Rhymes with Shmashmortion

The other day someone went up to my mother and called me a conservative. From what I know, they have been debating politics for years now, him on the far right and my mother on the left. He vehemently stated that because I didn't have an abortion I was conservative, pro-life, and had joined the Bushie bandwagon. I felt like I need to take some time to address the issue. Because I don't like it when people call me conservative and really don't like it when they talk trash to my momma.

I am pro-choice. I always have been and always will be. I never imagined that I would be in this situation. I don't think anyone plans for it. I had to take three pregnancy tests before admitting to myself that I needed to go to the doctor. Denial was my best friend and the longer I ignored the situation, the longer I didn't need to think about it. When I finally did come to terms with the pregnancy, I had a very difficult decision to make and for me it wasn't black or white. I was always on the fence. I think that is why it took me so long to acknowledge I was pregnant because I knew, right from the beginning, that it wasn't going to be an easy road for me.

Abortion used to be a taboo word but today it has become commonplace due to the sheer volume, 42 million performed in 2003 world wide. I can only assume that the number has increased per year. Think about that number for a minute, 42 Million. To make matters worse nearly 48% were considered unsafe. 70,000 women die annually from unsafe abortions and 5 million women will suffer permanent injury. I am not saying that this happens in the US. In North America, there are 33 abortions for every 100 live births and nearly all of them are safe. I got these facts from the NY Times. With that many abortions happening annually it becomes just an everyday procedure; common; a quick answer to a difficult question; a solution to a messy situation.

Originally, I thought that abortion was the right choice for me. It was not the right time, I wasn't ready, its going to be too hard. I wanted more for my child then I had growing up and I did not think that I could provide that. It was an answer to Penny's "problem" as they say in Dirty Dancing. No hurt feelings, no disappointing conversations, no sacrifices made, life continues as planned for everyone involved. But the more I thought about it, dreamt about it, went to therapy about it, my opinion changed. I labored (no pun intended) on this for about 2 months. I didn't want to make a hasty decision that I was going to regret. A decision that would effect my entire life regardless of the outcome for the child. The more I thought about it, the more attached I became to what was happening inside my body, the more connected I became with this child. Technically, it still was a fetus, unable to survive without my body but to me it was my child that I needed to protect and nurture. I believe that when you accept a child into your life you grow another heart to accommodate for all the love that child will bring into your world. That one heart will not suffice. When the child's heart is broken so is yours, twice over. Once I connected with this child, my second heart complete, I knew abortion was no longer an option for me.

I wanted this child regardless of the circumstances and messy problems. Our families, our support, our friends, all of us together could provide a place in this world, a home, and all the love that this child could ever need. My relationships with others is what I cherish in my life. What makes life worth living. Yes, having a child is a hard and difficult road but I was willing and eager to take that road in hopes that our child will bring much more joy, love, and happiness to all our lives then pain or regret.

Keeping this child was my choice. I might not have chosen to get pregnant but I did choose to make this child a part of our world. That was the right choice for me, the choice that allowed me to look myself in the mirror every morning. That is why I am pro-choice. Because I don't know what I would have done if the circumstances were even a little different. Some may say that I am being nonchalant, that I am being way too optimistic and that I am unrealistic. But I have to be because I refuse to live my life shrouded in negativity and regret. I have searched my heart and pro-choice for me meant the choice of life for one little bean.