Things your Mom didn't Tell You - Part 2

Pregnancy affects every part of the body. I didn't take that seriously because how could it possibly be true. Well, I guess I should have taken their word for it because I can't see. No, seriously, my vision has gotten about twelve times worse. I have glasses that I use for driving sometimes. Very rarely did I use them. All of a sudden I need my glasses almost every time I get into the car and at night especially. It is like my whole world has gone fuzzy. I asked Dr. Diaz about it at my last appointment. Wouldn't you know, blurred vision is a symptom. She said I could go get my eyes checked but there would be no point because my vision will go back to normal post-baby.

I am getting bigger by the second now. These last few months are the biggest growth months for the baby. At my last Dr's appointment they estimated him to be about 3.5 lbs. I would like him to be about 7.5 lbs. That's a lot of weight for a little man. The more he grows, the more I grow. Unfortunately, this results in the Itchy Belly syndrome. I am guessing it is because my skin is stretching. My belly itches like crazy. No matter how much moisturizer I put on, it still itches. I think I could lather myself all day long and still be itchy.

Hayley asked me if it was weird when I felt him move. Yes, it is weird in an amazing I have no control over my body kind of way. I love feeling him move. I am totally distracted and engrossed by it. However, I am not so attached when he kicks my ribs. It can be quite uncomfortable. He gets all under there and I feel like I have to push him down or puff out my chest to make room. I am having a hard time describing it. But it has been, by far, the most frustrating part of pregnancy for me. It is very difficult to get comfortable when you have a foot in between your ribs. I am sure there will be plenty more unforeseen joys of pregnancy to come.

Holy Craziness

Here's the sonogram picture of our little man with placenta in his face. I originally thought it looked like his eye was open but its not. The eyelid is so thin that you can see through it. You can clearly see his nose, mouth, and chipmunk cheeks. We are debating if that looks like hair on his head or not. The rest of the stuff by his face is placenta (or we can pretend a fluffy cloud pillow). The one to the right is his foot. I circled it. 5 Toes!!!! I am so in love that he is well developed already!! He really looks like a baby.

I am so sorry that I was unable to post all of this sooner. The Internet at work has been down and that is my primary location of blogging. Then this morning was full swing at our house. The addition is fully underway and our house has become a man-haven. Too bad this isn't a detachable bump cause we all know how I love construction workers. There was much excitement as the deck went flying into the dumpster and framing began. I will post baby suite pictures as soon as I am around to see the addition in the day light. So, so excited!!!

Beautiful, Beautiful Boy

YES!!!! Its confirmed. Still a boy!!! I saw your penis!!!! Yeah!!! I swear I will never get over seeing him. I could watch him for days. So, this DVD was a little more grainy then the other one and unfortunately there is no elevator music. But he is growing bigger and bigger and looking far less skeletal then last time. Despite short notice, both Grandma's were able to make the appointment and both agree: He's beautiful.

Video One: Bean decided to have his face right up against the placenta so it made it difficult to get a full on 3D picture. But she did try. First recognizable thing are his arm bones. Then, the orangey colored images are the 3D face profile ones. The last orange one that she zooms in on is the face picture that is really good. He's got these puffy little cheeks and this pouty mouth. I think it is definitely Terry's mouth/chin and my nose. Considering he's got a face full of placenta, I think he's pretty darn cute.

Video Two: The first black spot is the stomach, which she labels. Then, she labels the bladder. You can see the ribs and spine pretty good. She fiddles around by his legs for a while. A good look of the feet and legs. Back up to the face profile to try and do another 3D. Which is kinda scary but that because of the placenta. Then, the money shot. She goes back down to the legs and gets a good pause at his man parts!! She even points at his little penis. (Sorry Bean!! I promise I won't ever post pictures of your penis when your born.)

Video Three: This one starts off with the profile. You can get a great look at the heart beating. But the coolest part is with this mouth. He starts doing this sucking, nuzzling, thing. She points out his tongue with the yellow pointer. He wasn't moving his body so he was probably sleeping. I find it so amazing that he is already preparing for life outside of me. After she moves away from the face, you can see the legs all curled up. Totally my long legs. Then she pauses on a pretty clear image of a foot. Right before the end she gets a good listen of the heart rate. Which is strong and steady!!! She estimated him to be about 3 lbs 6 oz. He has to cook for another 4 more pounds until I'm happy.

So, what do you think?! Did you make any of that out or is it all muddled images? I will post the pictures tomorrow!!! Yeah for the bean!!!

Seeing Blue

Rebecca made me this cake after we found out bean was officially a boy. I came home from work and there was this cake, blue icing and all. I always thought it was a boy for some reason. Many other people did too. But I can't say I wasn't roped into all the old wives tales. No morning sickness - boy. Carrying high - boy. Fast heart rate - girl. Chinese astrology - boy. Craving OJ - girl. I kept a tally to reassure myself. Whenever someone would ask me I would tell them all I wanted was a healthy baby. But truth is...I wanted a boy.


At first, I didn't want to know. You only get so many surprises in life and this is one of the last greats. I wanted to be disciplined and patient. Some say that it makes labor easier because you have something to look forward to. Yeah, I couldn't do it. I needed to know. I became too impatient. I wanted to know who was growing inside my body. I wanted to pick out boy clothes, overalls, button down shirts and corduroy pants. I'm sick of Barbies. I want some Tonka Trucks!!


There were several sonograms that I had where I should have found out but bean never cooperated. He was always turned in a weird direction so we couldn't see the goods. I went for this mega sonogram on September 29th. Mom looked at the technician and said "We are not leaving here until you tell us its a boy." So much for pressure. At one point the two techs were talking to one another "Can you confirm XY?" I almost peed myself right there on the table but was still holding out to make sure. When confirmation was given, all of us in the room started tearing.

I haven't had a sonogram since then. I have been dreaming of girl stuff lately. Its freaking me out. I referred to him as a her the other day. Convincing myself that I just said her because I am always surrounded by women. I have to go to the doctors every two weeks. I want her to do another sono. I need to see him again and make sure all his man parts are there. Finally, I worked up the courage to ask her if I was going to get another sonogram. She is going to squeeze me into her schedule tonight!!!! I will let you know how it goes. I think I am even getting another DVD. I cannot wait to see our baby boy again. I am so excited. He is not even here yet and I am already obsessing.

Bump Watch

Here are some pics from the weekend:

The one to the left is from Thanksgiving.
The one to the right is an extremely attractive pic of me in my pajamas. Rebecca insists on humiliating me whenever possible.

And the one with my sisters is to prove that I don't look pregnant all of the time. Most of the time I just look bloated and fat. We are Christmas Tree cutting by the way.

Officially 29 weeks (6 months 2 weeks) people!!! Only 11 weeks to go!!!

Words of Hope

This Thanksgiving I have much to be thankful for. There have been so many people that have written me with words of hope and praise that I want to share them with you. I am going to leave out their names to keep it anonymous but the response has been overwhelming for me. I cannot begin to thank everyone for standing by me during this difficult time. Hopefully this will be as emotional for you as it is for me everyday. Then again it could be the hormones....

"there are so many friends from whom this would have been the scariest email in the world, but i can't even begin to tell you how much I think you will be the most amazing mother, and that I have every confidence that you are as prepared now to do so as you would be in ten years. I am so goddamn proud of you for making this decision, and I'm so excited to see a pregnant belly, and (in a few months) a beautiful baby boy. I've watched two sisters navigate motherhood with tremendous success, and I've watched the way it has changed their lives in the most amazing and extraordinary ways. I have no doubt that it will do the same for you (although you're pretty amazing and extraordinary as you are). Again, I think you are making such a strong and self-less and brave decision, and also one that will bring a tremendous amount of joy into your life."

"I am so happy for you. If someone asked me, of everyone I've known, who could handle this? Undoubtedly, unhesitatingly, I would say you. I think motherhood can only make you an even more amazing and capable woman than I already think you are."

"We are all exactly where we are supposed to be in God's plan for us. At age 71, I can look back and see that out of every difficult and discouraging time in my life (and like all others, there have been many) something good came from it.. It's very difficult to muster up the faith in this truth, but I feel blessed for every part of my life..good and bad. It's all been a valuable learning experience."

"Having our son was the best thing I've ever done in my life - and he continues to be the biggest source of joy and pride I have - so get ready for a crazy ride, but a wonderful one. All my love to you and your eensy one."

"i know this will probably be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to go through, but i know you can do it Kate. you are such a strong, independent woman & i know you know that. & you will always have a support group/fan club of your family & friends that includes me, of course :)"

"Whenever I go through something difficult, I always tell myself...I am not the only person that has gone through this, there are plenty of other people who have gone through it and end up totally happy in the end. The reason they end up happy is because they chose to take control of their lives and their lives alone. Whatever decision you make about this child, make the best decision for you and your body. Make the choice to be happy no matter what, regardless of how crappy it feels now. You WILL get through this, there is no question in my mind. This is going to be a long road Kate, and you are going to need to hold onto who you are and who you always have been. The strong, brave, smart, funny, happy, beautiful woman you are. There are going to be bumps like this and you just need to get over them. You have me, and I am sure everyone else, behind you every step of the way."

Thank you so much everyone for being my backbone and filling my life with affirmations that I can do this. I can't even begin to tell you how your love and support has made my burden a little lighter and gets me from day to day when the world gets hard. I can only hope that my little bean has a support system as plentiful and strong as my own. From the bottom of my heart, Thank you. I would be truly lost without all of you.

Episiotomy, oh, Episiotomy How I Dread Thee

I bought Terry a book entitled So, You're going to Be a Dad. I thought it would be nice for him to get a comical view fatherhood from a man's perspective. Before I sent it off, I decided that I would read it so I wouldn't be a hypocrite. You know, telling him he should be doing something when I didn't. So, I read it. Well, kind of. I read most of it. Until I got to the labor and birth part.

With my growing belly comes growing anxiety about childbirth. I try not to think about it because there is nothing I can do about it. But sometimes that doesn't cut it and I get nervous. I am pretty good with pain so I don't stress over my ability to handle the pain part too much and if I can't handle it there always is the blessed epidural. Knowing that my body was designed to give birth and that women have been birthing babes for eons makes me a little less nervous. But every day closer to my due date the anxiety about the whole hospital situation mounts. Especially, what is going to become of my vagina? I happen to like my vagina and would like it to stay intact.

In this book, he said that his wife needed 57 stitches for her episiotomy. Nightmares!!! Nightmares for days on reading that. An episiotomy is a procedure where they cut the vagina to make the opening bigger and prevent tearing. If you cut off your finger I don't think you would need 57 stitches. I am going to pretend that the author said that just to freak the males out. Or give them some kind of perspective on the pain. Because honestly, I think you could remove my entire vagina with 57 stitches. Again, just thinking about it will give me nightmares for days.

I am hoping and praying that my endorphins kick in and I don't remember the pain part. When I see parents running around with 2, 3, 5 kids I reassure myself that they chose to do this more than once. If it was really that bad, wouldn't they have stopped at one?! At this point, I will tell myself anything to get me through.

Things of the Past

I got to see a dear old friend from high school the other night. She brought me this adorable baby gift that screams of her talents and creativity. Its a bouquet of bath toys and pacifiers. How cute is that?!?!

I haven't spoken to Bree in years. I think we all lose track of time when life is moving so quickly. I was taken back with how grown up she looked, professional, polished. I don't think I have ever looked so put together in my entire life. What struck me was how connected I felt to her but came to realize I have no idea who she has become. I was seeing the person I knew. A person I spent countless hours with all throughout childhood. But with years of maturity separating us, do I really know Bree now or is it the image of the person I used to know that I associate with?

I think I have changed a lot since high school. I am a mere reflection of the person I was then. However, I think the people that have known me since high school see me as the same person. Because they were present for the small life happenings that slowly changed my personality. They see all of the pieces that make up the whole and don't differentiate between the person I was in 2000 compared to who I am in 2007.

Recently, I have found more and more people are regarding me differently. I got pregnant so now I am a changed person. The thing is, I don't feel any different. Sure, physically I am changing. Emotionally, I might be gearing up for this new addition in my life. But I don't think my personality has change one iota. I would still love to go out, get all worked up over stupid boys, and stumble my way home. I just can't. But that doesn't mean I don't want to. I am positive that this tiny person coming into my life will change me. But he isn't here yet and I don't feel changed. I might be thinking very different things but I still feel like the same person I always was. With every new stage of my life, I adjust and move on. That is all I am doing. Adjusting to this new situation to the best of my ability and moving forward.

Whats in a Name?

I have been having trouble with names. I don't want to name the bean before I see him but to prevent him not having a name for weeks while Terry and I fight over it I think we should have a few favorites picked out. We have to decide on something that bean is going to live with forever. For those of you who know Terry and I, we are definitely on opposite ends of the spectrum. Terry insists that all my names are down home southern country boys. I believe that Terry's names are boarding school preppy kids. Dilemma, much.

I wanted to post some of our favorites and see what everyone else thinks. I also added nicknames, meanings, and stereotypes from this book I have. We still have a few months to decide but honestly it might take that long. I am going to add a polled so that you can vote on your favorite. We'll see which name wins before I pop.

Aidan - gaelic, little fire. A sensitive , caring guy who's always a good listener. People think his laid back manner and outgoing ways make him fun to be around. Physically, he's pictured as handsome and strong.

Dylan - welsh, God of the sea. A rare breed who's funny yet dependable. People think of Dylan as a cheerful, playful guy, but also loyal and caring. They say this light-eyed looker is always smiling.

Finn (maybe Finnian) - gaelic, little fair one. There's never a dull or quiet moment when Finn is around. People find this name fit for a gregarious, cheerful Irishman who has a great sense of humor as well as a short temper. Whether he owns a pub or works some blue collar job, he's said to be loud and fun loving. Not surprisingly, Finn is imagined with freckles and red hair.

Ethan - english, stong and firm. More of a listener than a talker. People consdier him to be reserved, compassionate, and down to earth. They say he's handsome, but can be a little mousy at times.

Jackson (Jack) - hebrew, God is gracious. A cutie, but friends adore him for his personality. Jackson is thought to be good-looking, kind, and smart. People imagine he's outgoing and popular as well as musically gifted.

Lucas (Luke) - greek. Sneaky but in a good way. Some people see him as a mischievous joker who's tall, dark, and smart. They say he loves to have fun, but he's also honest and kind. Other people, however, believe he's a quiet and brooding artist.

Wesley - english, western meadow. Full of personality, and he likes to share it. He's seen as a vibrant, popular, and amusing guy who's as smart as he is kind. He's most likely lanky with light-brown hair. Some people say this hard worker is eager to please, but others describe his as a bit of a showoff.

Wyatt - english, brave, stong, little warrior. Wyatt Earp became a legend at the OK Corral, and his image lives on. Wyatt is said to be brave, rugged Westerner who's tough and mean. People believe he's handsome, quiet, and intelligent.

The Real Reason I Want the Bean

Rebecca sent me this video ages ago but I still watch it all the time to keep me laughing. I can't even describe how excited I am to re-live this world through the bean's eyes. Everything seems like so much more fun to babies. Enjoy!!!

Now that Food has Replaced my Sex Life, I Can't even Get into my Own Pants

We're going full disclosure on this post people. This blog has replaced therapy and I have got a ton of scary things running through my mind. So, from here on out I am going to sacrifice dignity and tell it like it is. Just a warning.

I had a doctors appointment on Monday. Everything is absolutely fine and the bean is doing fabulous. I actually don't mind Drs appointments because I get to hear his little heartbeat and it makes everything I am doing worthwhile, a nice confirmation. What I don't like about Drs visits is the scale. They weigh me every time. It totally sucks. Don't get me wrong, I know that I am suppose to gain weight. Pregnancy means gaining weight, eating for two, second and third helpings, and all that good stuff. Normal weight gain is anywhere from 25-35 lbs but Dr. Diaz says she has seen women gain up to 75 lbs.

I honestly haven't been limiting myself at all. I have always loved food and nothing has changed. If I want ice cream, I have it. Chocolate milkshakes, bring it on. Cookies and milk, almost nightly. Dairy products have been my weakness. I finally bought maternity jeans and not a moment too late. I was determined never to wear maternity but once I discovered the comfort of elastic panelled pants I don't think I will ever wear jeans with a fly again. However, at this weigh-in I almost cried. I gained a total of 15 lbs so far. Yes, I know, I'm 6 months. I should have gained that much. But holy shit, 15lbs. That's a lot by pre-pregnant standards! The numbers are daunting. Granted most of the weight is baby and the rest is in my bra but, hey, that's still a lot.

With this new found weight, I have been feeling more and more unattractive. I know I look good for pregnant, not to be conceited, but I am the only one that gets to see me naked and its pretty scary. I am all belly. From the back, I still look like me but then I turn and there's this solid bump (small hill might be more accurate at the moment). To be honestly, I am glad that I don't have anyone to have sex with because I think I would feel too uncomfortable. Although, I do want to have sex. My sex drive has finally returned y'all!!! Praise Jesus!! I thought it had disappeared forever. During the first trimester, I turned back into a virgin. The second trimester was better but no one to do it with. With the third trimester just starting, it might be too soon to tell. But so far, I feel the rumblings that make me want to prowl but just feel too damn fat to get off the couch.

I don't know how women with husbands handled all this. I feel like it would be too much responsibility and effort to keep myself comfortable and him satisfied. Maybe if I had a husband I wouldn't give a hoot about his satisfaction. I consider myself lucky that I can stay on the couch. Although, a back rub would be nice by someone who was legally bound to be at my every whim. I guess I am going to have to settle for food cravings and sex dreams. Cause those dreams are *almost* as satisfying and I don't have to get out of bed. The best of both worlds!!!

Veteran's Day

Another message from Afghanistan:

"Today was my first Veteran’s Day as a veteran. I had the day off so I attend the ceremony held on post. It was a really nice and simple ceremony that had some music and some speakers. I started my morning by waking around 1am, crawling out of bed and throwing on some warm clothing. Of course now with the cold weather it’s always a little hard getting out of your sleeping bag where its nice and warm. Plus with the cold mornings you are always a little stiff and achy. I walked to the main road and found my company lining both sides of the streets. Two soldiers who I ordered not to be up at this early hour because they had work to do in the morning were standing there. Of course they looked at me knowing they disobeyed my order, but how could I punish those who felt they had to be with the other soldiers to pay there respects. Sometimes your best soldiers are the ones who break rules from time to time. I should know. The group came to attention and the bag pipes started to play amazing grace. Seven fallen soldiers caskets drove slowly past as we saluted them. Unlike many other times, this time I could not hold back my tears and just started weeping. A few days ago I was a mission, like normal trying to accomplish what needed to be done, at times frustrated that the troops on the ground were moving so slow. Twenty or so minutes after I left they were attacked and these young soldiers died.

I think the speaker at today’s ceremony hit the nail on the head when he discussed how none of us consider ourselves heroes, but we feel that those who made that ultimate sacrifice are the heroes that provide us with our freedom. It was a moving ceremony. So if you all can, take a moment today and think about those soldiers who have fallen, if you come across a veteran take the second to thank them. I personally now feel that the best way we can pay our respects to the veterans is not as complicated as sending packages or trying to go above and beyond, of course that is always nice, but more simply to live our lives to the best of our ability, to make the time for our friends and families, to do the things these young soldiers long to do, these things we often take for granted."

“War drew us from our homeland in the sunlit springtime of our youth. Those who did not come back alive remain in perpetual springtime-forever young and a part of them is with us always.” Author unknown.

Break on Through to the Other Side

Welcome November 10th!!!

First, this day is my 6th month mark!! I have successfully completed 6 months of pregnancy, only 3 more months to go. I really don't have any complaints. It hasn't been that bad so far. Most women have told me that the most uncomfortable and unbearable months are still yet to come. Bring them on, I say. Lets do it!!!

Second, we broke ground on the baby suite!!! My parents, as kindly as they are, agreed to add on a room for the baby and I to live in. Right now, we are a little crowded and with a bean (and possibly Becca) it will get even more crowded. My parents, brilliant and always resourceful, decided (with my prodding) to build an extra bedroom downstairs, re-do the bathroom, and install a new deck. Since I am going to be staying with them infinitely, because lets face it I need all the help I can get, I feel this is the best situation for all of us. I can get locked quietly in the bean's baby suite and not disturb the rest of the household.

Three Cheers to the next 3 months and my amazing parents!!!!

Rhymes with Shmashmortion

The other day someone went up to my mother and called me a conservative. From what I know, they have been debating politics for years now, him on the far right and my mother on the left. He vehemently stated that because I didn't have an abortion I was conservative, pro-life, and had joined the Bushie bandwagon. I felt like I need to take some time to address the issue. Because I don't like it when people call me conservative and really don't like it when they talk trash to my momma.

I am pro-choice. I always have been and always will be. I never imagined that I would be in this situation. I don't think anyone plans for it. I had to take three pregnancy tests before admitting to myself that I needed to go to the doctor. Denial was my best friend and the longer I ignored the situation, the longer I didn't need to think about it. When I finally did come to terms with the pregnancy, I had a very difficult decision to make and for me it wasn't black or white. I was always on the fence. I think that is why it took me so long to acknowledge I was pregnant because I knew, right from the beginning, that it wasn't going to be an easy road for me.

Abortion used to be a taboo word but today it has become commonplace due to the sheer volume, 42 million performed in 2003 world wide. I can only assume that the number has increased per year. Think about that number for a minute, 42 Million. To make matters worse nearly 48% were considered unsafe. 70,000 women die annually from unsafe abortions and 5 million women will suffer permanent injury. I am not saying that this happens in the US. In North America, there are 33 abortions for every 100 live births and nearly all of them are safe. I got these facts from the NY Times. With that many abortions happening annually it becomes just an everyday procedure; common; a quick answer to a difficult question; a solution to a messy situation.

Originally, I thought that abortion was the right choice for me. It was not the right time, I wasn't ready, its going to be too hard. I wanted more for my child then I had growing up and I did not think that I could provide that. It was an answer to Penny's "problem" as they say in Dirty Dancing. No hurt feelings, no disappointing conversations, no sacrifices made, life continues as planned for everyone involved. But the more I thought about it, dreamt about it, went to therapy about it, my opinion changed. I labored (no pun intended) on this for about 2 months. I didn't want to make a hasty decision that I was going to regret. A decision that would effect my entire life regardless of the outcome for the child. The more I thought about it, the more attached I became to what was happening inside my body, the more connected I became with this child. Technically, it still was a fetus, unable to survive without my body but to me it was my child that I needed to protect and nurture. I believe that when you accept a child into your life you grow another heart to accommodate for all the love that child will bring into your world. That one heart will not suffice. When the child's heart is broken so is yours, twice over. Once I connected with this child, my second heart complete, I knew abortion was no longer an option for me.

I wanted this child regardless of the circumstances and messy problems. Our families, our support, our friends, all of us together could provide a place in this world, a home, and all the love that this child could ever need. My relationships with others is what I cherish in my life. What makes life worth living. Yes, having a child is a hard and difficult road but I was willing and eager to take that road in hopes that our child will bring much more joy, love, and happiness to all our lives then pain or regret.

Keeping this child was my choice. I might not have chosen to get pregnant but I did choose to make this child a part of our world. That was the right choice for me, the choice that allowed me to look myself in the mirror every morning. That is why I am pro-choice. Because I don't know what I would have done if the circumstances were even a little different. Some may say that I am being nonchalant, that I am being way too optimistic and that I am unrealistic. But I have to be because I refuse to live my life shrouded in negativity and regret. I have searched my heart and pro-choice for me meant the choice of life for one little bean.

Bump Watch

Many have asked....so here are some new ones. This is at 25 weeks, about 5 1/2 months.

Beating the Beeties

The results are in. I officially don't have gestational diabetes. For those that don't know, gestational diabetes is the most common side effect of pregnancy. It effects 2% of women, which might not seem like much but there are a lot of preggo's out there. What happens is the mom becomes diabetic during pregnancy. The sugars that the mothers body can't break down go right to the baby resulting in large birth weights which is unhealthy. Big babies might not seem like a big deal but I wouldn't want a push out a 10 pounder that's for sure. Since the mom can't take any medication for it you have to regulate via diet. Usually it goes away after the baby is born but sometimes not.

Well, to test for this they first make you take a one hour glucose tolerance test. They take some blood then make you drink this nasty drink, sit for an hour, then take some more blood. I failed that one. Dr. Diaz told me not to worry that I was healthy (usually this effects women over 35 or those who are overweight) but that I would have to go take the three hour test to be sure. I kept telling myself not to worry but I did anyway. Being pregnant has made me a hypochondriac. Before I would get a cut and wouldn't go to the doctor until my arm fell off. Now, I stub my toe and have to call to make sure it won't effect the baby. Ahh, the beginnings of motherhood.

The three hour test was a ball of fun. I got my blood taken 4 times, peed 4 times, and had to drink this sugary, flat, orange soda all in 3.5 hours. Just what I always dreamed of doing on my Saturday off. The worse part was I had to fast. No eating or drinking from midnight before. Word to the wise, telling a preggo not to eat is like running around a lions den dressed as a steak. It ain't pretty. But the end of my test I was shaking and ready to eat a small child. I kid you not, ravenous is not an accurate description.

Of course this happened to fall right around Halloween. Every piece of candy that I saw taunted me. I wanted to eat it but felt guilty if I did have the beeties and was hurting the bean. I have the biggest sweet tooth ever and crave chocolate all the time. No joke, I go through about a gallon of chocolate milk a week. It is my one vice left standing. Thankfully, the results of the 3 hour test came back today and I passed!!! So, all the candy I put in the freezer will be thawed and I will continue to indulge on a piece of candy a day.

Thoughts from Afghanistan

When I first started this online journal I wanted other people to contribute and do guest blogs like a talk show. No one has approached me about this yet. But I recently got an email from Terry and I thought it would be nice to put it into the bean's archive that presently is this blog. (My thought was to make this blog and your comments into a book for when he turns 18, or older depending on content). Many of you have been asking about Terry and how he has been doing. Maybe I can answer this through his inspirational words because I can't do justice to what he does everyday. Hope you enjoy and Terry isn't mad.

"Things are still going well, just a lot on my mind. I always think of the scene in Forrest Gump when he is describing Vietnam, during the day there is always something to do and somewhere to go, but the nights are lonely ones. I think lately my nights are frustrating because you have all the time in the world to think and ironically there is absolutely nothing you can do. Life is on hold. Normally that never bothered me, but I’m starting to feel old.

I’m not one to really argue politics anymore like I use to, I tend to stay silent believing that my work and actions are the right one and accepting that there are those who are truly ignorant to some of the realities of our world. The day before I left for flight school I visited the world trade center. Every time I leave for something in the military, I admit I get nervous because I have no idea what to expect. And again prior to deploying I visited the world trade center. Whatever my sacrifice, it is no where near what those people and their families sacrificed that day and I feel the need to remind myself that for the motivation to face whatever fears I may have. My first visit to the trade center I saw sheets of plywood used as the barrier. Pictures of the victims stapled to them, notes left for them. More recently, when I visited the barricade was now a steel fence, with a memorial. The subway station was opened, which I was amazed by. I would venture to guess that one day when I visit again, maybe in years to come with the little guy, we will then see a large memorial. Point being, there is the American dream. There is rebirth and building, and the promise of a better future. The American dream is simply hope, hope that against all odds things will one day be better. Its is in our blood, brought to us by our family members who came to the U.S. wanting something more. I challenge all of you to think about that.

Its something I always believed, I believed we were in Afghanistan to rebuild the country based on books I have read, but to see it with your own eyes is to have a different opinion. The other day I flew over a castle occupied by Alexander the great, I can go the market place and purchase riffles from the turn of the century left here by the British when they tried to occupy the country, as I fly I can see the burnt remains of Russian tanks all over the country. Kabul the prominent city I read of, is still in ruins from the Taliban. In this country, centuries of war are still present, there is no rebirth, their history is in plain site. There is no hope, and when the member of the parliament told me that America is there last chance, I know believe that and know that its true. The world trade center has come a long way since that September morning, but that hope for something better doesn’t exist here, which is tragic because these are a good people, they just lack what many of us take for granted in my opinion. So I’m proud to be a small part of this."