The Vast Ocean

The biggest problem that I have encountered with my new found dating escapades is when to drop the "Baby Bomb". I am pretty hesitant to say anything at least for the first few dates. Simply because I want to make sure the new guy is focused on dating me and not a creep that wants to meet my son. There are sick people out there. But it's a waiting game. If I wait too long, they might think I am hiding other things or that I am embarrassed about having a child, which couldn't be farther from the truth. Wyatt is the best thing about me. Then sometimes, if I delve too soon, I don't hear from them again. It has happened, several times. "Oh, you have a son! Well, it was nice meeting you." Seriously. Which I guess I would rather know in the beginning then waste my time.

I have a hugely difficult time talking about myself while excluding Wyatt. He is engrained in the fabric that I am made of. I have come to define myself as a mother, everything beyond that has become blurry. Pick the single, most defining aspect of your life, the part that excites you the most, that you think about most constantly, that everything else in your life hinges around and erase it. Then try to carry out several conversations, maybe a date or two, without trying to speak of that one thing or remotely elude to it. Compile that with my deep love of talking about Wyatt and it is near impossible for me. Someone once told me that I light up even speaking his name. Yes, I have interests beyond Wyatt which I tend to focus on but eventually I get the "why" questions. Why do you work 19 hours a week? Why did you move back to LI? Why don't you travel more? Are those fish stickers on your phone? Its kind of hard to juggle around.

Then there is the anxiety that builds once I decide I am going to spill. How should I phrase this? Where is my lead in? How will they take it? Do I answer all the questions that follow? I got "How did you acquire your son?" once. Isn't that the oddest choice of wording! I was on a date about 3 weeks ago. It was going really well, as first dates go, and after 3 drinks I decided that I wanted to tell him about Wyatt. Sooner then I would have but there was an ease of conversation and a comfortability that had promise. So I found an opening and jumped. In the obligatory 5 second pause he took to compose himself, I practically peed with self doubt. He took a deep breath and said "I am honored that you trusted me enough to tell me about your son." VERBATIM, forever etched in my memory. By far the best answer I have gotten and one that made me adore him even more. Then after a few more questions about Wyatt (nothing about how I acquired him) he continues with "I am sure coming out took some planning. So, thank you for spending your night out with me." Swoon. Needless to say, I have seen him a couple times since and would be mortified if he finds this and knows I am writing about him but it is such a good story.