36 Months - 3 Years!!

Goose,

This morning I asked what you wanted for breakfast and you say "Let's celebrate first."  And so we celebrated with a game called whatever Wyatt says goes.  Its your favorite game.  But I kept on getting distracted by just staring at you wondering how you got to be this grown-up boy in front of me.  It is totally beyond my comprehension that you are 3 years old.   For some reason, when I was pregnant and had these elaborate daydreams about you, you were either a baby or about 7.  I really never had interaction with children in those in-between ages.  (Well, I guess Lizzy counts but I seem to have blocked those years from my memory.)  So, I guess I haven't be able to envision what you would be like at 3 or 4 or 5.  And here you are.  An age which I really adore.  Your intelligent, imaginative, and funny while still allowing me to have time with the incredibly loving baby you were.  It feels like this breaking age between you being a baby and becoming a child.  I think as I am preparing you for your growing childhood, you are also preparing me for your growing independence.  It is a time that is the best of both worlds.

When you were sick this month (all month between the flu and double ear infections), all you wanted to do was lay on my lap and cuddle.  You reverted to this child who needed me so badly.  I was reminded all over again of your first few months on this earth and how far we have come.  How much you have grown and how much you have learned.  How independent you now are, that the small baby you once were is barely recognizable.  Sometimes I feel like you have learned more in your three years then I have in the last 10.  You have taken over my life so completely and I have so willingly given you control, something I have never done before.  I had thought that by now, I would have wanted to regain some of my independence.  But I find you so unequivocally interesting and amazing that I haven't really thought about it.  My life revolves around you.  I make no apologies for it.  In fact, I am a more confident, grounded person because it revolves around you.

I got you your first big boy bike for your birthday.  It took me about a hour at Toy R Us to find this bright yellow Schwin that reminded me of summer sunshine.  I actually tried out a few of them until some lady caught me and made me feel ridiculous.  Maybe in older years, you can pick your own bike out but I wanted to surprise you this time.  I can't wait to chase after you on the side streets.  To take on the next phase of your mobility.  As I pulled out the bike, and you smiled, then jumped on.  It took my breath away.  How did you get so big?  How did this time go by so fast?  It feels like you have been in my life forever and suddenly 3 years all at the same time.  And now when the weather changes, you will be riding up and down the street on your new bike just as I did decades ago.  Wow.  Just wow.

Sometimes, when you are scared, we hold hands because I have told you that together we can be braver then if we were by ourselves.  "Momma, I am making you brave." you say.  You don't just make me brave, love.  You make me proud.  I am proud of you.  In everything that you do.  Proud of the amazing boy you have become.  How compassionate you are.  How well-adjusted and adventurous.  How self-assured and adaptable.  Hell, I am proud of me.  Proud that I have surpassed my wildest expectations of the kind of mother I thought I would be.  Proud that I have had some part in making you as amazing as you are. You are and always will be my greatest accomplishment and my greatest source of joy and pride.  I hope you always remember, that you always know, how brave and proud and happy and loved you make me feel.  And I hope you always know how incredibly loved you are.

I love you everyday,
Your Momma