Deep Breaths

I am diving head first and not looking back. As reckless as it may seem and beyond all reason, I quit my job today. It is enthralling, liberating, and terrifying. I know that many people stay in jobs that they hate or even loathe for all of their lives because it provides financial stability and structured routine. I am not one of those people. I need to be challenged and inspired in my job. I need to feel that I am making a difference. That I am working to help someone other then myself. As I am sure you can tell, it is the one area in my life that I am overwhelmingly unhappy. I have been fantasizing about quiting for a very long time and am so overjoyed that this day has finally come.

Several things motivated me for this change. First and foremost, Rebecca has begun her adventure into MSW land. She has spoiled me this summer providing astounding care to Wyatt and enabling me to go to work without a worry in my heart. Wyatt adores Aunt B more than I can express in words. He lights up when she is in the room. He often looks to me for comfort but always to Rebecca for laughs and playtime. They are so in tune with one another and often seem like the only people together in a crowded room. I knew that Rebeccas time as "The Best Babysitter in the WORLD" was limited but the thought of daycare paralyzes me. I know it may sound silly but I am not ready. Daycare is great and Wyatt will go there eventually. I believe it does wonders for socialization but I want Wyatt to be able to communicate with his caregivers. Right now he gives his cues subtly and only the experience of being with him all the time will you understand his language. Once he is able to portray his needs in body language, words, or other forms of communication will I be pacified. At least I can admit that I am being over protective.

I am thrilled that I will be home with Wyatt. I miss getting to take him for walks during the day. I signed us up for a Mommy and Me reading time for 6-18 month olds at the library. I am excited to watch him grow in front of my eyes. I am sure that there will be some adjustment period for both of us but there is no where I would rather be than with him. I don't want to miss a minute. Hopefully, being home will allow me to feel less guilty about leaving him. There might be more opportunity for me to go out, to enjoy being 26 with friends.

As for the money part of quiting, that is what has me terrified. Currently, I am doing well with my part-time creative job in NJ and potential Walmart residuals. However, it is always Murphy's law that it goes well while I am working full time and once I have quit my phone will stop ringing. Lets pray that it is not the case. I am pretty frugal and thrifty and while living at home my expenses are limited. I am hoping that working part time and caring for Wyatt full time will give me an opportunity to take on other endeavors. Possibly writing some more, pitch some freelance articles, think about a masters degree, maybe volunteer at a shelter with Wyatt. The adventures are endless and the world is our oyster. Last day of work is around the 15th, counting the days.