Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Uncharted Territory

So, I think it is about time to introduce a new character to the blog.  I have been hesitant to write anything about Drew because it seems as soon as I write about someone I am dating, we end up broken up.  Its the blog curse, I guess.  But I have a gut feeling that this one might be around for a while.  And I think I have put his name out there a few times already....so here goes.

I guess we have, what you'd call, a hot and heavy relationship.  We have only been dating for 6 months and it moved into serious material sooner then I would have hoped.  But it just kind of happened.  We just clicked.  And I just kinda let it.  He is a good man with kind heart and I find it easy to trust him.  So, when Drew proposed to meet Wyatt and I at a diner about a month into our relationship, I said yes.  He knew about Wyatt before I met him (it was a set up via mutual friends) which made it SO MUCH EASIER to navigate the "I have a son" scenario.  It just felt right. We went. I was nervous. This was the first man that I dated that I introduced Wyatt to.  Of course, Wyatt took to Drew right from the beginning.  Then without knowing much about Wyatt, Drew asks if he would like to see some fire trucks.  Drew is a volunteer fireman.  Wyatt's eyes lit up like Drew had just produced Christmas morning in a dirty diner booth.  I was so impressed how patient Drew was, how thoughtful, and at ease he seemed with the entire situation.  Then a few days later, Drew asked if we would like to visit him at work so Wyatt could see all the trucks (he works for the town).  We spent about 3 hours there; visiting every truck on site.  Wyatt rode on diggers, worked a dump truck, helped drive a pay-loader.  Kid talked about it for DAYS.


Then, I freaked out.  Cause that's what I do.  And proceeded to Google child molesters and convicted felons.  Because Wyatt is my son.  And even though I had NO VIABLE reason for assuming anything.  Hell, we met through mutual friends that know both of us very well.  I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to him on my watch.  Especially something preventable.

And then I calmed down a bit. Mostly because Wyatt just adores him.  But as our relationship progresses, it brings more issues to light.  I have brought this man into Wyatt's life.  Wyatt doesn't know that there is a possibility that he might leave.  That maybe he should be a little guarded.  Wyatt is in this with his whole self.  He talks about Drew.  He makes Drew pictures at school.  He brings in Drew's dirt bike magazines for show-n-tell.  If you ask Wyatt what he wants to do when he grows up he says "I want to be a dump truck man and a fire truck man like Drew." He loves this man with his whole heart.  Is it foolish of me to let them get close?  Am I setting him up for disappointment?  Do I want this to last because they are close, because they get along so well?

I love Drew.  We have a great time together.  He keeps me focused when my life feels blurry around the edges.  He's not perfect but neither am I.  But having Wyatt makes dating more complicated.  It is not just about if I love Drew.  Its also about if he's a good influence for Wyatt (which I think he is).  If Wyatt feels safe with Drew.  If Drew understands the parenting lines, which often get blurred when there are a lot of adults around.  Its about Drew accepting that I will always put Wyatt first.  That my future is based on Wyatt's needs and not my own wants.  Its about Wyatt and I as a package deal.

We are both very blessed to have Drew in our lives.  And I am everyday grateful to have Wyatt and Drew get along as well as they do.  To have someone love me and my son.  Most of all, I am excited to have someone change the oil in my car.  I hate to be pessimistic and generally I try not to start a relationship predicting how it will end.  I hope it won't end but at 6 months in I think it is ok to not be 100% sure.  Sometimes I feel like I need to be 100% sure for Wyatt.  Because Wyatt is %110 sure.  I'm at a lost for how this works.  Completely uncharted territory.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

41 Months

My Wyatt,

This summer is passing in a blur of hot and hazy play-dates.  Michael and Gianna from next door knock almost every morning at 10am to see if you are ready to play.  Most of the time, I let them in and the day begins.  Sometimes I sequester you to the backyard, others give you the full run of the house.  (Really it depends on how much I feel like cleaning.) You share all your toys so well and you have never been over their house so they never have to share theirs.  Every once and a while you have a meltdown over something new but they are over EVERYDAY so I think your doing pretty well.  You really enjoy having playmates.  Sometimes when I finally make them go home you start crying.  You have asked me several times to have a sleep over with Gianna.  Personally, I'm not against it.  Just am not positive how to orchestrate it.  Does she sleep in your bed?  On the floor?  Do we pitch a tent in the living room and call it camping?  Do I have to chaperone all night?  What's the protocol for a 3 and 4 year old sleep over?

The other night Gianna was over for dinner.  (Not entirely unusual.  I'm sure she would eat here every night if I let her.) Gammy had grilled some shrimp. I asked Gianna if she had shrimp before (yes) and let her go to town.  About 10 minutes later she says she's itchy.  Of course, classic tale of neighbors kid lies and eats something new, has an allergic reaction.  I walked her back to her house and her mom swears to me its fine and she has definitely had shrimp before.  I was mortified.  I guess I should have called over there first.  I felt a little better when she thanked me for telling her but didn't thank me for feeding her kid dinner.  They will buy you ice pops every once and a while so I guess it evens out.  (By the way, she was back over the house the next day at 9am.  Maybe it was just mosquito bites)

You attended a short, 2 week, summer camp at a local church.  I was mildly nervous because: 1, you had never been there before, 2, you were the only new kid in a group of 20, and 3, you didn't know anyone.  On the first day we arrived early so you could scope out the huge gym with tricycles.  Camp started at 9:30 and I was out the door by 9:35.  It was incredible.  You are just so confident and enthusiastic.  And you LOVED this camp.  The staff adored you and told me so all of the 10 days you were there.  I really liked their program.  I loved that there was a playground and a gym in case of bad weather.  St. Johns only has the playground.  I got me thinking that I should move you.  But if I did, I would shave 5 hours off my work week with the commute and late start time alone.  Then, I feel so guilty putting my needs in front of your own.  You love St. Johns but you loved St. Gerts too.  And the friends you make at St. Gerts would most likely be the kids you start kindergarden with.  I think maybe in the 4's program, I'll switch you over.  I sometimes wish you could just tell me what you wanted.

I had the great pleasure of attending Mia's wedding this month.  As luck would have it, it was a Christmas in July wedding and the Big Man paid a visit.  I am not one to ever miss out on a teaching moment.  When I got home I mentioned this to you which at first you didn't believe.  I showed you a picture.  I told you that I told Santa what an amazing boy you are.  But Santa was a little upset that you still used a binky.  Santa said maybe he could only bring you baby toys since you still used a baby binky.  You haven't touched your binky since.  When you asked for it last night, I told you I didn't know where it was.  You didn't ask again. I am not proud of lying to you. But hell, if it stops you from using that damn binky, it will be my most ingenious parenting idea yet.  And trust me, I am sure you will do the same with your kids.  (Mia - thank you so much for this amazing opportunity to bribe my child with a mid-year visit from Santa.  I owe you one!)


I know that I have a tendency to be a somewhat lax parent that is desperately trying to pull in the reigns.  I'll make you something different for dinner if you ask.  I'll buy you that matchbox if it gets you through the grocery store.  I still get you dressed and sit with you in the bathroom reading you books while you poop.  You rarely get time outs because you rarely misbehave and I like to pick my battles.  I think that you are finally understanding that you have it pretty sweet.  When we were grocery shopping, you asked me if you could open the bag of pretzels to eat in the store.  Of course, open them up.  Your whole face lit up, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!!"  Honestly like I just gave you $100.  Sometimes if I am sitting on the floor, you will jump in my lap and give me a hug.  Or come up with elaborate adventures for us to go on asking "That's a good idea?"  You say I'm beautiful when I am trying on dresses at the store.  You ask to hold my hand while you are falling asleep.  I know we have our fighting moments.  Times when you're not so sweet and I might consider offering you in the free Craigslist section.  But for the most part; after you're asleep and I reflect on the day, I remember the happy moments. And most of the time, I come to the conclusion that I am genuinely over-the-moon happy.  I hope you are too.

I love you everyday,
Mom

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Balls....


Cousin William turned 2 at the end of June.


There was a huge party.  Much fun was had.  Much drinking was done.


Why, oh, why do our kids have to grow up?  I am wishing for a few more baby years.  And maybe a pool.  And perhaps palm trees and pina coladas.  Girl can dream, right?