All Hallows Eve - A Photo Journal

Kari, Wyatt and I traveled door to door using the cutest blue monster to get candy.  Yes, that's right.  I'm not ashamed.  It was great fun and Wyatt enjoyed it too.

You're not really famous until people start carving your face in a pumpkin.   I would love to take all of the creative credit for this masterpiece but the truth is Lizzy found a template on the internet and I carved it.  Still I think it came out pretty awesome.

Wyatt's Halloween fangs.

Lizzy stayed home from school and I put her to work.  I got all our decorations down from the attic and decided that the front tree needed to be covered in spiders.  I elected Lizzy to do the climbing.  Once she was up there I abandoned her to get the camera because I had to document.  Literally, she was laying across the dead branch and all I could do was laugh.

Happy First Halloween!!!

Run Away, Run Away and Say Goodbye

I decided after almost 9 months of thrilling captivity it was time to venture out into the real world.  My brain has been feeling rather mushy lately motivating me to do something or risk letting my social skills atrophy from lack of adult contact.  The last few times I have gone out I noticed that I was experiencing slight social anxiety, something that has never happened to me before.  I took this as a red flag that I need to make an effort to get out more often.  I know I am a good mom but I probably could be an even better mom if I took some more time to myself every now and again.

It has taken me this long to spend a night away for several reasons.  First, while I was breast feeding it was pointless because I would have to get up to pump anyway.  Second, while I was working I would feel guilty leaving him for more than I had to since I was working 30 hours a week already.  Third, my babysitters are mainly my mom and sister.  They work all day and my mom on Saturdays.  They deserve to have their weekends free to do what they please.  Why should they give up their free time so I can have some?  I am so grateful for the help that they provide during the week that I am very hesitant to exploit their kindness over the weekend.

I synced schedules with all of my babysitters and was off around 9:30 Saturday morning trekking to CT meeting up with Kelly then to MA to Mia and returning at 10:30 Sunday night.  We carved pumpkins, drank a ton, caught up, laughed our heads off, and played drinking games that I forgot existed.  I adore these girls and was so excited to get to spend quality time with them.  It was liberating to stay up late and not worrying about waking up to fetch binkies all night.  I actually felt like I was 24 again for a few hours.  Good for the sanity and the soul.

Once I made my way to bed, highly anticipating an uninterrupted night of sleep, I found myself  staring at the ceiling.  I could not sleep at all.  On Sunday, I was surprisingly antsy to get back to him.  I know that missing him after spending 12 hours away is silly but it happens.  I'd envision his chubby cheeks and want to kiss them immediately.  Proof that I can cease worrying about him for a few hours but he is never fully removed from my conscience.  

Wyatt spent the weekend with all of his grandparents and his Auntie B.  Mom and Rebecca took Wy to the aquarium which he loved and was fascinated by.  When I got home Wyatt grew about an inch and seemed to gain about 5 lbs.  More accurately he now has two top teeth but instead of his front teeth he has gotten the two eye teeth.  Perfect in time for Halloween.  Our little vampire.  I was absolutely rejuvenated on Monday and had an amazing stay at home day playing, dancing, and laughing.  It was really lovely getting a night out but it was also really nice coming home.

Eyelashes Begging for Mascara

Whiney Ranting - Be Warned

I was once again under the misinterpertation that I would be able to get things done while I was at home. Wyatt was on a fairly decent schedule of 2 naps a day while I was working. I foolishly assumed that when I was home the 3 napping hours would equal lots of productivity. Some days it works out but most of the time I still feel tasks piled upon me. Or worse yet I feel like I got a lot accomplished then take a step back and realize I have done only a fraction of what could have been.  I guess, on a good day, I feel like I can get all my chores accomplished but I never seem to have enough time to focus on personal things. Things like getting freelance articles together to see if I can sell them to magazines; or looking for jobs in case I stumble upon my dream job; or collecting pictures to start Wyatt's scrapbook; or calling to catch up with friends; or reading my Ferber book to try to get Wyatt to sleep through the night.

Recently he seems to be consolidating his sleep. He will be out for 45 minutes in the morning which is about the time it takes me to eat breakfast, shower, and get ready. Then in the afternoon he might sleep for 2-3 hours but I never really know how long so it is hard to plan anything. There is nothing that I hate worse then starting something that I cannot finish. It kills me, like when you are trying to remember an actors name in a movie. Its hangs over my head until it is completed. In the afternoon I try to get laundry done, clean a bit, make baby food, eat lunch, and pack the car if we are going out.  Yes, I do have night time. Wyatt goes to sleep around 8:30 but he is still waking 1-2 times a night. I try to get to bed early and before my bedtime I write this blog, check email, maybe catch a TV show that I have DVRed and doesn't contain Mickey Mouse, the Backyardigans, or Johnny and the Sprites.

I guess what this long winded whine of a post is trying to say is that I feel pressed for time, all the time.  Which I guess is a truth to all life regardless of how many dependents you have.   I guess when I was single I at least had the time to procrastinate.  Now, I feel that every second of my life needs to be used in a productive way.  I have always been a good multi-tasker but this juggling has been elevated to an art form.  I truly love staying home with Wyatt but every once and a while (a rare while) I get overwhelmed with how structured my life has become.  Overwhelmed with how many daily tasks are on my to-do-list and with how my own needs have been thrown by the wayside. 

I thought that maybe I should cash in on some of the numerous and generous sitter offers so I could spend some time getting things accomplished.  But then I first remember how anal I am regarding Wyatt and secondly I remember how distressed, bored, and antisy I get when he sleeps past 2 hours.  I remember how I pace around the house looking for small tasks to occupy myself until he wakes up.  I never expected that I would be this kind of protective parent.  One of the many things I learned about myself this year.  As a makeshift solution, I have started utilizing the playpen.  Wyatt is perfectly content in there surrounded by toys playing happily so I have been allowing myself guiltless chore checking.  I really don't mind that much but need to vent every now and then.  I like to feel accomplished at the end of the day and I seem to been running on a deficit lately.  I'll get there eventually.  

Growl if Your Happy

I got this MacBook for my birthday but being a new Mac user I have no idea how to work anything.  Well, I found this PhotoBooth application that can do videos.  Wyatt is fascinated with it.  He loves watching the handsome baby on the screen and frequently tries to eat, drool on, or hug the screen.  I especially like this video because it captures him growling.  He growls all the time.  Dad thinks he growls when he is proud of himself.  I just think he is a growler. Enjoy!

Peek A Boo!

Barack the Vote

This election is terrifying to me for a number of reasons.  First off having Wyatt has forced me to look beyond my own lifespan and generation.  I often think about what his future will hold with all the mess that we are making now.  I don't want his life to be harder because of something I did.  I want him to be able to swim in oceans not polluted, eat foods free of pesticides and hormones, and have his world rescued from dependancy on oil.  I want him to live the American Dream, buy a house, be able to afford an ivy league education, and have the option of universal healthcare.  I want him to grow to be proud of his country for its beauty, the intelligence of its population, and our ability to achieve world peace with conversation not guns.  Yes, it might be a utopian wish but when you become a parent you will always want the absolute best for your child.  

I have looked at each candidate for the policies they are presenting.   I like to elavuate each ticket regardless of the party they belong to.  I have read Obama's Blueprint for Change and glanced at McCain's Country First: On the Issues.  I have been taught to evaluate, educate, and make informed decisions.  The past 8 years have brought us to war, led our economy to shambles, and have made us laughable to the world.  We need a change.  We need our country back.  I want a competent leader that will renew the American spirit, make lasting reform, and reinstate our position as a world leader.  We do not need a continuation of the last 8 years.  Clearly, Barack Obama is my President.  

I am registered independent so I can vote for the candidate that I agree with rather then voting along party lines.  I don't know when people started associating with political parties like they do religion.  I believe that there is a fundamental problem with our two party system.  We need more choices. Ralph Nader is running again but why hasn't he been asked to participate in the debates?  Due to this lack of qualified, equal choices our country is highly divided and I am worried that it is not going to get much better in my lifetime or in Wyatt's. We need more than just black and white.  I don't agree with all of Obama's views but I do feel that he is the right choice for our country.

We have so much riding on this election.  I have tried to make whatever difference that I can because I feel that I cannot sit idly by and watch my beloved county fall again into the hands of good ole' boy leadership.  I volunteered to run the polls on election day.  I signed up for Obama's Neighbor to Neighbor program that calls constituents in battleground states.  We took Wyatt to his first political rally and he was the cutest Obama supporter there.  We all need to be more active in our country's future.  We all need to stand up for what we believe in and not grow complacent in these last few weeks.  It is not too late, there is still hope.

8 months

Buster Brown, 

Another miraculous month.  You have begun to see and interact with your world in the most astounding ways.  It is hard to get you to sleep at night because you are always so curious about everything.  The shadows on the wall, my unused alarm clock, the glass of water, and the sound of the heat turning on are all very intriguing at 3am.  I have begun talking to you at night so you turn your focus to me and I can bore you back to sleep.  Usually, I am proclaiming the benefits of sleeping through the night or how cuddly and warm your bed would be if you were in it but sometimes I resort to stories about chipmunks or badgers.     

You are a second away from crawling.  You get on your hands and knees and go backward usually cornering yourself between furniture.  Sometimes you rock back and forth, then inch forward and then fall on your tummy.  I don't know if I am excited about this monumental development or terrified.  Right now, I can sit you on the floor surrounded by toys, run to get a glass of water, and be confident that you will be right where I left you on my return.  Once you get independently mobile its a whole new ball game.  You will be everywhere and into everything.   

Basically, I am terrified about baby-proofing.  Sometimes, I crawl around on the floor to look at things from your angle.  All I see are wires that can wrap around you, electrical sockets, books that you will slobber on, cat food to eat, ceramic things that could fall on your head, and lots and lots of choking hazards.  So, please for my sanity, hold off on crawling and walking.  It can wait.  You are doing just fine in your walker zipping around the house and terrorizing the cats.  You get into lots of trouble in that thing.  I can't image what you will do without the bumper barrier on the walker.

Now that the weather is beautiful we spend most of our time outside on the lawn.  I set up camp out front so you can watch the cars go by.  I grab a blanket, some toys, and we sit for hours taking in each blade of grass.  We have also been taking a lot of outings.  This weekend we went to the Apple Festival and last weekend to Harvest Day and to see Otto the Ghost.  You have taken 2 hay rides and became quite enamored with the big horse.  Daddy and I took you to the Central Park Zoo.  You liked the animals but you LOVED the carpeting on the walls in the penguin exhibit, the little British girl at the Polar Bears, and the pigeons all over the park.  I think the Aquarium is next.  I love taking you out and watching strangers bend to look at you and ask questions.  You attract all sorts of people.  The other day this elderly gentlemen actually did a jig in the grocery store to get you to smile.  You didn't but I sure did.   

I love you everyday.

Mommmmmmm (thats how you say it)

Our Pumpkin Head

Hilarious

I know that this is a little late but totally worth the wait.   These last two debates have been surprisingly uneventful.  I was anticipating the VP debate like Christmas morning.  I enjoy Joe Biden but he is a loose canon.  He says anything that comes to his mind.  And Sarah Palin is, well, Sarah Palin.  I thought there would be a complete train wreck on either side.  I thought Biden was respectful, knowledgeable, showed experience and character.  Palin didn't puke, answer any of the questions, or say anything absolutely horrific.  So, I guess that qualifies as a success.   Last nights debate was more of the same and dare I say rather boring.  We will see what the Hofstra debate brings.  In the mean time, enjoy. 

 

The Real Maverick

I believe that there are defining moments in our lives that shape the people we become.  Looking back on my life, I can pinpoint moments that changed the way I viewed the world or viewed myself.  Moments that solidified my morals or made a significant enough impact that made me question and revaluate.  Usually these moments are not very happy times but looking back you can see what you learned from them and somehow gain more respect for them.

When I was in high school, right around 1998, our mom was diagnosed with Hepatitis C which was traced back to a blood transfusion from her childhood.   Almost 10 years ago, this liver disease was just beginning to emerge into public knowledge.  There was little research and the information that was available was scary.  I can vividly recall my mother's experimental treatment.  There were days that she was very sick; days that she become a figment of herself and days that I would rather keep in the back of my memory.  Thankfully after a year of self injections, mom has been HepC free.  I believe that my mom's poor health when I was growing up has made me a more compassionate adult.  I have a great respect for good health and the void it leaves when someone is ill.  My appreciation of my family has grown deep and unconditional.

This past month our family has once again been haunted by HepC.   Lizzy has been not feeling well for the past two years.  She has been complaining of exhaustion, sinus infections, joint pain, and lack of appetite.  It never remotely crossed our minds that Lizzy might have contracted HepC since when mom was diagnosed we got tested.   However, there seemed to be some kind of mix up and we all had to get retested.   Rebecca and I were negative and Elizabeth was positive.  I can't even begin to describe the deep pit that forms in my stomach even as I say these words.

Lizzy started her treatment, that is frighteningly similar to our mom's, about two weeks ago.  She is on two medications, one oral and another that she injects, that are chemotherapy treatments. I can not believe how strong she has been.  My high school self would have thrown the biggest pity party and would have been playing the worlds tiniest violin everyday.  Not Lizzy.  It took her two minutes to inject herself for the first time whereas my mom admits her first shot took about an hour. She has been going to school and to work with a fever, feeling light headed, nauseous, headaches, and several other flu like side effects that would knock even the strongest patient to the couch.  She doesn't have to do any of this, but she does.  She has blown all of us away with her optimism, her strength, her motivation, and her ability to push through everyday.  

It has been disheartening for me watching Lizzy going through this.  It is her senior year of high school, a year of SAT's, college applications, partying, and friends.  She doesn't need this.  I often wish that it could have been me.  I think its called survivors guilt.  I am trying to keep focus. Focused that it will only be a year at most and then hopefully we can say goodbye to HepC forever.  Maybe, someday, Lizzy will be able to look back on this time and have a realization of her own.  Maybe she will understand that being sick has made her a more compassionate doctor.  A true empathetic doctor would be a rare treat in this world and would certainly take her to the top of her class.  Right now, Lizzy is pushing through and we are all just trying to hold her hand in the process.

When Irish Eyes are Smiling