Ouchie

Wyatt got his first shot yesterday. I swear it was more nerve wracking for me than for him. He didn't know it was coming. I couldn't even look. It took all of three seconds and he cried harder than I have ever heard before but calmed down as soon as I picked him up. Mommy can always make everything better.

I know that his vaccinations are what is best for him but it is very difficult for me to see him hurt. Especially voluntarily hurt. I understand that there will be times that he is in pain. He will fall down. He will launch himself out of his vibrating seat to grasp at something colorful. I will drop him when he flings his weight backwards and I have my hands full. He will bump his head at some point. I am emotionally trying to prepare myself for the eventuality of his first tumble already. Believing that if I prepare now I won't be as traumatized later. I doubt it. I believe no matter how old your child is it will always be hard to see them get hurt, physically or emotionally.

I found his circumcision particularly traumatizing for me. I locked myself in the bathroom at the hospital and was crying on the toilet seat after they took him. I know he won't remember and now that it is done its not even a blip on my radar. But at the time, it was awful. Knowing that I elected for him to get an essentially cosmetic procedure done two days after birth ripped my heart out. Not to mention, the hospital did a particularly bad job at the execution. The execution of preparing me, not the actually procedure, that went fine.

They told me it was going to be done in the morning and that I shouldn't feed him. Then by about 1p.m with him ravenous they told me it was not going to be done until the next day. Ahh, relief, for a hot minute. Then out of nowhere, I was talking to Terry on the phone about name possibilities and they came and wheeled him away. I didn't even get to say goodbye. Dramatic, yes, but it honestly upset me. I hung up on Terry (literally), signed some forms quickly before I started crying, and hid in the bathroom. I heard his box being wheeled back down the hall about 30 minutes later. He was fine, not crying, and slept for the rest of the day.

I guess I am learning a woe of parenting. There will be times when for the good of the child, I will have to cause pain. Hopefully, it won't be often because I don't think I can handle it. A vaccine is one of many examples. I am sure there will be times when I spare him hurtful information just to have it come bite me in the ass later. Or he will be upset because I won't let him have a sleepover. Or can't buy him 12 toys at Toys R Us. All I know is that I cannot stand to hear him cry. Every time he does I come running. I will do anything to get him to stop. I am a nurturer. Call him spoiled, I don't care. I want him to have all his needs met all the time.