Expectations

This is the second rainbow I saw in 2012.  Caught just two weeks after seeing the first one.  I was driving home from a night in Long Beach and this was arched across the sky. Dipping into the water at either end. I don't think I have ever seen a rainbow in its entirety before.  I called home, told Mom to put Wyatt's shoes on and grab the camera.  We raced back to the beach. You couldn't see the whole thing anymore but still both ends, with some clouds in the middle.

I have had this crazy hunch that 2012 is going to be a really good year.  Every year I start with good intentions and hope but, for some reason, this year feels different.  I have this nagging feeling that something amazing is coming down the road but I am not really sure how to get there or even what it is.  However cheesy it sounds, these dual rainbows appearing at the very beginning of the year, seem to be some kind of sign.  A confirmation that this gut feeling is going to manifest itself.

I am hesitant to even talk about it.  As if somehow speaking of having lofty expectations for 2012 will make them disappear.  I don't even know what I am expecting.  Maybe just more good then bad?  Maybe it is just a better attitude?  Maybe the hope of a good year will be enough to make it so? 

Fingers crossed.

The Woodsman

The Par-Tay!

I rented out the YMCA for Wyatt's big party.  He was so excited about it.  He pretty much invited every kid he came in contact with. Someone at the library, another boy at Home Depot.  At one point he said that no girls were allowed to come but, thankfully, changed his mind.  He wanted a Lego Party. However, I was confidant that not all his friends were as proficient as he is.  So I betted on something everyone could enjoy - the gym a the Y then really hammed it up in the party room and favor boxes.  I think pictures will tell it better.

Wyatt's Lego cake.  I probably could have make it better working with fondant.  But fondant terrifies me.  And since I didn't start on the cake until Friday night, 2 beers in, I decided not to mess with anything new. When Wyatt saw it he exclaimed "Mom!  You're amazing!"  Best. Reaction. Ever.

 The table for the kids in the party room.  Complete with Happy Birthday spelled with Lego Duplo bricks on the mantle.  Not sure if you can really see it, but Wyatt and I wrapped the juice boxes to look like bricks too.  Mom made this Ah-Maze-Ing Lego Minifigure cut out box.  She attempted to take all the kids pictures in the box for the thank you cards.  Some kids were into it, other could care less.  

Wyatt, obviously, thought it was awesome.  So worth it.

This was the cake table.  I also made these chocolate covered marshmallow Lego head pops.  They were super easy and I had a ton of fun making the faces.  There are a lot with varying degrees of facial hair, Harry Potter, handle bar mustaches, and of course one with a Mike Tyson facial tattoo.  We made them for his class on Wednesday too.  Everyone was duly impressed. The boxes in the background are the favor boxes that Wyatt decorated with his Lego stickers. 

Wyatt was really into this.  We spent a good amount of time taking old broken crayons and melting them then pouring them into a Minifigure ice cube tray.  We made a ton of colors and each kid got a set of 5 in their favor boxes. Plus, it was a good activity for Wy and I.  We had some really good chats while unwrapping crayons. I also made a mini coloring book to go with them.  I was mildly nervous that some kid was going to think they were chocolate. 

The staff at the Y were totally amazing.  They kept the kids active and engaged for the whole hour, pulling out new stuff, organizing races, twisting Wyatt up in the parachute.  It was all really cute and was so worth it being able to watch him enjoying his day rather then trying to organize everything. Becca dressed Wy in this totally adorable outfit.  Once Wyatt got running, it was all over.  He kept running up to me saying "I'm sweaty." Then taking off another layer of clothing.  I finally had to tell him there was nothing left to take off.

 Everyone had a great time.  Especially Wyatt.  When it was time for cake, he ran into the other room then immediately asked to go back into the gym.  Kid loves his cake so that is definitely saying something.

I love this picture for 800 reasons.  First, the girl (Sophia) on the left!  Oh my God she is astonished.  Because it took Wyatt astonishingly long to blow out those 5 little candles.  And he got astonishingly close to burning off all his eyebrows.  Don't you want to go there?  Just live your entire life in this photo?

I am so happy that I had the opportunity to make him this happy. Happy Birthday, my love.

4 Years - 48 Months

My love,

When you woke up yesterday, you sat straight up in bed and starting yelling. "I'm 3! I'm 3! I'm 3? Mom, am I still 3?" I kept having to remind you that, yes, indeed you were still 3 but tomorrow you would be 4.  Then Auntie B was joking with you, asking you how old you were going to be, you kept answering 6. I partial think your number confusion is because you always forget 4.  You can count to 15 but will consistently skip 4.  1-2-3-5-6.  Like it doesn't exist.  I have worked on it with you for days, weeks, months even.  Still no 4.  I am hoping now that you ARE 4 it will magically come into existence.  I guess now we have a whole year to work on it.

We took a trip into the city the other day. It was an early birthday lunch and lego's date.  I usually drive in with you but this time I decided to take the train.  At every stop you would ask "Where are we now? Can we drive here?  Have I been to this town before?" The rest of the train was getting quite a kick out of you. You were just so curious. You were a little confused about how some trains we took were double deckers and others were "single deckers" and others were subways.  I was trying to explain the difference but, truth be told, I have no idea what makes them different.  We spent an indecent amount of time in the Lego store in Rockefeller Centre. Then walked to a restaurant and spent hours assembling some of the Lego's we bought. You actually want to complete them yourself now but don't really know how to read the "menu's" yet. So, I pick the pieces out for you, tell you where to put them, then have to watch patiently while you assemble.  I have to admit, it's hard not to jump in a take over.  You never get frustrated with pieces you can't quite put right and you rarely ask for help.  Most of the time, you have more patience then me.  After lunch, we took a nice 10 block walk to which you said "There is a lot of walking in this big city." You did great.  It was a first time I went in with just you and my bag.  It was liberating.

So much of our days are clouded with other things that need to get done.  Even when I am trying to just focus on sitting and playing with you, I am still petting the dogs.  Or anxious to get some laundry in.  Or figure out what's for dinner.  Or dragging you on errands.  Or jumping to answer the phone. You have story-time on Mondays.  So, we usually have pizza after school to get to the library on time.  I love that time with you but even then I am rushing you to eat so we won't be late.  There is always something else that needs to happen.  On our day in the city, I let all my errands, to-do-lists, and responsibilities fade.  Solely focused on you.  Your Legos.  And holding your hand when walking down the street. It was a good day. A really good day.

Now that you are older and definitely more independent, I have been finding myself daydreaming about what my life would have been like without you.  Where would I be living?  What state?  What country?  What would I be doing?  Who would I be living with?  What would I be like?  They seem to float in the back of my brain, haunting me at lonely moments.  I feel tremendous guilt about finding these questions in my head.  However, after allowing myself to dream for a little, I always come back to; no matter where I would be, whom I was with, or what I was doing I don't think I would have ever been as happy or fulfilled or grounded or passionate as I am right now.  Yes, I am sure my life would be exciting and happy as it always was.  But when I think of my life before you, in hindsight, it seems like I was lost.  Like there was something (or someone) missing.  Like I was waiting for my real life to begin.  My conclusion is I think it is ok to daydream every once and a while.  But Wyatt you have to understand, no matter what I missed out on, I would pick you every time.  I choose you.  I will always choose you.  I don't regret one minute I have gotten to spend with you. There is not one thing I would change.

I am sure at some point in your life, you will also begin to question: what have I done with my life?  Or where could it have gone if I made different choices?  Or what am I doing now?  Or what does my life really mean?  It might not seem like a great feat to be a good son.  But to me.  To me, you have been a miracle. You have given me the greatest gift and I am forever yours for it. You are the arrow that shoots right to the heart of me.  I love you with every fiber of who I am and with everything I have.  I am so blessed and grateful and joyous that you are in my life.  You are the best thing about me.  The other day you told me, "Mom, you make me feel like me."  Well, my love, you make me feel more like me too.

I love you Birthday Boy. Now and forever.
Momma

Protect and Serve

Wyatt One Liners

I was finishing up Wyatt's bath and mentioned that I was going out.
"You're going out to dinner?"
"Yes. I am late. So, lets hurry up."
"Am I coming?"
"Not this time bud."  I was expecting for him to be a little upset, instead he starts smiling.
"Thank you! Thank you!"
"Thank you?"
"There are no rules with Gammy and Pa!"
"No rules, huh." I asked Gammy about this once we got out and she promptly shushed Wyatt and told him that he was getting her in trouble.

Gammy was trying to get Wyatt ready in the morning.  (He is a BEAR in the morning.  It is a constant battle trying to get ready by 8:45).
"Wyatt, what do you think you want to wear today?"
"My sexy green shirt." And runs out of the room to get get it.  Gammy and I just look at each other. Where that came from, I still don't know.

I was cleaning with some music on.  Wyatt runs into me asking "Mom? What's this windy song?  It sounds like Dada." I promptly text Terry and ask him if he listened to the song with Wyatt in the car.  Terry had never heard of it before. It was Winter Winds by Mumford & Sons.  Weird, right?

Wyatt had an audition/interview in the city.  The last one he went on didn't go so well. They asked him to go in by himself and he didn't want to.  Of course, I didn't push him.  Well, this time I had told him what was going on and he thought it would be "ok".  He was great. Walks right in and when I got to him, he was Mr. Chatty schmoozing all the lady assistants.  After we left I asked him what happened and told him how proud I was of him. He goes "I brought my manners this time. Last time I left them at home."

We were crossing the parking lot at the grocery store and he didn't want to hold my hand.  I kept grabbing down at him; telling him he needed to be careful and that I didn't want him to get hurt.
"Wyatt, I would be very upset if something happened to you."
"If I got rund over, you can grow a new Wyatt."
"Bud, I could never grow another you! You are the only person that is exactly you."
"But you can grow me a brother."
"Not right this second. But eventually. Hopefully someday."

Wyatt just finished using the toliet.  "Hey, bud. Maybe it is time to learn how to wipe your own butt. Let me teach you.  You're a big boy now." After the tutoring was finished, (which was really weird.  Like really weird.) Wyatt goes "Now I know!  I can wipe your butt next time!"  Ummmm, no.

Wyatt and I are always striking deals.  If you eat one more bite you, can play for another 3 minutes.  Brush your teeth, then you can watch a little show.  Eat lunch, then you can have some chocolate.  I guess I always preface the ultimatum with "So here's the deal."  Wyatt eventually caught on.  Now, when I tell him a deal that he doesn't like so much he responds with "Well, that's not MY deal."

"The Weather is going to be Pretty Snowy"

3 Going On 70

Just Checkin Out My Rims, NBD.

47 Months

Lovey,

Another Christmas come and gone.  Another year, you insist that Christmas is not over and that it will come again soon or tomorrow or in a few more days. (You also insist that if we take the decorations down that it will never snow and we will never get to go skiing.  Because decorations and snow are directly correlated.) I realized that trying to explain the concept of time to a pre-schooler is utterly impossible.  There is just no effective way to explain what the new year means when you have no concept of time.  I have tried showing you a calendar.  And explaining about how you are 3 now but going to be 4.  Hell, I even went into the Earth turning around the sun.  Yeah, you still don't get it.  But you did ask me tonight, "If the Earth is turning all the time, how come we don't feel it and get dizzy?".  Yes, this is the kind of almost 4 year old you are.

I tried to get you to understand the giving spirit of Christmas this year.  I tried explaining that for every gift you want, you would have to think of a gift for someone else.  This back fired a little.  Because all of a sudden, you were feeling very generous. You wanted to give presents to every kid in your class. And lots of toys for me, Aunt Lizzy and Gammy. Pa always seemed to be on the naughty list (with Cash of course) but I am not really sure why. You didn't really grasp the concept of thinking of a gift that the specific person would like.  Although you did pick out a sweater for Auntie B that she really liked and actually did look like something she would wear.  So, kudos on your fashion sense. I got this idea from Parenting Magazine (like last year) for making gifts of mason jars filled with ingredients to make cookies.  I thought it looked pretty easy and something that you could get behind.  You had a lot of fun layering the ingredients, picking out the type of chocolate, and decorating the mason jars. We had a real blast making them.  But the thing that I loved most of all was watching you give them to your teachers.  You were so proud.  You demanded that they unwrap them and show them what you did. (And was the ONLY kid to bring in something home-made. Pat myself on the back, thank you very much.) You were so happy to give. I am hoping that you learned a little bit about the Christmas spirit.

This Christmas was the first that we got to sleep in on Christmas morning.  For as long as I can remember, we got up at 7 or 8 and had to be out of the house by 10:30.  It was always organized chaos between opening gifts, cleaning mass amounts of wrapping paper, and getting ready.  It was nice going to sleep, knowing that we didn't have to rush anywhere.  However, I was still up at 7.  Excited as I have ever been.  Knowing Santa had visited our house.  Waiting to watch the excitement on your face.  Except you decided to sleep.  The one morning that I can't wait to get out of bed and you slept in past 8:30.  At one point, I was staring so intently on your face, simply willing you to wake up.  Wake. Up.  It was uncanny. It did allow me to just watch you for a while and take in the stillness of the morning before all hell broke loose.  When you finally did open your eyes and found me watching you, the first thing you said was "Let's go! Come on Mom"

Waiting for midnight.

We got invited to a New Years party at a church friends house.  She told me that a bunch of kids were going to be there and to bring you.  I thought this sounded brilliant.  Since you came into my life, New Years has become less about a raging party and more about spending time with the one I love most.  Which is you.  So, I got you dressed in your finest sweater vest and you insisted on your sparkle shoes.  Because, you know, its a party.  And a fire man hat for good luck.  I was slightly nervous that you were going to be a little clingy.  Yes, there were going to be kids but you didn't know any of them.  You asked me on the drive over "Is there going to be any dancing at this party." "I'm not sure, Bud.  Maybe."  I am not quite sure what prompted that but evidently you were in the mood to dance.  You found three other 3 year olds the minute we walked into the playroom and I barely saw you for the rest of the night.  I would search around there house for you only to find you snacking on chips and playing.  At one point, you had a dance party with all of the kids and was trying to do the worm to LMFAO's "I'm Sexy and I know It". Kids love that song.  I also found you watching TV, with a girl on each side of you, holding hands.  My friend asked me if she should be nervous about her daughter and step-daughter. Votes not in on that yet.  Around 11, I tried to get you to go home.  You told me that I could leave, but you were staying at the party.  Just before midnight, you found me calling "Mom!  Mom!  Hurry, the new year is starting!"  We went into the kitchen and got pots and pans. I watched the ball drop with you sitting at me feet, itching to go outside and make a lot of noise.  But you were patient enough to give me a hug and kiss before you did.

Gammy and Pa rang in the New Year in Brooklyn so we had the house to ourselves.  We decided to have a big sleep over in my bed.  You hogged the bed, breathing on my neck until 10am.  Pup and Cash took over below our feet.  Snoring.  Because those are our dogs.  Spoiled rotten, snoring, beasts.  All I kept thinking of, on my tiny portion of my big bed, kept awake by snores and body heat, was I love this life.  Wyatt, I love our life.  Every crazy moment.  I wouldn't trade it for anything.  It was a great New Years.  I think 2012 is going to be a really good year.

I love you everyday,
Momma

"When is it Going to Be Christmas Again?"

Things I Learned in 2011

I learned that Wyatt is a phenomenal traveler.  I could take that kid anywhere.
I actually shockingly enjoy cooking but it has to be my idea and in my time frame.
True friends, no matter how long the absence, will always feel like you saw them yesterday.
Funniest Home Videos always gets me laughing. And it seems to be genetic. Wyatt laughs every time too.
Getting your heart broken sucks. But watching Wyatt's heart get broken is devastating.
I will always feel more like myself when I am near the ocean.

I learned that stepping on Lego's barefoot is horribly painful.
South Carolina still feels like home, even after all these years.
My family is not normal. In a good way.
Cash is a great dog, he just hasn't reached his full potential yet.
I hate texting.
Despite my best efforts, Wyatt will pick up unsavory behavior that I will have no control over, ie: phumming, spiderman, ninjas, etc.

I have learned that what will be, will be and there is really not much I can do about it.
I am really going to miss Lizzy when she goes back to school.
We live in a really small town, sometimes I love this and other times I hate it.
I can't say no to a cuddly sleepy child.
Lazer hair removal was the most frivolous thing I have ever done. But I am SO happy with the results.
I love giving gifts but sometimes it is also nice to receive. I need to get better at receiving.

I have learned to let go. I cannot fix everything. I am only human. Sometimes you just have to let go.
I am not Shakespeare but writing helps me get through everything.
Wyatt can find joy in the littlest things. I am going to try and be more like him this year.
Everything is temporary, the good and the bad.
I am proud that I am happy 8 out of every 10 days. I would just rather be happy.
There are no rules in the game of love. I can't help what my heart wants no matter what my brain says.

I will never get tired of listening to Wyatt put Cash in time out.
Life moves so fast, don't blink or you might miss something.
Wyatt's imagination is forcing me to be more creative. I accept the challenge. Let's see what we can dream up in 2012.
I still need to learn to stop being so optimistic and a little more realistic.
I am a sucker for calloused hands and a pickup truck. Works every time.
Long Beach is an instant vacation. I love it there and could never thank Jen enough for introducing us.

I have learned to keep my family and sisters top priority; I will let nothing come in between our relationship again.
Wyatt says the most amazing and hilarious things. I vow to start carrying a notepad to get them all down.
You never know how quickly life can change.
I will never grow tired of being Wyatt's Mom.
My most favorite time of day is bedtime, reading books to Wyatt, and feeling him fall asleep in the crook of my arm. And I am lucky enough that I get to do it almost every night.
I am ready for my next big adventure.

This Has to be Good Luck, right?

Christmas in Pictures

The stockings were hung...

The amount of gifts under the tree seems to be growing exponential every year. I think it is because we have the 3 girls, plus Wyatt, buying gifts instead of just my parents.  Each of us had at least 2 presents for each family member, sometimes more.  It is a little ridiculous and I have to admit to being a little embarrassed about the quantity. One of Wyatt's favorite gifts was a kid's digital camera that Terry gave to him. He took a picture of every gift he got and the tree and almost everything else. He was being very patient waiting for the girls to get up and even took a picture of Santa's half eaten cookies.

I have been talking a lot about taking Wyatt skiing this winter (if we get any snow, none yet).  I think it is best to start them off early.  Most of my skiing stuff I have outgrown or lost through the years.  It has been almost 5 years for me.  I am proud to say that Wyatt and I are now set for the slopes.  I got him a helmet and goggles, that he would try on periodically try on throughout the day.  Becca got me goggles and Mom got me a new NorthFace and snow pants.

Wyatt's last present was a box with a note from Santa inside.  It said "Dear Wyatt, I can't fit your last present under the tree.  Go check on the back deck.  Merry Christmas! Love, Santa"  Lizzy read the note to Wyatt and he BOOKED it outside, ran right past the HUGE power wheels fire truck and looked up on the roof.  Clearly, if Santa was going to leave him a gift it would be on the roof.  When he finally saw the truck his entire face lit up.  It was the best part of Christmas.  We eventually moved it inside so he could really see it instead of sitting out in the cold.  Lizzy gave him an entire fireman outfit that he insisted on wearing while riding in his truck. So worth every penny.

The maiden voyage.  He took driving very seriously.  He would be smiling from ear to ear then put his foot on the gas pedal and go very serious.  I kept on telling him to stay by the curb and he kept telling me "I can't, Mom.  I don't have my divers' license yet. And my sirens are on so the cars will move out of the way."  Did I mention the very loud working sirens? Finally, Lizzy drew him up a fake divers' license.  I am envisioning hours of fun this summer.  Now, if only we had somewhere to store it for the winter.  I told Dad that he might need to build a garage for it.

Traditionally, we have an epic board game the day after Christmas. This year, the board game was over shadowed be the HUGE amount of Lego's Wyatt received.  At one point the 3 of us were building while Wyatt stood by and supervised.  He has got us all whipped.  Dad bought Wyatt and I this sorting system that I just spent an hour organizing.  I am about 1/2 way done.  As I am typing, Cash fell into the whole thing, knocking everything to the floor.  I am listening to this happening right now.  I refuse to look.  That dog will be the end of me.  My bedroom is coined the "Lego Room" that is how many new sets he got.  His train table has been dismantled to carry the load.  I wouldn't have it any other way.

This Christmas was awesome.  As Wyatt gets older, experiencing the magic through his eyes is breath taking.  The spirit, the love, the joy, the excitement of Christmas lives in his every move.  Its contagious.  My Christmas spirit was feed by his.  It makes spending all this money so worth it.  Out of all my Christmas's, all of the wonder of my childhood, this Christmas was by far the best because I got to make Christmas magical for my boy.

Is It Really Christmas Already?