Bed Hopping

I am in trouble.  I am, for sure, starting very bad habits that I seem to be unable to stop.  Wyatt always starts the night off in his crib.  Usually, around 3 or 4am he wakes up having peed through everything.  There is no diaper that could possibly contain all of his night time peeing.  I have tried different brands, different absorbencies, everything and I have given up.  I get him changed and sit to rock him back to sleep.  Sometimes this works and he will be back to sleep in a half hour.  Most of the time it doesn't and that is when my weakness prevails.

After rocking for a good half hour, I start getting very tired.  My eyelid start to droop and I slide lower and lower in the rocking chair.  I try to stay focus frightened that I will fall asleep with Wy in my arms and drop him.  I watch the clock and give myself time lines.  When the clock hits 3:30 or in another 10 minutes.  Then I move him to his crib.  I will just get back in bed, cozy and comfortable, to hear him rustling then grabbing the bars to struggle to stand.  Sometimes I try to rock him some more if I am wide wake and have nothing to do the next day.  But most often I carry him to Mommy's Big Bed and tuck him close next to me where he sleeps like a baby, which we all know doesn't happen often.

I try.  I really really do. I sleep better with him in his crib.  When he is next to me I worry constantly about rolling over on him so I rarely get to a deep sleep.  He is a huge bed hog for a little boy.  He kicks me continuously.  I will rock him for hours then give him 5 minutes next to me in bed and he's out.  I know it is a very bad habit but sometimes I am just so very tired that I can't help it.  In the middle of the night all I can think about is the multitude of things I have the accomplish the next day and how 4 hours of sleep will not allow me to function.  I honestly do not know how to break this vicious cycle.

I have been reading a Dr. Ferber book for about two months.  I have thought about letting him cry it out but I don't think I have it in me.  Even if I did, I am sure that he would wake the house up and someone else would come running to his rescue.  I have thought about moving to the couch when he gets loud so I can ignore him through the monitor but then I remember how cold the couch is.  Yes, I admit, I do enjoy waking up next to him.  I leisurely get us out of bed after telling him a story or playing a game of high five.  But that is never the reason why I put him in my bed in the first place.  I am having a lot of trouble with this.  I am afraid that I am creating a lasting habit and it will be even harder to get him out of my bed later.  But seriously what am I suppose to do?  I just can't rock him for 2 hours every night.