Whiney Ranting - Be Warned

I was once again under the misinterpertation that I would be able to get things done while I was at home. Wyatt was on a fairly decent schedule of 2 naps a day while I was working. I foolishly assumed that when I was home the 3 napping hours would equal lots of productivity. Some days it works out but most of the time I still feel tasks piled upon me. Or worse yet I feel like I got a lot accomplished then take a step back and realize I have done only a fraction of what could have been.  I guess, on a good day, I feel like I can get all my chores accomplished but I never seem to have enough time to focus on personal things. Things like getting freelance articles together to see if I can sell them to magazines; or looking for jobs in case I stumble upon my dream job; or collecting pictures to start Wyatt's scrapbook; or calling to catch up with friends; or reading my Ferber book to try to get Wyatt to sleep through the night.

Recently he seems to be consolidating his sleep. He will be out for 45 minutes in the morning which is about the time it takes me to eat breakfast, shower, and get ready. Then in the afternoon he might sleep for 2-3 hours but I never really know how long so it is hard to plan anything. There is nothing that I hate worse then starting something that I cannot finish. It kills me, like when you are trying to remember an actors name in a movie. Its hangs over my head until it is completed. In the afternoon I try to get laundry done, clean a bit, make baby food, eat lunch, and pack the car if we are going out.  Yes, I do have night time. Wyatt goes to sleep around 8:30 but he is still waking 1-2 times a night. I try to get to bed early and before my bedtime I write this blog, check email, maybe catch a TV show that I have DVRed and doesn't contain Mickey Mouse, the Backyardigans, or Johnny and the Sprites.

I guess what this long winded whine of a post is trying to say is that I feel pressed for time, all the time.  Which I guess is a truth to all life regardless of how many dependents you have.   I guess when I was single I at least had the time to procrastinate.  Now, I feel that every second of my life needs to be used in a productive way.  I have always been a good multi-tasker but this juggling has been elevated to an art form.  I truly love staying home with Wyatt but every once and a while (a rare while) I get overwhelmed with how structured my life has become.  Overwhelmed with how many daily tasks are on my to-do-list and with how my own needs have been thrown by the wayside. 

I thought that maybe I should cash in on some of the numerous and generous sitter offers so I could spend some time getting things accomplished.  But then I first remember how anal I am regarding Wyatt and secondly I remember how distressed, bored, and antisy I get when he sleeps past 2 hours.  I remember how I pace around the house looking for small tasks to occupy myself until he wakes up.  I never expected that I would be this kind of protective parent.  One of the many things I learned about myself this year.  As a makeshift solution, I have started utilizing the playpen.  Wyatt is perfectly content in there surrounded by toys playing happily so I have been allowing myself guiltless chore checking.  I really don't mind that much but need to vent every now and then.  I like to feel accomplished at the end of the day and I seem to been running on a deficit lately.  I'll get there eventually.