Episiotomies are not fun. It couldn't possibly be pleasant because I have had stitches before but I never imagined how uncomfortable it would be. I was sucking down Motrin every four hours. My Dr. wanted to prescribe me a percocet but I couldn't take them because I was breastfeeding. Sitting, standing, or really any movement at all was traumatizing for a good week. Everyone wanted to know if I asked how many stitches I got. Hell no. I don't want to know. Maybe I will ask after she is all healed up but in the mean time I am going hang tight. There are some things that should remain a mystery.
Hemorrhoids really suck. Until three weeks ago, I had no idea what a hemorrhoid was. The day I gave birth, I was chillin' in my hospital bed and my butt really hurt. I kept on telling my Mom and she kept on correcting me, she doubted that it was my butt that was causing me trouble. I assumed it was my episiotomy that was hurting but for some reason it felt like my butt. A nurse came in to check me and casually mentioned that she would give me some cream and a butt pillow for my huge hemorrhoids. What?! No wonder I couldn't sit down. I guess while pushing out a baby I happened to push out some other things as well. I hope to never have to experience that again. Word to the wise - always say yes to the butt pillow.
Continuing on with the butt theme, a taboo topic in our house was if I would poop on the table. Yes, my sisters were taking bets on my bowel movements in hopes for ultimate humiliation. It does make sense that it would happen. I mean with all of that pushing, its understandable. I refused to think about it. Whatever was going to happen in the delivery room I trusted would stay in the delivery room. (The picture that Lizzy took of my placenta did not stay in the delivery room. Lizzy and I had words over that.) When it did come time, I totally forget about pooping. Lizzy didn't and asked the doctor. Turns out, I didn't. Three cheers for a poopless delivery.
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