Seeing Blue

Rebecca made me this cake after we found out bean was officially a boy. I came home from work and there was this cake, blue icing and all. I always thought it was a boy for some reason. Many other people did too. But I can't say I wasn't roped into all the old wives tales. No morning sickness - boy. Carrying high - boy. Fast heart rate - girl. Chinese astrology - boy. Craving OJ - girl. I kept a tally to reassure myself. Whenever someone would ask me I would tell them all I wanted was a healthy baby. But truth is...I wanted a boy.


At first, I didn't want to know. You only get so many surprises in life and this is one of the last greats. I wanted to be disciplined and patient. Some say that it makes labor easier because you have something to look forward to. Yeah, I couldn't do it. I needed to know. I became too impatient. I wanted to know who was growing inside my body. I wanted to pick out boy clothes, overalls, button down shirts and corduroy pants. I'm sick of Barbies. I want some Tonka Trucks!!


There were several sonograms that I had where I should have found out but bean never cooperated. He was always turned in a weird direction so we couldn't see the goods. I went for this mega sonogram on September 29th. Mom looked at the technician and said "We are not leaving here until you tell us its a boy." So much for pressure. At one point the two techs were talking to one another "Can you confirm XY?" I almost peed myself right there on the table but was still holding out to make sure. When confirmation was given, all of us in the room started tearing.

I haven't had a sonogram since then. I have been dreaming of girl stuff lately. Its freaking me out. I referred to him as a her the other day. Convincing myself that I just said her because I am always surrounded by women. I have to go to the doctors every two weeks. I want her to do another sono. I need to see him again and make sure all his man parts are there. Finally, I worked up the courage to ask her if I was going to get another sonogram. She is going to squeeze me into her schedule tonight!!!! I will let you know how it goes. I think I am even getting another DVD. I cannot wait to see our baby boy again. I am so excited. He is not even here yet and I am already obsessing.