Even in the hospital and hooked up to IVs, I was the brunt of jokes. Everyone was joking about Terry coming home so soon after Wyatt's birth and the possibility of Irish twins. Ha, bloody, haha. Even Dr. Diaz made a comment. One of my big concerns during pregnancy was the state of my vagina after birth. The best description of what I envisioned was an exploded firecracker. Not to freak people out who haven't had kids but that is pretty much how it felt.
Now, about 8 weeks post-delivery, I am feeling all put back together. I had a doctor's appointment last Monday and she gave me the OK to start having 'relations'. I didn't know people still used that terminology. Regardless of the phrasing, it is nice to know that everything is back where it should be and that I am still functioning. However, knowing that house is nice and clean doesn't mean I want any visitors just yet. If you know what I am saying.
My body still feels all out of whack. My stomach is all stretched out and my belly button is huge. I still have that dark line down my belly. Sometimes I am reminded of a kangaroo when I look at my shrunken self. I am stuck between being self conscience and being proud. I feel like my pouch is a badge of honor detailing what my body has been through. But yet I am nervous about what others would think of my naked body. Bathing suits terrify me. In terms of sex, I have been through such an amazing but none the less traumatic event. I am having trouble thinking of myself as a sexual being again. Not to mention, if anyone even thinks about touching my boobs they will get milk in their face.
Most women that I know have body image issues. I am no exception. I have always overcompensated for my negative self image with a brazen personality. As if they could balance each other out. That being said I always loved being naked. I would get out of the shower, even at 9 months pregnant, and wander around my room naked for a good hour before getting dressed. Now, I avoid looking at my naked self in the mirror. I get dressed in the bathroom. I just ordered a Pilate's with baby video maybe that will help me gain more confidence. Maybe I need a few more months to get comfortable in this new skin.
3 comments:
Kate - Remember the old saying - beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Your beauty radiates both from the inside and out. You are looking marvelous!!!
~~MET~~
Kate check out http://theshapeofamother.com/
I hear the body issues thing loud and clear. I started a poll on my blog about whether one had a positive or negative body image...you can guess which side is winning.
I gained 60 plus with twins so my body was WAY out of shape after the birth. Even now, my stomach looks different and my belly button looks odd. I coasted for a long time on "My body is amazing because it gave birth," but now the summer is coming and bathing suits and I am no longer pumped up on accolades like that!
Honestly, the one motivation I have right now to fixing my own body image issues is the fact that I have two daughters and I in no way want them growing up with body image issues. I want them to be proud. So that means I need to get there too. And fast.
Your little boy is getting SO big!
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