Bearsy

Our family dog, Bear, passed away on August 15th. She had been with us for almost 16 years. She was a great dog, the best dog really. I get choked up just thinking about her. She was loyal, friendly, reliable, and fit our family to a tee. I have tons of memories of her, as do most of the people that remember her. She was a staple at our house and was always symbolic of coming home to me. She was always so excited when we all were home.

The way we got Bear is a great story. Becca and I really wanted a dog, Lizzy was a newborn at the time. My parents, thinking they were very clever and that we would never pull it off, told us we could get a dog as long as we raised enough money. Once we raised $500, we could get a puppy on one condition, that the dog didn't shed. After receiving our ultimatum, Rebecca and I set to work. We had lemonade stands, rolled coins, collected all of our broken, unused toys, and sold them. We made signs that screamed adorable saying "Saving for a Puppy Sale". Neighbors would actually pull up and hand us $20's. Needless to say, we had the money in about a month. The rents were shocked but couldn't go back on their word. I think it was around October when we came home with Bear, a cockapoo. I was 10, Becca 8, and Lizzy a tender 5 months. Bear was a constant source of joy since the day we brought her home.

I have been dreaming of her a lot lately, quite vividly. Because I see her so often at night I have started looking for her during the day. I will open the back door as to let her in. Or cut up left over meat to feed to her. Or expect her to run around the corner when I come home. It still really hurts when she is not there like an open wound. Its not just me either. My whole family misses her. Our house is just not the same. It always feels like there is someone missing and after having her for 16 years, there is. Mom found Bear's baby (this toy she loved that looked like her) when she was cleaning out the back hall. She wouldn't have done well with all of this construction, all these people mulling about. She would have been very stressed and confused. So, maybe it is for the best that she passed when she did. The same day that I told Terry I was pregnant. Its weird how things work that way.

I was thinking that maybe when Bean gets older, around 2 or 3, we could go to the shelter and get him a dog. A young boy needs a big dog. I loved watching Lizzy grow up with Bear and I think that Bear's friendly temperament had a lot to do with having young children around. It makes me happy thinking about Bean running around the backyard with a puppy. I know it is years away but I don't know if I will be ready to bring another dog into our house. Right now, I am definitely not ready. I don't want another dog. I just want Bear. Maybe when I stop looking for Bear I will know that I am ready for a new dog and not a replacement. For now, its only Bear.