My Monkey Boy

I was totally unprepared to have a child. Physically, my belly grew and my body changed. I dreamt and envisioned, with growing anticipation, our new arrival. I washed clothes, decorated our room down to the tiniest details, and built furniture. I stocked up on diapers, wash cloths, and baby shampoo. But I was still so very unprepared. Emotionally, I don't think I could have ever prepared how amazing this would be.

Having him with me hit me like a ton of bricks. Everyone always told me of the undying affection and instant bond but I guess I didn't believe them. I thought that, like all my relationships, we would need time to bond and grow. Time to get to know one another. I thought it would take a while. Yes, I am still learning his quirks and his patterns. But I already feel this instant connection. I hate to be so sappy but I yearn for him when he is not with me. I want to be with him all the time. I want to hold him and just stare. He doesn't even do anything yet and I am enraptured. When I was in the hospital they would take him away at night in his plastic box and I would feel lonely. That after 9 months of holding him in my belly, I feel incomplete without him.

I really hate to be so sentimental (I blame the hormones). I never liked kids. When someone would throw a baby in my arms, I would flinch and become so very awkward. I avoided kids under five where ever I went. I never thought that I would become such a natural at holding a baby in my arms. That I could walk around all day with him in my arms. Even at three in the morning when I am exhausted and he is crying, I love every minute. I am so immeasurably happy.