The Real Maverick

I believe that there are defining moments in our lives that shape the people we become.  Looking back on my life, I can pinpoint moments that changed the way I viewed the world or viewed myself.  Moments that solidified my morals or made a significant enough impact that made me question and revaluate.  Usually these moments are not very happy times but looking back you can see what you learned from them and somehow gain more respect for them.

When I was in high school, right around 1998, our mom was diagnosed with Hepatitis C which was traced back to a blood transfusion from her childhood.   Almost 10 years ago, this liver disease was just beginning to emerge into public knowledge.  There was little research and the information that was available was scary.  I can vividly recall my mother's experimental treatment.  There were days that she was very sick; days that she become a figment of herself and days that I would rather keep in the back of my memory.  Thankfully after a year of self injections, mom has been HepC free.  I believe that my mom's poor health when I was growing up has made me a more compassionate adult.  I have a great respect for good health and the void it leaves when someone is ill.  My appreciation of my family has grown deep and unconditional.

This past month our family has once again been haunted by HepC.   Lizzy has been not feeling well for the past two years.  She has been complaining of exhaustion, sinus infections, joint pain, and lack of appetite.  It never remotely crossed our minds that Lizzy might have contracted HepC since when mom was diagnosed we got tested.   However, there seemed to be some kind of mix up and we all had to get retested.   Rebecca and I were negative and Elizabeth was positive.  I can't even begin to describe the deep pit that forms in my stomach even as I say these words.

Lizzy started her treatment, that is frighteningly similar to our mom's, about two weeks ago.  She is on two medications, one oral and another that she injects, that are chemotherapy treatments. I can not believe how strong she has been.  My high school self would have thrown the biggest pity party and would have been playing the worlds tiniest violin everyday.  Not Lizzy.  It took her two minutes to inject herself for the first time whereas my mom admits her first shot took about an hour. She has been going to school and to work with a fever, feeling light headed, nauseous, headaches, and several other flu like side effects that would knock even the strongest patient to the couch.  She doesn't have to do any of this, but she does.  She has blown all of us away with her optimism, her strength, her motivation, and her ability to push through everyday.  

It has been disheartening for me watching Lizzy going through this.  It is her senior year of high school, a year of SAT's, college applications, partying, and friends.  She doesn't need this.  I often wish that it could have been me.  I think its called survivors guilt.  I am trying to keep focus. Focused that it will only be a year at most and then hopefully we can say goodbye to HepC forever.  Maybe, someday, Lizzy will be able to look back on this time and have a realization of her own.  Maybe she will understand that being sick has made her a more compassionate doctor.  A true empathetic doctor would be a rare treat in this world and would certainly take her to the top of her class.  Right now, Lizzy is pushing through and we are all just trying to hold her hand in the process.