Gammy's Ode

We spent the first night in our new home on April 10th.  (More on that later...)  I received this letter as an email from Gammy shortly after. I think it stands to reason that Wyatt made just as much of an impression on her, as she did on him.  Thankfully, we didn't move very far.

To Future Wyatt,

When you look back on your youth, you might not even remember that you lived with me and Pa for your first five years. I could tell you about all the lessons and values I attempted to instill in you along with your momma but instead let me tell you some of the lessons you taught me.

 1.  Love +++ There is no limit to love. You proved that to us all, at times we were busting with it and just when we thought 'That's it I can’t possibly love this child anymore' you would come out with yet another antic that would stretch the boundary a little further.

2. Anger +++ It’s impossible to be angry, sad, or mad when you have someone snuggled up in your lap.

3.  Family +++  At dinnertime you would look around the table and remember who was missing and were happiest when all the chairs were filled. Family means everything!

4. Creativity  +++ Legos are amazing. You taught me everything I know and helped me to become as obsessed as you are. We spent many happy and creative hours building, rebuilding and then modifying. 

5. Bravery +++ You taught me not to be afraid of General Grievous from Star Wars (I have to admit I am still a little intimidated trying to fight him with a light saber on the Wii.) You encourage me to try my best and it warms my heart when you say to me “Try to be brave Gammy!” I will try Wyatt and I feel I will always be bravest when you are with me.

6. Books +++  No matter if its past your bedtime,  there is always time to read a book. And when the light goes out we can still tell stories. Remember the one where your birthday party was in a spaceship and your presents were floating around because of the anti-gravity and you had to put on your gravity boots and jump around to catch your presents. Unforgettable moments that I was lucky enough to share with you.

I could go on but I think you know now how much these five years have meant to me. Thank you Kate and Wyatt for letting me share so closely in this amazing journey. I know this is not an ending just a new chapter and we will have many more happy moments ahead. You two have been a great joy and blessing to me and continue to be everyday. I love and adore you both.

With heartfelt love from your Gammy of the past.

Sista's

62 Months

Big Guy,

I have to admit, I have been a little absent this month.  Not really absent, I spend everyday with you.  But absent more then I usually am.  I have been plunking you in front of your wii so I could paint the house.  Or spending my Sunday after work at the house, while you played with Gammy and Pa.  Plus I have been going out a lot, knowing that once the move happens my social life is going to get more complicated.  Also understanding that you will need me more when it is just the two of us.  Its been stressful.  I've felt guiltily about leaving you so much in Gammy's capable hands whether its to do work on our home or its it grab a beer to decompress from working on our home.  But I really think it is going to be worth it in the end.

Birds of a feather...

We had an open offer to join my friend, Thomas, at his house in Vermont to go skiing.  We finally took advantage of it.  We left at 9pm planning on driving through the night with you sleeping.  Of course, we decided to go in a mild snowstorm.  Awesome for skiing. Not so much for the roads.  By 2am, into back roads VT, Jen and I were white knuckled as our car was skidding out all over the place.  Eventually, about 10 miles from his house, our car decided it wasn't going to make it anymore.  Lacking 4 wheel drive we got stuck on a hill.  I offered to leave it, jump in Thomas's Jeep and illegally make the rest of the drive with you on my lap.  Thomas and Seth decided to tie a rope from his car to mine, in a snowstorm, at 3 in the morning, and tow/drive the rest of the way.  As soon as this was going on, you woke up and demanded to know "What is going on?  Is this a dream?" And you stayed at rapt attention until I got you out of the car and into the house still not entirely convinced it was real life. 

I signed you up for ski school so you could learn with professionals and I could get some slope time in as well.  You were really excited and marched right off without a second glance behind you.  I think Jen was more nervous then either of us.  It was the most perfect day for learning, with all the snow the night before it was beautiful powder, sunny, and warm for skiing.  I was surprised at how good I was after not being on skis for 7 years.  But I was even more impressed with you on skis.  I went to pick you up early from ski school and watched you for a while.  You had made friends.  You got on the magic carpet like you had been doing it for years.  You went down the little training slope by yourself.  I was so proud of you for jumping right in.

Thomas, Seth, Jen and I waited for you to finish your lesson and asked if you would like to try a chair lift.  Thomas used to be a ski instructor on Mt. Snow for years so even though I was a little hesitant, you seemed confident and with Thomas' help at least we would get down!  You loved the lift but were a little intimidated by the bunny hill.  Thomas ended up skiing backwards in front of you, I stayed by your side, while Seth and Jen shouted encouragements and took pictures.  We made it down.  It took a long time but we did it.  And then we all called it a day and went to the bar!

The next day I took you by myself.  We missed the opening for the lesson because of a lazy morning.  The only thing they had left was a snowboarding lesson, which I thought was awesome but you didn't want to.  I didn't want to push it because you did so well the day before.  So, we hit the bunny slope.  You were definitely more tentative with just me.  You wanted to hold my hand the entire time but I knew you didn't need too. We had a blast anyway.  You were one of the best skiing partners I could have had.  It really was an amazing trip.  I can't wait take advantage of Thomas' house next season a lot more.

At bedtime, we have reinstated talking about our highs and lows.  You have also added "left and right" which are the funniest part of our day and the overall feeling of the day.  I think it is a testament to what kind of kid you are that every night you start off with your high being "right now and the whole day."  Then I make you think about it and give me a real answer.  I can't even remember the last time that you had a low.  You always have several funny parts.  Including lots of things that I don't remember like "when you said "monsteroni and peas instead of macaroni and cheese.  That was funny."  Your feelings are always happy or excited or content.  Clearly, I am instilling my sense of perpetual optimism from a very young age.

I love you everyday, 

Momma

Snow Bunnies

61 Months

Bud,

Unfortunately, there was a blizzard on your birthday which was also the day that I had booked the Children's Museum for your party.  We did a get a decent 12"+  so it was a legit storm.  I ended up canceling it (ohhh the horror) and rescheduling for a few weeks later.  I tried to make your day extra special.  Baked you a cake of your choice.  I put balloons hanging in your doorway so you would have to walk through balloons when you woke up.  We sang 'Happy Birthday' with candles in your pancakes.  We ended up having a nice day; playing in the snow, drinking hot chocolate, and had a lovely family dinner at one of your favorite restaurants.  We spent a lot of the day constructing your brand spanking new Lego Death Star.  Yes!! You got it!! Finally!  I caved.  Well, kind of.  Gammy rallied to your cause and called all of our closest relatives.  Who, of course, started sending checks.  Your family is pretty incredible, my love.  I gave you your options.  You could get lots of presents, one from each person.  Or you could just get one big one.

So, you got your Death Star.  Neither of us were disappointed.  Its pretty impressive.  It took us 4 days to get it together.  And the next day you dropped it on the floor and burst out crying!  It was sad and endearing and kind of breath taking.  It was one of those slow-motion falls with a massive crash.  All the air got sucked out of the room and we held our breath to gage your reaction.  You thought I would be upset because how long it took us.  I had to convince you that was what Legos were for.  You build them, take them apart, and build something new.  We fixed it.  But now all you want to do is modify everything.  You had a playdate with your friend Charlie and tore every Lego set apart.  I begged you to leave the Death Star and Millennium Falcon alone.  But nothing else was saved.  It was hard for me to watch, but you guys had the best time.  This time you were comforting me.  "Mom, we can rebuild everything!  I want to build without the books."  So, this time we start again. Most likely in our new house.  Without instructions.  Just your imagination.

Waiting for your friends

Your party was pretty great.  It was a superhero party.  They hid pictures of different villains throughout the exhibits. You made masks and ran around searching for the bad guys.  You had a blast.  You were so excited.  From the very minute you woke up.  I wish I could give you a party everyday just to see your face.  Your hands always go a mile a minute when you are excited.  You rub your hands together, twist them around, clap them together.  I don't think they stopped moving the entire day.  Totally made up for you being snowed out on your real birthday.

We spent much of this month being sick.  The stomach flu made its way through the entire family.  Except for you.  I was convinced that you were going to get sick just at the wrong moment.  Like right before your birthday party.  Or when I had to go to Miami for work and you were going to be home with Gammy for 24 hours.  Clearly, that would be an amazing time for you to get sick.  I got sick on a night out, puked all over the city.  With each of us that got it, it was the worst timing possible and then you get tied to a toilet for days.  So, I kept waiting.  And every time you coughed I rushed to get you a garbage can.  Nothing.  You must be the healthiest kid on the planet.  It was terrible being laid up but I did enjoy spending days home laying on the couch with you.  Dare I say, you didn't mind it much either.

I love you everyday,
Momma

May The Birthday Be With You

60 Months - 5 Years

Bud, 

Last night, you told me "Mom, when you wake up and I am 5, you are going to go crazy!"  You are officially 5 and I am officially going crazy. I am having a hard time this year putting words to what I am feeling. You feel 5 to me.  I am not astonished just excited.  These last 5 years have been the best of my life. Today is a celebration! You simply amaze me. Everyday. With your wit and sarcasm. With your sense of humor and lust for information. With your fearlessness and adventurous attitude. With your sheer ability to love. You are the most affectionate and sweet five-year-old I know. You care about people. You’re empathetic and compassionate. I am just so incredibly proud of you. I am so proud to be your mom.

You have been fairly attached to me lately in a way that is a little unusual.  You want to, not only, sit next to me but on my lap or with our chairs touching.  You teared up when asking if it was okay to still come in my bedroom if you got scared when you get older.  You want to hold my hand and ask when I will be home.  I am not sure if it is because of our impending move or if it is just a phase.  Maybe it's just because you spend most of your waking hours with me.  I take you with me everywhere.  We map out our day together every morning.  You, matter of factly, told me that you are my best friend. “And Jen too” you amended.  I am equally as attached to you.  I genuinely enjoy spending my time with you.  I look forward to seeing you when I've been away. We make each other belly laugh till tears run down our cheeks.  I find it amazing that I asked you to help me pick out shoes in DSW and you found the exact ones that I would have picked myself.  We make a pretty remarkable team.

You had kindergarten registration the other day. I didn’t cry when I received the notice in the mail just stared at it in disbelief for a little while.  I am so excited for you.  For this next monumental step in your life.  For being able to watch you grow and mature into the boy you are becoming.  I sat down to fill out the volumes of paperwork and off you went. I sensed a little of your hesitation but you pushed through. I know you wanted to explore your new school with me but I think you understood that it was a new place just for you.  The 5 years old, I can comprehend.  Its the kindergarten that I can't.  Adding to the surrealism was filling out all the paperwork with our new address and new phone number.  This is all really happening.  And it is all moving faster then I ever imagined.   

I find myself searching your face, surprised when I still see expressions that you made when you were a baby. Watching your lips when you talk, taking in the way they move. Or how your eyes go big when you speak of the latest Star Wars guy you are obsessed with. You are still in there; that same angelic baby I fell in love with five years ago. But somehow it has turned into so much more. You have grown into so much more. We sat down to watch some old home movies last night, a mini celebration of the 5 years of you.  We laughed watching you toddle across the screen, listened to you tell stories in your broken baby English, commented on how you excitedly have been rubbing your hands together for years.  Gammy reflected while I was switching tapes, "Take him in now because in 5 more years you are going to be nostalgic for the things that are happening now."  She is right.

I didn’t think it was possible to love you any more then I did five years ago but it just keeps growing and growing. This expanse of love that I had no idea I was capable of. I keep waiting for it to reach its ceiling but it never does.

My big, grown up, cuddly boy, I love you everyday and I always will. 
Happy Birthday.
Momma

Our Santa

59 Months

Monkey,

This Christmas we got a special surprise.  You got chosen to play Santa in the Night Before Christmas play at school.  You were the only kid with a line, "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night".  I'm still not sure how they chose you.  Your charm.  Innocent good looks.  Ability to yell over other kids.  Sheer nepotism cause Momma works there and everybody loves you.  I am going to bet on all of the above.  I got you to practice at home by asking you to say your line instead of saying please. To say that everyone was excited about your debut is an understatement.  We brought an entourage of people.  Auntie B and Pa took off from work.  Aunt Lizzy and Nana wouldn't dare miss it.  And of course Gammy and me.  You were amazing.  The confidence!  The direction!  The biggest smile ever!  With your classmates as reindeer, you rode in a sleigh.  You had an enormous stuffed belly that you grabbed like a bowl full of jelly. You put your finger on your nose and scooted up the chimney.  You waved to the audience and said your line perfectly.  The video will surely be a favorite of many Christmas's to come.

NBD.  Just making Xmas treats.

I was mildly nervous about this Christmas.  You asked for the Lego Death Star.  It was the only thing on your list that was consistent.  And it was the only thing that I was positive I was not getting you.  It is a $400 Lego set.  Made for 14 years and up.  Its epic.  Its unpractical.  I just couldn't justify it.  So I distracted.  Persuaded you to look for other sets that were just as awesome.  I was nervous that you were going to be disappointed.  We all get disappointed at Christmas at some point.  I just really didn't want it to be this Christmas; this early in your life.  Thankfully, my distraction techniques worked.  I still can't decide which choice was better, not getting the Death Star or replacing it with the Wii.  You are obsessed with your video games now and quite talented too.  My favorite pastime has become watching you jump around the den.  One day you were jumping, running, and gesturing so enthusastically that you tripped on your own legs and landed on your back.  I laughed.  I'm not proud that I laughed when you fell.  And of course I comforted you while my eyes were streaming with laughing tears.  BUT it was pretty hysterical.  You tripped on your own legs playing Wii.  Totally something I would do.

I got a pretty lucky break and got to house sit for a parishoner who happened to have an indoor pool/jacuzzi.  Perfect timing for breaking the winter blues.  I would get you from school and we would head there to feed the cats and swim.  It was glorious.  A mini-vacation sorely needed.  I kept wondering if we lived there would I appreciate it as much.  Or was it just because it was a novelity.  There is not much stress to be had when you are in the water, with a glass of wine (or ice tea for you), watching the snow fall on the glass above your head.  By the end of the few days you were pretty positive you wanted to move in.

Santa got fancy this year!

My most favorite part about this Christmas was how grateful you were for everything.  I gave you pajamas, like always, on Christmas eve.  And you professed that it was the best Christmas ever.  You went on and on how amazing your pajamas are.  On Christmas morning you actually watched us open our presents while waiting in between yours.  You TOOK TURNS opening presents.  What almost 5 year old does that?!?  You loved everything and if you got a duplicate you would comfort the gift giver.  "Its ok.  We can return it."  For a Christmas that I almost thought would be ruined, you absolutely amazed me once again.  I am so proud of you.

I love you everyday,
Momma Domma

New House - Phase One

Here's my Nana's nice little kitchen.  Its cute, but I thought it could use a little updating to make it more my style.  I had about 2 and a half months before my grandparents where coming home for Christmas.  But I figured that was plenty of time.  Not so much.  There was a lot of rushing around. Some spackling with head lamps when there was no power.  Lots of organizing contractors for stuff I couldn't do and some unforeseen issues.  Like the water line for the ice maker or the black mold we found in the bathroom or when the tile guy unplugged the gas stove and started a gas leak.  Yea.  That was fun. But I totally think it was worth it.

So this is the kitchen redo.  First to come down was the drop ceiling and all the fluorescent lighting underneath.  Then we took down the wall to open it up a bit.  Reconstructed a partial drop ceiling with dimmable high hats (in love).  New countertops, new tile backsplash, added another cabinet to extend the counter space on the other side of the fridge.  I was planning on putting up an island (and pendant lights) where the table is but I kinda like the ability to move the table around.  My pet project was painting the cabinets.  I played around with one of them and it came out so nice that I had to do them all.  Holy hell that was time consuming.  And changing out cabinet hardware was the most frustrating and annoying thing I have done so far.  But, again, I think they came out fantastic.  They don't even look like the same cabinets!

 

This was the day the wall came down.  It was a little impromtu, quick decision.  Wyatt was AMAZED!  He keeps on saying "Its not ours yet, but Momma is making it ours."  I think that is the cutest way to think of it. He really is very patient and makes me tons of drawings, "comics" he calls them, to put on our fridge.  I have a feeling there are going to be a lot of good things going on our fridge.  We have fallen into a routine: I work, Wyatt draws or watches TV or makes some kind of spaceship out of blue tape and levels, and then Gammy comes over with pizza on her way home from work.  Its getting there.

 

 

This is the downstairs bathroom.  Aka "Grandpa's Bathroom".  Once I took the wall down in the kitchen, we noticed that the bathroom was a little exposed and clearly needed some updating if it was going to be more noticed then it usually was.

 

Viola!  We took down the wallpaper then painted everying a crisp white (its actually the same white in the kitchen.)  I've picked out a blue, white and green that I am going to continue throughout the downstairs.  Mom and I put down a new lineolm floor.  I would have prefered tile but I think it still looks good and cost $30.  I am OBSESSED with my new vanity.  It is beautiful.  Mom found this gorgeous mirror from Dad's Nana's house so I refinished it to match.  Top it off with a blue ceiling, new light fixtures, and a new toliet.  I would have liked to do a lot more, but I love it and really love that it was in my budget.

 

The next phase is ripping up carpet, some new moulding, and lots of painting. I really would love to be all moved in by March but don't hold me to that.  We'll see how long it all takes us! 

 

And I have to give a huge shout out to all those who have helped out so far and so generously.  Too many to list, but know I love you guys.

Things I Learned in 2012

I learned how to remove a vanity and repaint cabinets.
Turning 30 is much easier in sunny weather with people who have known you forever.
Everyone's pain, pleasure, sorrow, despair, elation is relative.
I find fireplaces endlessly comforting.
Wyatt is becoming social being.  Its going to be a long few years.
I learned that sometimes it is worth spending a little more money to get exactly what you want.

Canceling a trip really sucks but knowing that you're part of a family that will never leave anyone behind is priceless.
Wyatt will always be able to make me laugh no matter what.
Lizzy continues to be the strongest woman I know.
Therapy is about bettering myself not about fixing something that is wrong.
Rich drunk or business drunk its ok to drive on Centre Island.
I learned that Wyatt is far more patient then I will ever be.

You don't know what you have till its gone.
Some people get stuck in my heart for way longer then they deserve to be there.
Disney will always get me giddy.
Nothing ever goes as planned in renovations.
I would rather be disappointed then lower my expectations.
I look forward to time away from Wyatt but I also look forward to coming home 10 minutes after I leave.

I love making places my own.
I can't wait to teach Wyatt about things that I love; skiing was the tip of the iceberg.
Natural disasters bring out the best and worst in people.
I am still a sucker for pick-up trucks; works every time.  Its embarrassing.
You can predict how you will react but you don't ever really know till you're there.
I learned to never let someone else make me feel bad about myself.

Cash still needs a lot of work but somehow he fits right in.
I am committed to not making the same mistakes over and over again.
Wyatt's stage acting debut was everything I ever hoped it to be.
My downfall has been getting an iPad and iPhone.  I am officially addicted.  How did I functional without them.
Dating with a child is hard.  Like really hard. Or maybe I just haven't found the right person yet.
I miss crazy nights in Long Beach with Jen.  Long Beach, I love you.

Saying "yes" to all options opens up endless doors.
I learned how to make a mean lasagna.
I am hoping that moving out will give us more space to let good things in.
All this responsibility gets overwhelming, every once and while I have to go out and be reckless.
If you say "Hey Wyatt, ring ring."  He will respond with "I just called to say I love you."  Its the best.
There are so many things in 2013 I am looking forward to already.  I am excited for the surprises that lay in store.

Jokes on Us

Merry Christmas To All!

58 Months

My Guy,

You have become quite a little social butterfly.  You have always been very social but you seem to have more invested lately.  Like you understand the reason we are social people, to make and create friendships.  After all our renovations stopped, Jen came over and I asked you if you wanted to come out to dinner with us.  You responded, "I'd love too!"  You like to tell stories and get upset when adults brush you off.  When I was writing out Christmas cards you asked why.  I told you we send cards to friends and family that we can't be with to show them that we are thinking of them.  You insisted that you send them out to all of your friends too.  You sat and filled out cards to every kid in your class.  Signed your name to every one.  The dedication!

Your school normally does a big Thanksgiving play but since you were out of school for weeks, they canceled it.  All the parents were very disappointed so they improvised a small one instead.  You sang songs about turkeys and feasting, dressed like pilgrims and indians.  It was all very cute.  But I doubted very much what you actually learned from it.  When I asked you about Columbus Day (when you were learning about that) you told me "He sailed to a new world. He met some Indians and took them home to clean."  When I pressed you for more information you said you couldn't remember. So I'm not really sure the real meaning of Thanksgiving got through this year.  But I guess you have to start somewhere.  I think next year we'll send out thank you notes for nothing maybe that will help.

Jen was going to the Museum of Natural History and I invited us along.  Funny enough, we only ended up meeting at a bar. Typical.  It was amazing having a date with you after spending so much time running around with house errands.  I had forgotten how much genuine fun I have with you when I am not worried about a million other things.  Our first trip to the museum was kind of a mess.  You actually thought we were blasting into space at the Planetarium and was very concerned that we would never be able to get home.  You were kind of distracted after that, understandably.  This time you were genuinely interested.  You were asking questions about the dinosaurs and had an agenda of which exhibits you wanted to see next.  You loved things (like the totem poles) that I never thought you would.  Best part was after we were exhausted and sick of walking, we met Jen and friend at a bar, dumped legos on the table and laughed for a few more hours. You really are the best date.

Pa playing with you in his Pa way.

I am really excited about our move but a little apprehensive too.  I know it is going to be a change, an adjustment for all of us, and I know what to expect from me but I'm not quite sure what to expect from you.  I'm worried that you are going to be lonely with just me.  When I cook dinner, you play with Gammy.  She is so patient with you, in a way that I just can't be.  That I just don't have.  I'm not saying  that I have a short fuse but she seems to have this endless patience that never needs a break.  And Pa plays with you every night before bed.  You have epic light saber battles and play heros in lego city.  The other night I asked you to pick out a snack and you responded with "Can you bring us some Oreos?  We're in the batcave.  We're under attack!"  He gets so involved with you and plays with you in a way that I am unable.  We all have our strong points and I don't want you to feel torn away from any of that.  I know that it is time for us to move out.  But the last 5 years have worked.  You are the amazing person you are because of this home that we have had for the past 5 years.  Because of all the love, devotion, and attention you receive.  Our new home has just as much potential but I will be sad to leave.  Good thing we can aways drive 10 mins and be back.

I love you everyday,
Momma

Best Buddies