over our perfect bundle of joy.

Only a few minutes old!!

Beautiful Bean

The Big Day!

To my sweet Bean,

I have been waiting to meet you for 9 long months but sometimes it feels like I have been waiting my whole life. As soon as I knew that you were nestled safe inside me, I knew I needed you in my life. You have already brought so much immeasurable happiness, joy, and kindness into my world. And now the next time I cross this threshold, into our home, it will be with you in my arms with a lifetime in front of us.

I can't promise you that I will be a good mom. I can't promise that I will be able make everything better. I hope that I can keep you safe, secure, and happy for your whole life. I might not be your favorite parent and we will have our disagreements but always know that I am doing the best that I can. Because I would never put you or your needs second. I am learning just like you, so be patient with me. What I can promise is that I will always be there for you. I will wipe your tears, stand up for you in any fight, sew on patches to all you tear, and catch you when you fall. I will always been your number one fan and will love you unconditionally no matter what you do or who you are. Simply because you are the joy in my heart. Out of all the other miracles in this world, you are the one that is mine.

This is your beginning. Sure, Terry and I will play our parts but this is your story. I hope that I can make it easier for you. That I can aid you in your journey through this troubled world. Today is the day I have been waiting for. The day my miracle arrives.

I love you everyday.
Your Momma

Induce?!

So, here's the update. Once again everything is looking fabulous. My blood pressure is fine, bean's heartbeat is nice and steady, still dilated, and still pregnant. Dr. Diaz says that I have been taking such good care of Mr. Bean that he doesn't want to come out. Evidently, the Drs go by my original due date which was Feb. 4th. The 10th was a date they gave me after having a sonogram and seeing the baby's growth progress. Which I guess is more of an estimation of when bean will be born. Long story short, I'm overdue and she wants to induce early next week.

I have very mixed feelings about being induced. I definitely want him out. Obviously, I trust my doctor to make the best choices for our health. If she says that I have to get induced for the health of the baby, of course. No questions asked. However, I have been so adamant about no unnecessary drugs, vitamins, drinks, toxins whatsoever for my entire pregnancy. I don't like the thought of introducing drugs into my system that will make my body go into labor. It is suppose to be natural. If I was two weeks past my due date I could understand the health concern but only a week, I am not so convinced. I also read an article about pitocin (the labor drug) being linked to autism. I don't know how true that is because I believe they are trying to link anything to autism simply to have an answer to autism's scary questions. But why take chances?

I think what I need now are old wives tales. I want to try out every labor inducing story I can get my hands on. You think its pineapple, Chinese food, Buckram burgers, spicy red peppers, whatever; I will eat it all day long. Walks around the block, long car rides down bumpy roads, lunges, pressure points, sex (well, that one might pose some problems). I kid you not I will try anything. I called an acupuncturist this morning. I am determined to have this guy as naturally as possible. So, what are your labor inducing stories?

Patience Please

Patience, my ass!!!! Everyone is telling me to be patient. Telling me don't worry, he will come when he is ready. Blah, blah, blah. I want to reach up there and pull him out myself. This is ridiculous. I am suffocating and drowning in being patient and I am sick of it. I am so close to sitting on the couch every night and crying because I am not in labor. This is my bonafide hissy fit. I am stamping my feet and screaming like a Neanderthal toddler. Whine, whine, whine.

Everyone keeps asking me every five seconds how am I feeling. Yes, I am touched by the compassion and genuine concern. Honestly, I feel fine. Bean and I are in a fight I feel so perfectly fine. I don't want to feel fine anymore. Bring on the labor pains!! I want to be screaming, legs in stirrups damn it! Out of all people, I want him out more than anyone else. (I bet you can hear me whining in California). If I had even remotely an ounce of control over the situation he would have been born already. Let me repeat, I HAVE NO CONTROL!! There is nothing I can do but sit back and wait. Trust me, no matter how annoying this is to everyone else times it by twelve and that is how I feel. This child is unborn and already driving me crazy. Just like a man.

Sorry for the rant but honestly, I feel like I am being driven slowly insane. I feel like that scene from the Breakfast Club, in detention on Saturday, looking at the clock twice every minute, bored to tears, the second hand moving torturously slow. I am doing nothing, waiting to go into labor. I got really excited on Monday because I was having a lot of contractions. One every 15 minutes for about 3 hours. And then they just stopped. Blast. I was so upset. I kept waiting for them to get stronger and closer together but they didn't. My biggest fear is I am going to be one of those women who don't know they are giving birth until the baby is in their pants. Well, I've got a doctors appointment today. So, we shall see what she says...

Yeah for February!!!

I made it to February!!! I am so proud of myself. I really wanted to make it to February, now I can finally relax, sit back, and wait for this little miracle of mine. I am getting to the point of being obscenely pregnant where even strangers are concerned for my safety. I feel like a ticking time bomb, at any point I could explode. I was having anxiety about the hospital and the birth but now I want him out. I want my body back and a baby in my arms. We just have to wait.

I went to the doctors on Wednesday and she confirmed the any day theory. I am two centimeters dilated and almost completely effaced. She doesn't think that I will make it to my next appointment on the 6th. But I have heard of people walking around for weeks dilated. So, again it's a waiting game. I also had another sonogram done to give us a final check of the baby, placenta, and umbilical cord placement. Everything looks great. However, unfortunately for me, they gave a weight estimate. 7lbs 10oz. He is a little heifer boy!! I can't believe someone that is almost 8lbs is living inside me. That will be the quickest weight loss program ever! Will keep everyone posted. Tick Tock, Tick Tock...

News from the Front

This is an older email from Terry but people have been asking what he is up to and this one gived the run down. He officially moved south this week and should be home around Valentines day. They keep on moving his dates around but knowing that he is coming home soon is comforting. It is stressful knowing that he has moved so close to Bean's arrival but I am trying to have some faith. Everything has worked out pretty well so far and I pray that it will continue. Keep him in your thoughts.

The real reason for my writing you all is to let you know that I will be moving shortly to a city located a couple of hours south from where I’m currently living. I’m being reassigned to a lead a small team flying. To be honest I’m not all that thrilled about it. I’m the only one leaving my location, I’m losing all my soldiers that I have been in charge for the last 8 months, and I’m going to work with a bunch of new soldiers most of whom just arrived in country. My commander called me into his office and told me that he felt I would be the best person to do it because I will protect our guys from being abused by the new unit which we are now being assigned to. He explained that I will take a small group from our company, soldiers that are from another location in my buddies platoon, and head down. The captain did tell me that this is a good thing, he trusts that I will do what needs to get done, but I’m still not thrilled to have to pack up all my things and leave my guys. He told me I was doing a good job, and that everyone has been noting how mellow and calm I have become in the last few weeks. Other officers have mentioned that to me in the past few days. But I think I the reason I have been pretty chill lately is because everything is working, I can’t explain it, but usually when I start a project I’m kind of a hard ass, not because I want to be, but because in the army you have establish yourself as a person that will not be stepped on. Soldiers will walk all over you if you don’t keep them in line. I’m just frustrated that now when the mission planning is going smooth, flying not to bad, I know the area well and now I have to go somewhere completely new, with new soldiers and start again.

There are both positive and negatives to the situation. The living conditions will be nicer, brick buildings with a bathroom, but I think that’s because there are frequent mortar attacks. The flying will not be as challenging, which I hate because I love the mountain flying, but I think there are more bad people down there, so that’s a little scary. And the final thing that sucks is although I’m in charge of my team, I’m not the overall OIC (officer in charge). The person that is just arrived here and although I have not yet met him, I have a great deal more experience. I’m just hoping this guy utilizes me and is not a tool bag. I’m just nervous about not flying as much now, you guys know me, I’m not one for sitting on the sidelines. So I’m not a happy camper, but I’m hoping it won’t be to bad. The place I’m going has multinational troops, I think the Italians, Brits, and Aussie’s will be there, so it could be cool.

Anywho, that’s about all I have. I will only have the internet for a few more days, then I’m going to disappear probably for a couple of weeks. No worries, I’ll try to figure out a way to communicate when I get set up down there. But I hope to have some access to the internet. Kate is doing well and is probably going to hatch the bean any day now, so that’s pretty crazy. I’ll keep you guys up to date. I’ll try writing again in two weeks when I start my journey back to the U.S for my vacation. Hope all is well, talk to you in a few weeks.