May The Birthday Be With You

60 Months - 5 Years

Bud, 

Last night, you told me "Mom, when you wake up and I am 5, you are going to go crazy!"  You are officially 5 and I am officially going crazy. I am having a hard time this year putting words to what I am feeling. You feel 5 to me.  I am not astonished just excited.  These last 5 years have been the best of my life. Today is a celebration! You simply amaze me. Everyday. With your wit and sarcasm. With your sense of humor and lust for information. With your fearlessness and adventurous attitude. With your sheer ability to love. You are the most affectionate and sweet five-year-old I know. You care about people. You’re empathetic and compassionate. I am just so incredibly proud of you. I am so proud to be your mom.

You have been fairly attached to me lately in a way that is a little unusual.  You want to, not only, sit next to me but on my lap or with our chairs touching.  You teared up when asking if it was okay to still come in my bedroom if you got scared when you get older.  You want to hold my hand and ask when I will be home.  I am not sure if it is because of our impending move or if it is just a phase.  Maybe it's just because you spend most of your waking hours with me.  I take you with me everywhere.  We map out our day together every morning.  You, matter of factly, told me that you are my best friend. “And Jen too” you amended.  I am equally as attached to you.  I genuinely enjoy spending my time with you.  I look forward to seeing you when I've been away. We make each other belly laugh till tears run down our cheeks.  I find it amazing that I asked you to help me pick out shoes in DSW and you found the exact ones that I would have picked myself.  We make a pretty remarkable team.

You had kindergarten registration the other day. I didn’t cry when I received the notice in the mail just stared at it in disbelief for a little while.  I am so excited for you.  For this next monumental step in your life.  For being able to watch you grow and mature into the boy you are becoming.  I sat down to fill out the volumes of paperwork and off you went. I sensed a little of your hesitation but you pushed through. I know you wanted to explore your new school with me but I think you understood that it was a new place just for you.  The 5 years old, I can comprehend.  Its the kindergarten that I can't.  Adding to the surrealism was filling out all the paperwork with our new address and new phone number.  This is all really happening.  And it is all moving faster then I ever imagined.   

I find myself searching your face, surprised when I still see expressions that you made when you were a baby. Watching your lips when you talk, taking in the way they move. Or how your eyes go big when you speak of the latest Star Wars guy you are obsessed with. You are still in there; that same angelic baby I fell in love with five years ago. But somehow it has turned into so much more. You have grown into so much more. We sat down to watch some old home movies last night, a mini celebration of the 5 years of you.  We laughed watching you toddle across the screen, listened to you tell stories in your broken baby English, commented on how you excitedly have been rubbing your hands together for years.  Gammy reflected while I was switching tapes, "Take him in now because in 5 more years you are going to be nostalgic for the things that are happening now."  She is right.

I didn’t think it was possible to love you any more then I did five years ago but it just keeps growing and growing. This expanse of love that I had no idea I was capable of. I keep waiting for it to reach its ceiling but it never does.

My big, grown up, cuddly boy, I love you everyday and I always will. 
Happy Birthday.
Momma

Our Santa

59 Months

Monkey,

This Christmas we got a special surprise.  You got chosen to play Santa in the Night Before Christmas play at school.  You were the only kid with a line, "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night".  I'm still not sure how they chose you.  Your charm.  Innocent good looks.  Ability to yell over other kids.  Sheer nepotism cause Momma works there and everybody loves you.  I am going to bet on all of the above.  I got you to practice at home by asking you to say your line instead of saying please. To say that everyone was excited about your debut is an understatement.  We brought an entourage of people.  Auntie B and Pa took off from work.  Aunt Lizzy and Nana wouldn't dare miss it.  And of course Gammy and me.  You were amazing.  The confidence!  The direction!  The biggest smile ever!  With your classmates as reindeer, you rode in a sleigh.  You had an enormous stuffed belly that you grabbed like a bowl full of jelly. You put your finger on your nose and scooted up the chimney.  You waved to the audience and said your line perfectly.  The video will surely be a favorite of many Christmas's to come.

NBD.  Just making Xmas treats.

I was mildly nervous about this Christmas.  You asked for the Lego Death Star.  It was the only thing on your list that was consistent.  And it was the only thing that I was positive I was not getting you.  It is a $400 Lego set.  Made for 14 years and up.  Its epic.  Its unpractical.  I just couldn't justify it.  So I distracted.  Persuaded you to look for other sets that were just as awesome.  I was nervous that you were going to be disappointed.  We all get disappointed at Christmas at some point.  I just really didn't want it to be this Christmas; this early in your life.  Thankfully, my distraction techniques worked.  I still can't decide which choice was better, not getting the Death Star or replacing it with the Wii.  You are obsessed with your video games now and quite talented too.  My favorite pastime has become watching you jump around the den.  One day you were jumping, running, and gesturing so enthusastically that you tripped on your own legs and landed on your back.  I laughed.  I'm not proud that I laughed when you fell.  And of course I comforted you while my eyes were streaming with laughing tears.  BUT it was pretty hysterical.  You tripped on your own legs playing Wii.  Totally something I would do.

I got a pretty lucky break and got to house sit for a parishoner who happened to have an indoor pool/jacuzzi.  Perfect timing for breaking the winter blues.  I would get you from school and we would head there to feed the cats and swim.  It was glorious.  A mini-vacation sorely needed.  I kept wondering if we lived there would I appreciate it as much.  Or was it just because it was a novelity.  There is not much stress to be had when you are in the water, with a glass of wine (or ice tea for you), watching the snow fall on the glass above your head.  By the end of the few days you were pretty positive you wanted to move in.

Santa got fancy this year!

My most favorite part about this Christmas was how grateful you were for everything.  I gave you pajamas, like always, on Christmas eve.  And you professed that it was the best Christmas ever.  You went on and on how amazing your pajamas are.  On Christmas morning you actually watched us open our presents while waiting in between yours.  You TOOK TURNS opening presents.  What almost 5 year old does that?!?  You loved everything and if you got a duplicate you would comfort the gift giver.  "Its ok.  We can return it."  For a Christmas that I almost thought would be ruined, you absolutely amazed me once again.  I am so proud of you.

I love you everyday,
Momma Domma

New House - Phase One

Here's my Nana's nice little kitchen.  Its cute, but I thought it could use a little updating to make it more my style.  I had about 2 and a half months before my grandparents where coming home for Christmas.  But I figured that was plenty of time.  Not so much.  There was a lot of rushing around. Some spackling with head lamps when there was no power.  Lots of organizing contractors for stuff I couldn't do and some unforeseen issues.  Like the water line for the ice maker or the black mold we found in the bathroom or when the tile guy unplugged the gas stove and started a gas leak.  Yea.  That was fun. But I totally think it was worth it.

So this is the kitchen redo.  First to come down was the drop ceiling and all the fluorescent lighting underneath.  Then we took down the wall to open it up a bit.  Reconstructed a partial drop ceiling with dimmable high hats (in love).  New countertops, new tile backsplash, added another cabinet to extend the counter space on the other side of the fridge.  I was planning on putting up an island (and pendant lights) where the table is but I kinda like the ability to move the table around.  My pet project was painting the cabinets.  I played around with one of them and it came out so nice that I had to do them all.  Holy hell that was time consuming.  And changing out cabinet hardware was the most frustrating and annoying thing I have done so far.  But, again, I think they came out fantastic.  They don't even look like the same cabinets!

 

This was the day the wall came down.  It was a little impromtu, quick decision.  Wyatt was AMAZED!  He keeps on saying "Its not ours yet, but Momma is making it ours."  I think that is the cutest way to think of it. He really is very patient and makes me tons of drawings, "comics" he calls them, to put on our fridge.  I have a feeling there are going to be a lot of good things going on our fridge.  We have fallen into a routine: I work, Wyatt draws or watches TV or makes some kind of spaceship out of blue tape and levels, and then Gammy comes over with pizza on her way home from work.  Its getting there.

 

 

This is the downstairs bathroom.  Aka "Grandpa's Bathroom".  Once I took the wall down in the kitchen, we noticed that the bathroom was a little exposed and clearly needed some updating if it was going to be more noticed then it usually was.

 

Viola!  We took down the wallpaper then painted everying a crisp white (its actually the same white in the kitchen.)  I've picked out a blue, white and green that I am going to continue throughout the downstairs.  Mom and I put down a new lineolm floor.  I would have prefered tile but I think it still looks good and cost $30.  I am OBSESSED with my new vanity.  It is beautiful.  Mom found this gorgeous mirror from Dad's Nana's house so I refinished it to match.  Top it off with a blue ceiling, new light fixtures, and a new toliet.  I would have liked to do a lot more, but I love it and really love that it was in my budget.

 

The next phase is ripping up carpet, some new moulding, and lots of painting. I really would love to be all moved in by March but don't hold me to that.  We'll see how long it all takes us! 

 

And I have to give a huge shout out to all those who have helped out so far and so generously.  Too many to list, but know I love you guys.

Things I Learned in 2012

I learned how to remove a vanity and repaint cabinets.
Turning 30 is much easier in sunny weather with people who have known you forever.
Everyone's pain, pleasure, sorrow, despair, elation is relative.
I find fireplaces endlessly comforting.
Wyatt is becoming social being.  Its going to be a long few years.
I learned that sometimes it is worth spending a little more money to get exactly what you want.

Canceling a trip really sucks but knowing that you're part of a family that will never leave anyone behind is priceless.
Wyatt will always be able to make me laugh no matter what.
Lizzy continues to be the strongest woman I know.
Therapy is about bettering myself not about fixing something that is wrong.
Rich drunk or business drunk its ok to drive on Centre Island.
I learned that Wyatt is far more patient then I will ever be.

You don't know what you have till its gone.
Some people get stuck in my heart for way longer then they deserve to be there.
Disney will always get me giddy.
Nothing ever goes as planned in renovations.
I would rather be disappointed then lower my expectations.
I look forward to time away from Wyatt but I also look forward to coming home 10 minutes after I leave.

I love making places my own.
I can't wait to teach Wyatt about things that I love; skiing was the tip of the iceberg.
Natural disasters bring out the best and worst in people.
I am still a sucker for pick-up trucks; works every time.  Its embarrassing.
You can predict how you will react but you don't ever really know till you're there.
I learned to never let someone else make me feel bad about myself.

Cash still needs a lot of work but somehow he fits right in.
I am committed to not making the same mistakes over and over again.
Wyatt's stage acting debut was everything I ever hoped it to be.
My downfall has been getting an iPad and iPhone.  I am officially addicted.  How did I functional without them.
Dating with a child is hard.  Like really hard. Or maybe I just haven't found the right person yet.
I miss crazy nights in Long Beach with Jen.  Long Beach, I love you.

Saying "yes" to all options opens up endless doors.
I learned how to make a mean lasagna.
I am hoping that moving out will give us more space to let good things in.
All this responsibility gets overwhelming, every once and while I have to go out and be reckless.
If you say "Hey Wyatt, ring ring."  He will respond with "I just called to say I love you."  Its the best.
There are so many things in 2013 I am looking forward to already.  I am excited for the surprises that lay in store.

Jokes on Us

Merry Christmas To All!

58 Months

My Guy,

You have become quite a little social butterfly.  You have always been very social but you seem to have more invested lately.  Like you understand the reason we are social people, to make and create friendships.  After all our renovations stopped, Jen came over and I asked you if you wanted to come out to dinner with us.  You responded, "I'd love too!"  You like to tell stories and get upset when adults brush you off.  When I was writing out Christmas cards you asked why.  I told you we send cards to friends and family that we can't be with to show them that we are thinking of them.  You insisted that you send them out to all of your friends too.  You sat and filled out cards to every kid in your class.  Signed your name to every one.  The dedication!

Your school normally does a big Thanksgiving play but since you were out of school for weeks, they canceled it.  All the parents were very disappointed so they improvised a small one instead.  You sang songs about turkeys and feasting, dressed like pilgrims and indians.  It was all very cute.  But I doubted very much what you actually learned from it.  When I asked you about Columbus Day (when you were learning about that) you told me "He sailed to a new world. He met some Indians and took them home to clean."  When I pressed you for more information you said you couldn't remember. So I'm not really sure the real meaning of Thanksgiving got through this year.  But I guess you have to start somewhere.  I think next year we'll send out thank you notes for nothing maybe that will help.

Jen was going to the Museum of Natural History and I invited us along.  Funny enough, we only ended up meeting at a bar. Typical.  It was amazing having a date with you after spending so much time running around with house errands.  I had forgotten how much genuine fun I have with you when I am not worried about a million other things.  Our first trip to the museum was kind of a mess.  You actually thought we were blasting into space at the Planetarium and was very concerned that we would never be able to get home.  You were kind of distracted after that, understandably.  This time you were genuinely interested.  You were asking questions about the dinosaurs and had an agenda of which exhibits you wanted to see next.  You loved things (like the totem poles) that I never thought you would.  Best part was after we were exhausted and sick of walking, we met Jen and friend at a bar, dumped legos on the table and laughed for a few more hours. You really are the best date.

Pa playing with you in his Pa way.

I am really excited about our move but a little apprehensive too.  I know it is going to be a change, an adjustment for all of us, and I know what to expect from me but I'm not quite sure what to expect from you.  I'm worried that you are going to be lonely with just me.  When I cook dinner, you play with Gammy.  She is so patient with you, in a way that I just can't be.  That I just don't have.  I'm not saying  that I have a short fuse but she seems to have this endless patience that never needs a break.  And Pa plays with you every night before bed.  You have epic light saber battles and play heros in lego city.  The other night I asked you to pick out a snack and you responded with "Can you bring us some Oreos?  We're in the batcave.  We're under attack!"  He gets so involved with you and plays with you in a way that I am unable.  We all have our strong points and I don't want you to feel torn away from any of that.  I know that it is time for us to move out.  But the last 5 years have worked.  You are the amazing person you are because of this home that we have had for the past 5 years.  Because of all the love, devotion, and attention you receive.  Our new home has just as much potential but I will be sad to leave.  Good thing we can aways drive 10 mins and be back.

I love you everyday,
Momma

Best Buddies

57 Months

Goosy,

Yes, I'm late with your letter. Like really late. I am blaming that we were out of power for 7 days and out of school for 2 weeks.  Truth is, we have been crazy busy and you are a complete technology hog. As soon as I pick up my phone, you would like to play a game.  Or watch a TV show as soon as I get the remote.  If you have my phone and I have my iPad then you want to trade.  Its actually kind of amusing.  And I have been working so much that if I'm not making an effort to go out and see some friends, I'm sleeping.  Its one or the other.

Everyday when I pick you up from school you ask what is on our to-do-list. I rattle off a list of places and you usually accept your fate or add a few places of your own.  Or re-arrange the order in which we do them in. (Let's go to the deli first, then home, then the new house, then Home Depot and then maybe a toy store?)  A testament to our very busy lives. The other day when I rattled off 4 places, you just sighed.  Then 5 minutes into the drive you say, "I don't really feel like myself today."
"Yeah, Bud?  Who do you feel like?"
"I fee like you.  Just running and running.  Can't we just relax?"
I decided the best plan of action was to go play Legos. Everything else could wait.

Hurricane Sandy left us without power for 7 days and out of school for 2 weeks.  I am not complaining.  I know a lot of people that lost everything.  We had it easy. We played lots of CandyLand and R2D2 Operation.  We watched some movies on my iPad when it wasn't charging in the car.  We raked leaves and walked around the block.  One day we went to the new house, so I could spackle with a headlamp.  We spent time at the one library that actually had power, along with 1200 other people.  We read.  Played lots and lots of Legos.  It was refreshing to have a little of a break after running around like crazy for days.  But I always had the knowledge in the back of my head that the first second the lights turned on, all hell was going to break loose.  Laundry!  Dishes! Power Tools!  Internet!  The new house got power before we need.  I packed our laundry and got to work.  Back to the grind.

Halloween landed smack in the middle of the week.  You have wanted to be R2-D2 for ages.  Even wanted me to be C3P0.  (Gold sweatsuits are NON-EXISTANT.  I was totally game.)  We have done Star Wars halloween for 2 years already.  I had bought a white pop-up laundry basket for your body then didn't really do much more.  Without a sewing machine, Gammy had to do her best with duct tape.  I was definitely slacking this year.  We got together with cousin William and did the rounds with some other neighborhood kids.  It was only like 2pm, but without lights, I was nervous it would be a little scary if we went later.  Every house that was game; that didn't wait till the Halloween reschedule, that had time to shop for candy before the gas shortage, that thought to buy something 4 days after the power went out; there were people on there front stoops or porches.  Their doors were open and the streets were filled with kids and adults alike.  There was nothing else to do, might as well trick-or-treat.

You have been getting a little jealous about the house and how much time I have been putting into it.  The other day I was telling you about how you are always my number one.  That you are always on the top of my list.  You scrunched up your fists and lowered you voice saying, "Except for the day you had to look for tile!"  And your right.  Of course I didn't tell you that.  It is a hard lesson to learn.  Especially for you that has had my full attention for years.  It has been your first true experience with sharing my attention for any length of time.  Its hard.  Its hard for me too.  It might seem hard to understand that I need to work when you want to play.  Or I need to spend money on the house when you want to spend it on toys. But please understand, if not now then later, that everything I do is for you.  Is for us.  Is to give us the best possible life imaginable.  You are my whole world.

I love you everyday,
Momma

Sandy, That Bitch.

Here are some pictures during and after Hurricane Sandy.  This is part of our local playground.  This was before the hurricane even hit.  High tide around noon when she was making landfall later in the evening.

At around 11pm, Dad and I walked down the end of our block.  It was supposed to be the worst part of the storm.  The sound the trees made were unreal.  You expect for trees to come uprooted by storms.  But there were huge trees that just snapped. Our flashlights caught a glare where the road should have been and I couldn't understand what I was seeing. "Dad, I think thats a boat?" It took him a while to believe me because we couldn't get very close.  The next morning we walked down. Yes, it was a boat.  A boat appropriately called Tip-Sea.

I can't complain about our lack of power.  We had a lot of candles.  We made due with Candyland, lanterns and candles.  I drank lots of wine and cooked all the food in the freezer on our gas stove that was remarkably still working.  It was actually kind of nice.

This is one of the main road into our town that got partially washed away. They are trying to open it back up in July.  Until then its the long way out of town.

One of the most shocking pictures I've seen.  (Taken by a friend).  This is Long Beach.  Wyatt and I have walked down this street hundreds of times.  It is going to take a while but it will be back and stronger then ever.

Beep Boop

That's his robot face!

Wyatt asked to be R2-D2 for Halloween.  Gammy made most of his costume because I have been pre-occupied with the house renovations.  Then we lost power for a few days so finishing touches left him a very home-made.  Wyatt LOVED it.  Like thought it was the best costume ever.  Best part was instead of "Thank you" he would tell everyone "May the force be with you."  More on trick-or-treating sans electricity coming soon...

Dork x 2

Silly, Goat!