Huck Finn

This is perhaps my favorite picture at the moment.  I think it is the combination of his bare tip toed feet and that you can feel his adventure.  Absolutely gorgeous!

The Future of My Ears

This was Wyatt's idea of a good time last night.  Do I foresee drumming in his future?  Also, he is wearing his new blazer that I just bought him for Lizzy's high school graduation.  I had to try it on as soon as I got it out of the box.  He is officially the cutest baby on the planet...

Swing on a Star

Nancy Drew I'm Not

It being my second mother's day with a son that still can't talk, I wasn't expecting much.  So when a box from 1800 Flowers arrived on my doorstep on Thursday I got quite excited.  Thats an understatement.  I was smiling the entire way home like a jackal.  I assumed they were from my friend Bree who works there.   Everyone who knows me uses our family florist unless they are getting a discount somewhere else like Bree would.  When I open the box the card reads: "Happy Mother's Day.  Take time to relax.  You deserve it!"  No signature.   And like most things I start to over think.

What if there not from Bree?  Could I have a secret admirer?  Would Terry actually send me flowers?  I highly doubt that.  Could they be from Bree's friend Ryan that I have been seeing a lot lately?  Would he really be that forward since he doesn't have my address?  That would take a lot of effort for a guy.  They really had to be from Bree.  So, I call her and of course, because its a flower emergency, she doesn't pick up.  I try to be patient and put it out of my mind.  We all know that patience is not my strong suit.  About 30 minutes later, I can't stand the suspense any longer and call Terry.  I am pretty positive that it wasn't him but figure that I would call him first and then cross him off my list of suspects.  Turns out I was right.  Terry roars into a cackling laugh and responds with "Why would I send you flowers?!  If I was going to get you anything it would be Carvel.  We all know thats your favorite."  Right, moving on.

Back to Bree.  If she would just pick up her damn phone.  But what if they are from Ryan through Bree.  Obviously because I want them to be from Ryan it seems like an entirely acceptable explanation.  I wait for another hour.  Then in a moment of stupidity, impatience, and a false sense of confidence I decide I'm calling Ryan.  Yeah, not from him either and now I feel like a COMPLETE moron.  He goes "I should have sent you flowers."  No, he shouldn't have and he didn't and now I have made him feel guilty for NOT sending me flowers.  Why does this only seem to happen in my world.  Secret admirer is still an option (although I am starting to doubt that since my first two choices blew up in my face) and I now have no choice but to wait for Bree to find her phone.  After another hour, I become impatient again and call 1800 Flowers but they can't tell me unless the sender gives permission.  Great.

Turns out my infamous bunch of tulips are from Bree and I find this out officially at 9PM (!!!) when she finally calls me back.  I feel like an idiot for about 12 reasons.  Firstly, what kind of person calls every guy in her phone to find out that a girl sent her flowers?  Thats a classic I only believe what I want to believe quandary.  Secondly, I receive a gorgeous vase arrangement from Mom's Florist on Saturday.  This time they where from Ryan.  I guilted this boy into sending me mother's day flowers.  He swears he was going to do it anyway but I cry bullshit to that.  He called around to find out which florist was my families then assumed that they would have my address.  Very cute but I still feel like a royal idiot for literally FORCING him to buy me flowers.  Thirdly, by including Terry in on my flower hunt I have given him another reason to laugh at me.  As if he needs another reason.  I will end with: Fourthly, I guilted Terry into getting me a rather lovely, unexpected, and thoughtful gift mother's day as well.  He also got me and my entire family Carvel on Thursday night.  On the whole, despite my shortcomings as the next Nancy Drew, it was a very good Mother's day.  Flowers and ice cream, what more to life is there?!

Scratch that Itch, Scratch it.

Traditionally after about living in a place for about a year, I start looking for greener pastures. I don't know why but it has been like clockwork for me starting around 2000. First it was from LI to NJ, then to NYC, then to England, then back to NYC, then to Astoria, then to SC, and now my latest move back to LI. I have been home now for over two years. Longer then I have lastest in most places. I think that with so much change in my life I didn't need another change. Pregnancy and Wyatt have kept me stationary. But more recently, I have been thinking alot about moving. Nothing drastic. Just moving out. 

I love living at home. I really do. I love coming home to a full house of people. I don't think I could ever live by myself.  I just wasn't built like that. I love having help with Wyatt.  I love that Wyatt has a team of people that he trusts and loves. In a lot of ways, I feel like I have my cake and am eating it too.  I can be a single mom and have live-in babysitters that allow for spontaneity.  Have adult responsibility in child raising but not house owning.  Have one-on-one bonding time with Wyatt and be able to take little moments of me time when the house is full of people.  It works for me.

And there are things that are not working for me.  Like the insane lack of privacy.  Or the overflowing fountain of questions every single day.  Or that no matter how amazing my relationship with my parents I am still living in their house, with their rules, and their decor.  (Mom and I have a very similar sense in style so decor usually is not a problem.  But lately the living room wallpaper is my sole reason to move out.  It hurts me.  It hurts my soul.)  I am a very independent person, almost to a fault, but living with my parents makes me feel like a child.  My parents motivation enables me to be lazy.  If I was living on my own I would have to mop the floors, pick up toys, take out the trash, mow the lawn, etc, etc, etc.  At home, I know that if I wait long enough someone else will do it.  I'm not proud of it, just a fact.  While I live at home, I remain a child in a lot of respects.

I know there will come a time when I am motivated enough to move on and start my own family.  I know that Wyatt and I are a family but we are members of a larger household at the moment.  To live in a home of my own with a distinct separation from my parents but a life that still includes them would be entirely different.  I really don't know how to phrase it right.  Maybe if I never lived on my own before I wouldn't know the difference or care.  But I have lived on my own.  I know what independence and responsibility feel like and I do not shy away from that.  Besides I like nesting and building a home for myself from the ground up.  

Now that this seed of moving has been planted I can't stop thinking about it and the questions that are rising to the surface.  Like how would moving affect Wyatt?  He is used to having 5 people doting on him at any given moment what happens when that is reduced to one.  Will he constantly be wondering when the rest of his family will come home?  Will he be bored with just me?  Will I go crazy from my only interaction being with a toddler?  Will I ever get a minute of peace?  Will I be terrified?  I can just envision Wyatt running into my room after having a nightmare and me screaming to lock the door.  And the more positive questions like: will I finally get my bed back?  Its endless really.  I could go on for hours.

I adore my parents and am not eager to leave them just eager to gain some of my former independence.  They mean the world to me and no matter how far I have traveled or will travel I will always talk to my mom at least once a day.  Even if its just to talk about the weather.  I couldn't imagine moving far from them.  Maybe just down the road, 15 minutes tops.  I think I need to give myself a goal.  I would like to say in the next 10-15 months.  That seems reasonable for me to get my anxiety under control.  In the meantime, I might paint the living room and be done with the God awful wallpaper. That should hold me over.

The Sprinkler: Our Greatest Investment

My Mommy Rules!

15 Months

Goose,

Look a bus!! I probably have said that about 12 times, every day, for the past 2 weeks. You have become obsessed with school buses. Pointing and yelling everytime you see one. Daddy, Auntie B, you and I went to Ihop (your most favorite place on the planet) and sat in the corner booth with all the windows. It was right around bus time and they were passing every 2 minutes, 2 at a time. You didn't eat a thing you were so excited. It marvels me. I can't remember the last time I was so excited about anything and you find joy in a bus everytime, all day. Then theres the bus stops at the corner of our house. I timed it perfectly and took you outside one afternoon. I thought your head was going to blow off when I leaned over to let you touch the side. And the doors opening, forget it.

I recently read that your brain with triple its capacity by 2 years old. It doesn't seem possible but then I watch you and can actually SEE it growing before my eyes. Gammy was cupping her ear, listening to the birds, and now everytime you hear anything your hand flies up to cover your ears. People who don't know often think you are covering your ears because you're scared. I have to explain that "No, he's pretty fearless. He is telling me he hearing something." You hear everything, the dishwasher, the birds, the cars, the bee's buzzing, a kid laughing down the street - at least I know your ears work. And when something is too loud you "shhh" it with about 3 fingers in front of your mouth. However, you are still hesitant to speak. You've got "mom" down which you use for me and Gammy. You try to say everything else but are not quite there yet. I bet your going to bust out with sentences. You can see it on your face, trying to understand how to form that words that I am saying. You'll get out a syllable or two then move onto another task.

We started a Come Play with Me class at the Y. Its for kids 15-21 months and we play around on mats, have craft time, and story time. I was nervous that you wouldn't be able to keep up with the other kids because you are the youngest by far. The rest of them are around 18-20 months. You're a champ. Those kids have nothing over you. The teacher asked how old you were and then said you were very advanced for your age. She also said you are a "gather." Which I have yet to figure out that defination. You love climbing on the squishy mats and stacking blocks. We went into the big, open, gym and the teacher realesed about 50 large bouncy balls, flying in every direction. You took off running reaching for them in every direction. Once you got one, you would get so surprised and then throw it back out. You could have done that for hours.

I have been working a lot this month. I have also been trying to go out a little more.  Attempting to retain a social life.  Its hard to leave you and most of the time I talk about you more than humanly possible.  I am that girl that goes on and on and on about my boy even when no one else is listening.  But I think my having a little more me time, even if all I do is talk about you, allows me to concentration all my time on you when I'm home.  When I get the opportunity to just be with you, without errands and interruptions, those are the days when I go to bed and think about how happy I am.  How much my life has changed for the better.  How thrill I am that I get to watch you grow, love, and live.  I am so very happy.  It's a great feeling and you must know that you are the very cornerstone of that happiness.

I Love you everyday,

Your Momma

Wyatt Finds Egg. Dumps Candy. Runs.