A Year Ago Today

Lizzy's Gang

Lizzy hangs out with a motley crew of budding citizens of the world.  Most of her friends walk right into the house, regardless if Lizzy is home, and go straight for the snack cabinet usually eating us to the poor house.  Even having the balls to take liquor right from under my Dad nose.  Hell, Lauren stole Wyatt's goldfish the other day.  Now that's moxie when you can steal from a toddler.  The girls are great with few character flaws most of which involve cheerleading.  However, its her guy friends that astound, amaze, and never fail to crack me up.   As much as they annoy me with there wall penetrating, booming, screeching, voices at 3 in the morning, I am always fondly reminded of my high school days and am amazed at the genuinely decent people they have become.

If Jack Black, John Belushi, and Pauly Shore had a child that would be Kurt.  Kurt has the distinct ability to make me laugh no matter what my mood with his crass, witty humor.  When I told the boys that I was pregnant, Kurt said that he would marry me, give me $1000 and a $1000 to the baby because that is the right thing to do.  He is also the same man who ran into my room while Wyatt and I were sleeping and jumped into my bed because he wanted to say hi. Then when I promptly removed him ran out of the room yelling "I just got her pregnant AGAIN!" 

Stephen is Kurts younger tragically hip little brother.  He typically is attached to some kind of skateboard with skinny jeans down to his knees, a studded belt, and chunky Vans.  He could pass for a 12 year old with his very boyish, youthful face and Rob Pattinson, shock inspired hair. Rebecca has a particular fondness for Stephen and won't hear a bad word about him.  Kurt and Stephen brought Wyatt a toy when he was born which I think was much of their mothers influence but a nice gesture none the less. 

Tony, what can I possibly say about Tony?  Tony has made the blog once already.  He is an extremely opinionated, angry drunk with a heart of gold, that is the sweetest boy on the planet that I secretly (or not so) want to become my brother in law.   He is extremely protective of Lizzy in a older brother/stalker way that gets a gold star in my book.  He seems to be very mature for his age surrounded by a sense of worry and self awareness of the world he is part of.  Much of his air of maturity seems to leave him when he takes to the bottle, usually picking fights with people much bigger and older.  But you can't fault him because drinking gives most of us false confidence.

Timmy asked if he could be Wyatt's godfather while I was still pregnant.  I told him the position was already taken so he inquired about being Crazy Uncle Timmy because everyone needs a crazy uncle.  Wyatt has a Great Uncle Timmy but not a Crazy Uncle Timmy and he was satisfied with that.  He sporadically calls from college to ask how Wyatt is doing because he knows that Wyatt is missing Timmy's manly pep talks.  He is a handsome devil that can get away with anything with a flash of a smile and a few honey sweet sentences.  I probably have only seen Timmy sober once but maybe that is some of his charm.  One night, he was screaming outside my bedroom door while Wyatt was sound asleep.  I was enraged and ran out to do some yelling myself.  I was met with a stoned Timmy throwing himself at me with a bear hug for "his favorite MILF".  (His words not mine).

My point in introducing these cast of characters is I hope that Wyatt grows up to have friends like this.  I never remembered the boys of my high school days being so self-assured, so witty, so supporting and caring.  Maybe they were but I couldn't see it at the time.  I hope that I have a home that Wyatt's friends feel comfortable in, the way that Lizzy, Rebecca, and I had.  I hope that Wyatt's friends create a diverse network of support, love, and fun.  Most of all, I know that high school friendship are fleeting and I hope that the genuine affection that these boys have for one another and Lizzy will stretch far into the future.

N/R to the Unknown

My metrocard is empty.  I have been holding on to my metrocard, stored in my wallet, for a very long time.  When I would go into NYC, I would always add $10 to the card so that I wouldn't have to throw it out, regardless of the previous amount.  I think I have had that same card since I left for South Carolina.  It was my feeble attempt to remain connected to the city that I once called home.  I was comforting to me to open my wallet and see the yellow, black, and blue; a solid reminder of my former life.  A reminder that my life in the city did exist because sometimes it feels so far removed that it might as well be a dream.  I swiped it at the turnstile, hearing the telltale extra beep, and drew in a deep breath.  As I walked upstairs to the platform holding the card in my hand, I debated to throw it out or not.  I threw it out.

Even after I moved out of the city, friends would still call me for subway and bus directions because I knew the maps so well.  I knew where to transfer, where to catch express buses and which entrances would be open late night.  More than that, I knew where to find grocery stores, good bars or restaurants and where specific stores where located.  I called Hayley for the directions to the restaurant we were meeting at and I actually had to write it down. Houston/Thompson.  I couldn't visualize where that was.  I didn't know how to get there.  Even getting there for me was a challenge.  I had to look at several maps and kept on watching the subway stations pass as I made my way to the restaurant.  

Once in the city, I found different stores where familiar ones used to be.  It was a whole new terrain but with that same gut feeling of possibility, adventure, and comfort.  My gait was a little slower; commuters flying past me.  My missing Ipod making me feel naked.  Hell, I didn't carry a bag at all knowing that Hayley would have one.  Every stitch of clothing that I had on was Rebeccas because none of mine felt appropriate.  I never considered myself a trendy person (I can hear my friends laughing for miles just for putting Kate and Trendy in the same sentence).  I never went to the popular clubs, or expensive restaurants, or bought that fabulous bag.  But I knew the names; knew what styles were in and what styles were crazy Brooklyn hipsters; knew the hit shows on Broadway.  This time I just felt lost; like I didn't know where to look.  I felt like I was moving in slow motion while everyone around me was moving at full speed.  I felt totally out of place in the city that taught me how to dream, how to live, how to love.

I had an amazing night.  Hayley showed me a great time catching a concert at a recently opened venue that smelled like wood and looked like something out of a magazine.  Then there was the bar hopping, too much drinking, and dancing like limbless elephants (I speak for myself obviously Hayley was more graceful).   It was an ordinary night for my college years but something spectacular for me now.  I don't feel all that different but on nights like these I can't help but reflect how far removed I feel from my past life.  I loved living in the city and wouldn't trade those 5 years for anything.  I love getting the chance to relive them every once and a while.  I think about moving Wy and I into the city sometimes but I want him to have a backyard and a mom that doesn't have to work all the time to pay steep rents.   Although I love city nights it is far more satisfying for me to stay home, singing the "Isty Bitsy Spider" on repeat, with a smiling Wyatt on my lap.  I wonder if I could ever weld my experiences together to form something entirely new.  Am I doing that already?

In the cab on the way home I texted myself - "Like a sheep in wolves clothing, I have shed my skin."  Clearly, in my liquored state I thought this was a very important revelation but when I read it the next morning in Rebecca's apartment with Wyatt on my lap I had no idea what it meant.  Thoughts?  

The Coldest January

Sick, My Ass (or) Wyatt's Favorite Time of Day

The Dawn of a New Day

I really have to go to bed. I have a busy day in the morning and Wyatt has been sleeping terribly. But I can't stop smiling and I can't calm down. I am addicted to CNN and am so upset that I couldn't be in DC right now. I almost cried and got chills several times watching the Inauguration this afternoon at the gatehouse with Michael, Joanna, and Wyatt. I know that Obama can't fix everything, or possibly anything. But the hope, the sheer hope of this day is contagious and palpable. I am so very happy that this day has finally come. I will fall asleep with a smile on my face. And now the speech... seriously, can he give a bad speech?!

Oh, and check this out. Awesome...

My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors. I thank President Bush for his service to our nation as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition.

Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath.

The words have been spoke during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because We the People have remained faithful to the ideals of our forbearers, and true to our founding documents.

So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans.

That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age.

Homes have been lost, jobs shed, businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly, our schools fail too many, and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.

These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. Less measurable, but no less profound, is a sapping of confidence across our land; a nagging fear that America's decline is inevitable, that the next generation must lower its sights.

Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real, they are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this America: They will be met.

On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.

On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn-out dogmas that for far too long have strangled our politics.

We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.

In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of shortcuts or settling for less.

It has not been the path for the faint-hearted, for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame.

Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things -- some celebrated, but more often men and women obscure in their labor -- who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.

For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life. For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West, endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.

For us, they fought and died in places Concord and Gettysburg; Normandy and Khe Sahn.

Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction.

This is the journey we continue today. We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth. Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. Our capacity remains undiminished. But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions -- that time has surely passed.

Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America.

For everywhere we look, there is work to be done.

The state of our economy calls for action: bold and swift. And we will act not only to create new jobs but to lay a new foundation for growth.

We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together.

We will restore science to its rightful place and wield technology's wonders to raise health care's quality and lower its costs.

We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age.

All this we can do. All this we will do.

Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions, who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short, for they have forgotten what this country has already done, what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose and necessity to courage.

What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them, that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long, no longer apply.

The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works, whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified.

Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end.

And those of us who manage the public's knowledge will be held to account, to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day, because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.

Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched.

But this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control. The nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous.

The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our gross domestic product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on the ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart -- not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good.

As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals.

Our founding fathers faced with perils that we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations.

Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience's sake.

And so, to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and we are ready to lead once more.

Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with the sturdy alliances and enduring convictions.

They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use. Our security emanates from the justness of our cause; the force of our example; the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

We are the keepers of this legacy, guided by these principles once more, we can meet those new threats that demand even greater effort, even greater cooperation and understanding between nations. We'll begin to responsibly leave Iraq to its people and forge a hard- earned peace in Afghanistan.

With old friends and former foes, we'll work tirelessly to lessen the nuclear threat and roll back the specter of a warming planet.

We will not apologize for our way of life nor will we waver in its defense.

And for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that, "Our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken. You cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you."

For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness.

We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus, and nonbelievers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth.

And because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.

To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect.

To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict or blame their society's ills on the West, know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy.

To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history, but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.

To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds.

And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to the suffering outside our borders, nor can we consume the world's resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it.

As we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. They have something to tell us, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages.

We honor them not only because they are guardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service: a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves.

And yet, at this moment, a moment that will define a generation, it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all.

For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies.

It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break; the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours.

It is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.

Our challenges may be new, the instruments with which we meet them may be new, but those values upon which our success depends, honesty and hard work, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism -- these things are old.

These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history.

What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility -- a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character than giving our all to a difficult task.

This is the price and the promise of citizenship.

This is the source of our confidence: the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.

This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed, why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall. And why a man whose father less than 60 years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.

So let us mark this day in remembrance of who we are and how far we have traveled.

In the year of America's birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by nine campfires on the shores of an icy river.

The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood.

At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:

"Let it be told to the future world that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive, that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet it."

America, in the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words; with hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come; let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.

Thank you. God bless you. And God bless the United States of America.

Argyle Sweater: Check, Fur Throw: Check, Pants: Oops!

The Flood

You know that place in between dreaming and waking where your mind just wanders.  The other night it was raining very hard and it gets a little loud on our high ceiling.  Usually this lulls me to sleep but in my almost sleeping state my mind started rambling.  I don't really know how to write about it so I am just going to give you a play by play:

It is really raining.  Its been raining for almost 29 hours, thats a really long time.  The tide was so high the dock was underwater.  Wyatt loves walking on that dock.  I hope its not structurally unsound after all this rain.  Are we in a flood zone?  Maybe it is going to rain for 40 days and 40 nights.  God is purging the Earth.   That is definitely what is happening.  So, what is the family boat situation?  We've got the canoe which is not ideal for rainy weather.  You can't really sleep on that.  I wonder if we could fit a tent in Grandpa's clam boat.  Does James still have his Boston Whaler?  I bet that Eric would take my family on his sailboat because his family has two boats.  There is a cabin on that and we could use the dingy for storage.  Confining Wyatt on a boat would be like a bull in a china shop.  We would have to stock up on a lot of canned goods.  But I wouldn't want to litter the cans.  We could crush them and keep them with us until we could recycle.  Wait, would there be recycling when everything dried?  Etc, Etc, ad nauseam.

When I woke up in the morning I told my mom and Lizzy my Noah's ark quandary.  They both thought this was a bizarre, morbid, thought process.  Meanwhile I thought everyone had mental ramblings like this.  These are daily occurrences for me.  I am always contemplating "what if" scenarios in microscopic detail.  Like what if I died tomorrow?  What if there was an earthquake?  What if that noise was a murderer coming to kill me?  Or more positive things like what if I won 12 million dollars?  What if I kissed the next person to walk in my house?  What if I moved to Africa with Wyatt strapped on my back to help AIDS orphans?  I guess not all people think like that but if they don't what do they think of? Or do their minds go blank and fuzzy like snow on the TV?

I have had several dreams about floods lately.  Three that I can remember in the past week.  I looked it up in my dream dictionary.  Yes, I have one of those.  Got it at the St. John's fair for $1 and it was totally worth it.  It says a flood represents a powerful emotional cleansing experience or that I am experiencing emotions that may be overwhelming.  Funny part is I can't think of anything that is really overwhelming me at the moment.  Emotionally, I am feeling very happy and contented lately.  I have a great job with a lot of potential.  Lizzy's health is on the upswing.  Wyatt is joyously happy and thriving. I have the best babysitters in the world.  I am trying to have a social life and am enjoying every moment with Eric.  I am feeling very hopeful for a good year.  Yes, there are some icky things but none that are grossly overwhelming.  I guess I have to think on it some more because these flood dreams just keep on coming.

11 Months

Goose, 

I'm late on your monthly letter.  I know.  I'm sorry.  It's the first time but I am sure not the last. You can hold it against me when your older.  You will probably hold a lot of things against me but I will worry about that later.  For now, you are the image of perfection and love, wonderment and joy.

You have learned quite a few new tricks this month, several of them not so fabulous.  I'll start out with the most adorable.  You have learned, via your Auntie B, to give kisses.  She literally suffocates you with kisses when she is home that I think you just picked up on it.  When asked for a kiss you open your mouth and lean into my face.  You are still working on it but it is very very cute.  Sometimes you even get going with this smacking sound.  You have learned the word "down" which comes out more as "doun" or "dom". You especially love saying this when I am trying to put you in for a nap.  You start wiggling around on my lap repeating "down, doun, doun, dom..."  Yes, my darling, I know you want down but Momma needs to eat so lets focus on the napping right now.  You might not say it quite right but you definitely know what it means.

On the not so cute front, you are the fastest baby on the planet.  The other day we were sitting on the floor playing with your toys still surrounding the Christmas tree.  Grandpa was carrying a TV outside so I got up to open the door for him.  Literally, I walked to the door, held it open, then turned around and came back inside.  You had stood up, walked to the tree, reached your little hand as high as you could reach, pulled down this fish Christmas ornament, and proceeded to eat it.  Yes, thats right.  When I sat back down next to you, your lips were smacking and there were little pieces of fish ornament on the floor.  PANIC!!!!  I pried your mouth open to find nothing but clearly there were pieces on the floor.  Gammy and Grandpa didn't think that there was much to worry about while I was having a coronary.  I called Dr. Greg immediately and explained that you might or might not have eaten a tiny piece of Christmas ornament.  He thinks I am crazy.  He said to call back if I had any concrete evidence.  After poop watching for about a week, lets just say nothing came out.

You are quite the good walker now. You are careful around the saddles in the carpet and if you have your non-slip socks on you are ok to go in the kitchen.  You rarely fall and if you start you usually land on your butt or catch yourself.  However, you have started this running thing. You can run while holding my hand but you have been testing your independent running skills recently and I think I have about 50 new gray hairs because of it.  We have this new train table (Thanks Mary!!  I LOVE it and Wyatt likes it too).  It is perfectly your height and although you are not that into building train tracks right now, you love to roll balls around on it.  Anyway, the other day you started running, couldn't stop, and I couldn't catch up to you before you ran right into the table, resulting in a fabulous bruise on your cheek.  You barely cried but I feel awful and am back to holding your hand all the time regardless of the running.  Yes, I know you want to be independent but I am not going to sit back and watch you hurt yourself.  Besides I like holding your hand.  You might not be my little baby for very much longer.

I wave at all the nursery school children that I see when I am work.  All I can think about is you might be going there by next year.  It is amazing to me that you will learn and grow so much in a year.  For me, as an adult, years go by and sometimes nothing changes.  I learn nothing new.  Years string into years, overlapping, so you can't pick out the end of one and the beginning of another.  For you, everything is new, intriguing, something to figure out and discover.  You are growing everyday, learning everyday, and making every single moment count.  Maybe if we all lived a little bit more like you we would appreciate our lives and world in a whole new way.  I guess you are teaching me a thing or two.

I love you everyday.

Mom

These Chucks Are Made for Walking

Insert Therapy Joke Here

In an effort to better myself for 2009, I have decided to go back to my therapist.  After working so hard to call it off last time it was a big decision for me.  But I distinctly feel that there are some things that I should work on with a professional.  Things that I just can't seem to wrap my head around and things that I would like to bounce off someone that is detached from the situation.  I would like to believe this is the mature thing to do rather then feeling like I am running back to her with my tail between my legs.

I hesitate to mention this but deep breath and leap, right?  Drum roll please....I am kind of dating someone.  He is an ex-boyfriend that I dated for about a year.  Eric knew about my pregnancy, keeping in touch throughout, and came to see Wyatt for the first time when he was about 4 months.  We have been getting slightly more serious but I really, really, really have no idea how to do this.  Successfully managing dating and motherhood is my first topic to cover in therapy.  Talk about a big agenda.  I have been having a hard time committing and can't understand why.  Eric is great and Wyatt adores him.  What is my issue?! 

Next on my list is how to better communicate with Terry and his parents.  I feel very lost in how to define our relationship.  I am also extremely hesitant to speak up because I am afraid that hurt feelings might tarnish our life long partnership.  It is something I really need to get over.  It is a really strange relationship for all of us and seems to be getting more and more complicated.  And I can foresee it getting more complicated in the future.  Now, I know that therapy will not "solve" all these nagging questions but at least I will feel more confident to cope with them.

This blog is very cathartic for me and does help a great deal in enabling me to flush out my thoughts.  However, despite my extrovert nature, there are somethings that I would rather not discuss in a public forum hence where the therapist comes in.  Sorry, Internet.  All the gory, messy details will come out in a tell-all book that I am thinking about writing.  I am sure there will be interesting posts to come as the issues come to fruition.  Here's to a step in the right direction to start off 2009.

Ho, Ho, Ho

Things I Learned in 2008

I learned how to juggle 12 things at once.

How to change a diaper and make a bottle.

My body is a work of art and every wrinkle and bump has a purpose.

I took sleeping through the night for granted.

Responsibility is a state of mind.

True friendship is very hard to come by.

I cannot control anyone's reactions but my own.

Always keep extra clothes handy in case of explosive baby.

I can see promise in any situation.

I have great respect for stay at home moms.

I have no idea why but when I drink I acquire a southern accent.

I admire Lizzy's motivation, will, and her sheer grace through hardship.

I want to please everyone but that is not possible.

I love driving with a baby sleeping in the back seat.

Actions speak much louder then words.

I was wrong.  I like kids.  And I can admit it.

My spirituality is a work in progress.

My family continues to amaze me.

My sisters are my greatest source of strength.

I want more children.

Praise God for Walmart!

People say its an act of love to euthanize a pet but it feels more like an act of betrayal.

A beer cozi is the best way to keep a bottle warm.

My past and my present sometimes blend perfectly.

Forgiveness is a lot easier then being angry but a lot harder.

Formula sucks but is better then getting bitten.

Karma is real.  You get back what you put out.

Sometimes severe pain equals great joy.

I am more comfortable in my skin then I ever have been.

I am becoming my mother and surprisingly that is a very good thing.

My boobs are much more then mounds of skin. 

Motherhood has taught me so much about myself.

No matter how much Nana makes there will never be enough tapioca pudding.

With the right music my mood can change in an instant.

Being a grown up is scary yet satisfying.

I appreciate our world more by experiencing everything through Wyatt's eyes.

Being a mother came much easier then I ever anticipated.

Sometimes wine is a necessary evil. 

People will surprise me and not always in a good way.

Hope is palpable. (The angels sing "Obama") 

I can love much more then I ever dreamed possible.

Wyatt is my biggest accomplishment and my greatest joy.