To Do or Not To Do

One of my co-workers believes that Terry and I should get married for the benefits, ie. health insurance, taxes, military, etc. She offered her services and help to arrange a civil union at the hospital. Now, as romantic as it sounds to tie the knot in a hospital bed for moneys sake, it is not on my agenda (nor on Terrys). Marriage is a sacred union that shouldn't be entered into lightly, in my opinion. I don't want to gloss over it and I don't want to rush. I know that she was trying to be helpful but I couldn't help but be a little disturbed by the entire situation.

Pregnancy allows everybody and anybody to comment on my personal life. Where as once my life was private, I now find myself open to all opinions regardless if I want them or not. I know that these comments aren't meant to be hurtful but most of the time I really don't want to know how much pain you were in during labor. Or how daycare ruins a child. Or why I should get married as soon as possible to anyone willing. Or why formula feeding makes children obese. I could go on forever, you don't even know. A pregnant belly puts a sign on my back that says "Please talk to me. I would love for you to comment on my personal life."

I have dreams of marriage, some day. I want the white dress, tons of family, and big ceremony. I want the husband that loves and respects me for the choices I have made in my life. I want the romance. I want to be swept off my feet and the stability of having a husband that cares for me. For some reason, most people expect us to get married because I got pregnant. It is an easy assumption. I guess we got the order of things a little backward and society wants us to correct ourselves. However, for me, these two major life events don't come hand in hand but I still want both. I don't feel that it is unrealistic. I have always wanted to get married. It might be a little different then what I dreamt of as a little girl but my marriage will be the perfect union for me and my son.

I guess what is bothering me the most is the notion that I am tainted, tarnished, and used goods. Because I will have a child that I will be less desirable. I will become a package deal. That I should get married to whoever comes through my door. I don't feel the necessity to sacrifice my dreams of marriage because I am a 'fallen' woman. Romance is not lost on me because I will have a child. I understand that an in-tact family is what society deems best for my child. But society can be wrong because there is no lack of people in this child's life. Bean will have two supportive parents, four grandparents, four great grandparents, a million aunts and uncles, and tons of friends. With all those relatives around I doubt he will notice the missing ring on our fingers. When I do get married Bean will eventually come to understand that I was in love with someone, who is in love with me as him. I would hate for him to see me in an unhappy or forced marriage knowing the reason we got married was him. Hopefully, Bean learning that I married for love will mean more than benefits and a hospital bed.

Maybe down the road, Terry and I will get married. I am not completely closed off to the idea. But definitely not now. Our relationship is based on friendship and would need to progress to that level. Bean is a big change in both of our lives. Let me adjust to that change before piling on more. If we do get married, it will be because it was the best choice, at the right time, for all three of us. Until then, families come in all shapes and sizes. Ours is no different.