21 Months

My Wyatt,

You are speaking and joining words together to make 2-3 word sentences. This has resulted in a very demanding 21 month old. For example, this morning I happened to mention helicopters as one flew over our house. You immediately grabbed my index finger with your hand and started pulling me towards the door. "Oppatopper, oppatopper! Come on! Come on! Check out. Ryeberry." Which vaguely translates to "Mom, Come on! Lets check out the helicopter movie at the library." You are obsessed with this movie that we have permanently rented. I refuse to spend money on movies this mind numbing. I keep hoping that you are going to forget about it but you have the memory of an elephant. Seriously, we watch it once and when the credits begin to roll, you grab the remote saying "play again, play again." Needless to say, we met up with Kari and Lars Christian and took a walk to the library this morning. I (try to) write this as you are watching your beloved oppatopper movie while simultaneously playing with your cars.

Your eating habits have also taken a downturn with your perfected ability to say no. Don't get me wrong you are a champion eater. I know this is a real problem for some parents and I am glad that I am not one of them. You eat edamame with a passion. Absolutely love your little beanies, as we call them. You

love peas, steak, roasted chicken, blueberries and raspberries. You have your occasional hunger strike where you refuse to eat anything but most of the time your amazing. You also demand what you want. Usually after I have made something else. I will have just made you an organic blueberry toaster waffle and you will run to the refrigerator, pull out eggs and cheese, demanding "eggies". Sometimes I will make the mistake of asking you what you want to eat.

"Grilled cheese?"

"No"

"Dippy, dip with dinosaur chicken?" aka chicken nuggets with ketcup

"No"

"Fish sticks?"

"No. Sharks! Sharks! Sharks! Peese, sharks, peese." Which are shark shaped gummy fruit snacks. How can I say no when you throws a "peese" in there? I'm a sucker, every time I'm a sucker.

I have a new favorite time of day. It used to be putting you to bed, cuddled together, reading books. Then it was the morning before we get up and you wave to the window saying "Hi, sun". But now its bath time. I have always loved bath time but especially when its cold out. I break out the space heater and make our little bathroom a sauna. It feels like the only time I can get warm when its cold out. I think your more comfortable too. You are always so happy at bath time. You tell entire stories, going on and on, even though I rarely can keep up. When you're ready to get out, you push the lever to let the water out, and I grab a towel. I lay the towel on my lap and you stand raising your arms to get picked up. You kneel on my thighs and burry your head into my shoulder. Usually getting me soaking wet in the process. I wrap you and warm you as you hum into my chest. I love smelling your clean goodness. I look forward to that every night.

I have been pretty out of it the last few months, just distant I guess. Gammy says that I have lost my spark. And the commercials say that depression effects everyone. Its not really obvious to the outside world but to the people who really know me, its palpable. But I am starting to feel better, slowly, but starting. I am getting more motivation, laughing more, attempting to regain my social life, and playing with you a whole lot more instead of just watching you play. We went to Friendly's the other day. Just you and I, sitting side by side in a long booth, watching out the window for trucks and school buses. We shared a sundae and you got the whipped cream on your nose. I was so proud to be there with you. Just the two of us, living in the moment, and enjoying life. I am trying to have those moments every day because I know someday you won't laugh when I wipe the whipped cream off your nose and eat it. Thank you for bearing with me while I was in a dark and twisty place. I'm back now. I'm back for you.

I love you everyday.

Mom