The Horrific Rules

Rebecca recently received a book called The Rules. It is a book of rules that women should use to get a guy to marry them. I am not going to go into how she obtained this book. I believe it was well intentioned but thoroughly misguided. Rebecca is an amazing women and entirely capable of attracting men without following rules. It has become somewhat of a focal point to our dinners lately. I am wildly intrigued and completely shocked all at the same time. This book has made my jaw drop every time I have picked it up.

Here is a taste of The Rules: Be a creature unlike any other. Even if your not carefree and happy pretend to be. Don't talk to a man first. Always move around in a social setting, never sit. Don't stare at a man, look demurely. Don't talk to much. Don't call him and rarely return his calls. Always end phones calls or dates first. Don't accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday. Men like women who are fashionable and sexy, in bright clothing. Don't expect a man to change or try to change him. No more then casual kissing on the first date. Don't open up to fast. Be honest but mysterious. Count to 5 before saying yes to a date. Don't get sloppy with your looks. Always wear lipstick and look your best even when going to the gym. Change your bad habits. Men like women who are neat and clean. Pause between sentences, don't babble on out of nervousness, breathe slowly, and walk briskly with your shoulders back. Respond once for every four of his emails. Close the deal - do not date men for more than two years.

So, pretty much I'm screwed. No, kidding. I am astounded that things like this exist. Utterly dumbfounded that post-feminist women would govern their actions by a rule book. This book was on the bestseller list!! It is baffling. However, I find myself enticed. I would never follow these rules but want to know what they are. It is like someone picking their nose in the car next to you at a stop light. I know I shouldn't watch but I have to because its disgusting. Like when someone at work farts accidentally, I don't want to be the adolescent girl laughing but I am.

I do like the concept of not giving men top priority. I find that most women focus too much on men, revolve their lives around men, myself included. Some of these rules seem to discourage placing too much emphasis on dating. Focusing on the principle that you have to have a life in order to have a love life. However, rather then pretending not to care or be unavailable, you should actually not care. Don't accept Saturday dates after Wednesday because you ACTUALLY have plans. Find a person that is an pleasant addition to your already fulfilled life rather than finding someone to be your life.

Other then that, trash. How can you possibly base a marriage off of false pretense? Marriage is about commitment to a person because you love them, flaws and all. I certainly won't expect my husband to wake up before me to make himself look his best. Why should he expect that of me? I am human. I am not perfect. I slouch! I ramble when I'm nervous! I forget to shave my legs! I return phone calls! I would never expect a marriage to last when I have been playing games, pretending, and constructing a facade for the entire relationship. Besides, I want to be myself. I want a marriage based on honestly, trust, and value. I think I am a pretty good catch despite my flaws. These rules might find me a husband but guaranteed it will end in divorce as soon as he discovers I poop. The Rules are made to be broken.