50 Months

Bud,

Bri and Elias had their baby on March 31st and I got to hold little Michael at the hospital.  It was weird, how after 4 years, some things remain lodged in my head and how others just evaporated.  Like how instantly your newborn smell came rushing back.  Or the way you used to snuggle your head into me and the way you liked to be held.  But yet when Bri asked me normal questions, like when did I give you a bottle, I was at a total loss.  I find myself wondering how we got from baby to 4 a lot.  Where did all that time go?  Sometimes as a parent (as you will hopefully one day see) there seems to be a lot of "hurry up and wait."  I find that there are so many chores and things to do that the day is over before I feel it even started.  And conversely there are times when there seems to be large expanses of time that I need to fill.  Wasn't it yesterday that I brought you home from the hospital?  But haven't you been in my life forever?  How are you 4?  And it seems like ages ago you were a baby?  We are going everyday.  Every moment is filled something but how come I feel that we are in the same place we were 4 years ago?  Its weird.

Because you are such a big boy now you started soccer.  First practice went less then fabulous.  We were late (my fault) and rushing always puts you a little on edge.  All the other kids were on the field, and right off the Irish coach thought your name was Ryan.  So he keeps calling you Ryan and you keep on correcting him.  Finally, this got you upset and you ran to me crying "Mom, he's not understanding my name!  Please, tell him my name!"  After that was cleared up, you missed the rest of the directions and then felt lost.  "Mom, I'm no good at this."  Then went off to play with your friend Charlie.  I shrugged and decided you needed some time to get used to it.  I will forever be traumatized when my soccer coach yelled at me for kicking the ball with my toe when I was 5.  I vowed that that would not happen to you.

Well, we worked at home.  Talked it up.  Kicked the ball around a bit.  And on game day, you were brilliant.  I am not quite sure you will be the next David Beckham but you definitely have great enthusiasm.  You listened to the coach, hell, I think you gave him some directions.  You played great with the other kids, taking turns seamlessly.  You ran up and down that field with all your might.  You liked to play goalie but unfortunately there are no goalies in your age bracket.  Every time some one would yell "Towards the goal" you would go regardless of where the ball was.  I am so proud that you tried your very best.  It was a really great day.  And those damn cleats are the cutest thing I have ever seen.  I think I took about 100 pictures just of those cleats.

I had quite a scare with you the other day.  We were down at the beach with the dogs and Gianna.  You and Gianna were standing on a rock taking our normal stroll (down the steps, around the beach, up the hill, into the backyard, the whole thing takes 5 minutes tops but we usually dawdle) when Cash came face to face with a neighbors dog.  They starting going at it.  Literally, bitting each others coats, growling, snarling, and yelping.  I got them separated, but afraid it might happen again or worse that one of you would be caught in the middle, I told you to turn around and come back the other way.  I was pre-occuped with the dogs, heard some rustling behind me, to which I assumed was you and Gianna.  When I looked back, Gianna was standing next to me and you were gone.  I called and there was no answer.  I freaked.  I sent Gianna in one direction, me in the other and I am scanning the water telling myself that I never heard a splash.  Honestly, it was about 3 minutes when you finally answered one of my increasingly shrill calls.  You had gone up the hill and then repeated the loop to the top of the stairs.  It was a classic parent moment where I didn't know if I wanted to scream at you or hug you.  I did hug you.  But I also put you in time out.  You wanted to go up the hill.  You didn't answer my calls because your "listening ears weren't working because there were too many bumble bee's buzzing."  Then you tried to get out of your time out by singing me a song. "Know why?" you ask.  (Which is your phrase.  It comes after everything you say.) "Because you think my singing voice is so beautiful and it will make you happy."  So, I made you sing me a song, while in time out.  It is hard to punish a kid that you are just so gosh darn happy to see.

Wyatt, I love you.  Every minute, I love you.  But if you ever pull a stunt like that again, I am going to send every single one of your toys to Africa.  "Know why?"  Because in that 3 minutes you scared the everliving shit out of me.  It was like watching the entire world explode before my eyes.  Got it?

I love you, everyday.
Momma