31 Months

Bud,

You are starting school tomorrow.  I know you are going to do fabulous but I just can't seem to get over the fact that you are going to school.  MY BABY.  TO SCHOOL.  FOR REALS.  Welcome to the next 16 years of your life.  When you woke up from your nap today your hand reached for mine and held my index finger.  It reminded me so much of when you were a little baby and held onto my hand in that same way.  But surely this big hand and smiling little boy can't be my baby.  This boy who tells stories, can count to 10, reads me books, plays in the dirt, knows colors and shapes, and wants to do everything by himself.  It doesn't seem possible.  You are my little boy.  It seems to have all gone so fast.  And as much as I am sad for myself, I am so excited for you.  I just know you are going to have the time of your life and I can't wait to hear every detail.  I know you are ready for your first real adventure without me.  But I am certainly not.  And I am definitely going to be that parent sneaking around in the woods and spying through the windows.

Daddy and I took you upstate to his families house in Callicoon with Grandma and Grandpa.  We had such a blast.  The house with all the recent upgrades from Grandpa was gorgeous, the weather outstanding, and the rays of sun through the trees were breath taking.  (I was kicking myself all weekend for forgetting my camera.)  You loved every minute running wild with Pup and Dad and breaking in the new swing that Grandpa built.  You had your first tractor ride, which was really a ride-on lawn mower, but you seemed pretty content with that.  You liked it better when it was off because then you could jump around in the seat and play "peetend" instead of sitting patiently and driving.  We trekked to the farm down the road to see the horses, goats, and real live tractors, which you were a little hesitant by the sheer size of them.  But in about 5 minutes, you were begging Dad to put you in the seat.  The farmer gave me zucchini's the size of my thigh and called you the "sidewalk cowboy".  A nickname that I find quite fitting.  I called in sick to work just so we could enjoy a few more hours in the fresh country air.  It was totally worth it.

Brianne's little sister, Gracie, at 10 years old has started her own business; Gracie's Cupcakery and Wyatt is IN LOVE.  Seriously.  Gracie sets up a stand at the Farmers Market every Saturday and sells them for $2.  She makes flowers out of marshmallows, fish out of circus peanuts, and aliens out of lollipops.  And she makes this chocolate heath bar cupcake pop that is to DIE for.  She has home made business cards that say "We'll bake you happy."  You were hooked the first Saturday we went.  Its funny now because almost every Saturday you ask to go find "Gracie's cupcakes."  I don't even know how you knows its Saturday!  Last Saturday, I knew Gracie wasn't going to be out.  So when you asked I told you Gracie's was closed.  Major freak out.  You demanded it was open and pretty much dragged me to the car.  We drove all around the Ville until you were satisfied.  Once I told Bri the story, she hand delivered some for you.  And when we went this Saturday, you walked right up to the cooler of cupcakes and helped yourself to about 8 then sat in your wagon surround by your cupcakes.  Truly, its love.

I feel like I say the same thing in every letter.  That you are getting so big and I have no idea how you have grown up so fast.  And its true, I can't help but be shocked every month.  But, in general, I don't see your progress everyday.  Its not until I sit and reflect on the month that I am shocked.  I have taken to cuddling you more, kissing you every chance I can get, helping you as much as you will let me.  Because I don't know how long it is going to last.  I have this sickening feeling that one morning I am going to wake up and you are going to be 6 and not want to give me hugs or hold my hand.  And I am going to be upset that I didn't take advantage of the innocent time when I could.  Maybe its just because your going to school.  I don't know.  But whatever it is I try to let you know everyday that you amaze me.  That I am so proud of you.  That I adore you.  And when I say "I love you" you say "I love you too."

I love you everyday.
MomMom (thats your new name for me and I kind of love it.)