Dump4U - Details to follow...

Halloween Prep

The Happy Couple

Michael and Joanna got married last week.  It was a small ceremony, and by small I mean parents and witnesses.  After dinner they invited some family and a few friends to celebrate at a bar in NYC.  Since Michael is a Priest they plan to doing a blessing ceremony with the Bishop sometime in the spring.  I was really proud of them for making their wedding about them.  I feel like weddings and sweet 16's and parties in general are becoming more about the pressure to have a big party rather then the gut feeling of who is throwing it.  It was really nice to see Michael and Jo do exact what they wanted without making excuses or apologies.

Of course, at the bar, I was watching them.  They were so happy, like radiating happy, (and forsaking all things sappy) radiating love.  Joanna wore this black strapless dress with trophies and blue ribbons all over it because she was a "Trophy Wife".  I have no idea where she got it but it was quite hysterical.  And Michael had a pocket square to match his suit and her shoes.  It was like they were magnetically attached.   Even if they were back to back, Jo's hand would reach out to find Michael's.  Michael was staring at her all night.  When they weren't attached Michael would sit and watch Jo move.  It is rare to see Michael so engrossed in thought, so contemplative, and so utterly at peace.  It made the gesture all the more astounding.  It makes me well up thinking of someone loving you so much they just want to watch the way you move.

I hate to make this all egotistical.  I am so happy for them but I am just a little sad and mopey for me.  Not that their married, no.  It was seeing a couple so happy just made this hollow pit in my stomach ache as I realized I might never have that.  (It is so obnoxious that I am making this about me.  I have never mentioned these feeling to anyone and now I am touting them on my blog.  Eh) I can feel myself becoming that bitter, lonely, desperate, love-less person and I hate it.  It is getting harder and harder for me to believe in a happy ending.  Maybe I will never find a person that I want to marry.  Sometimes I am ok with that and other times it just makes me sad and lonely thinking I might never find someone to share my life with.  I told someone the other day that I was saving up for a down payment on a house because I can't wait for a mythical fairy prince to sweep me off my feet and make a home with me.  How hopelessly realistic and bitter is that?  It makes me cringe but that is the honest to God place I am at right now.

I am not fishing for compliments or searching for a date.  I just needed to vent a little.  My situation seems a little bleak at the moment.  I don't really have time or motivation to invest in dating.  And it is super unrealistic to think that the man of my dreams is going to knock on my door or drive by on a tractor.  And it would take a pretty selfless man to willingly accept position number 2 on my priority list when Wyatt is so clearly NUMBER ONE (in caps because this is where he will remain and reign).  I keep on reminding myself to be patient and positive but it is just so damn hard sometimes.  Someone recommended that I read Meeting Your Half-Orange.  But the thought of reading a dating/self-help book is making me more depressed instead of optimistic.  Maybe I will give it a try.  If anything it might help to learn how to keep the jaded bitterness out of voice.

The Colors of the Wind

I was in the kitchen making lunch.  Then I realized I was talking to myself and the entire house was quiet.  I found Wyatt sitting on the stairs experimenting with my eyeshadow.  The pictures don't really do it justice.  He was COVED.  Then we laughed and laughed and laughed.

Summer Re-cap

 Just one of the guys.

Trying to stay cool.  I love Pup's strategic pose.

Playing pretend doggies with our Aussie cousin Isabel.

Running through the fields of Calicoon. 

Summer....we'll miss you.  Come back soon.

32 Months

Big Guy,

You are loving school so, so, so much just like I knew you would.  You bound in the door every day and barely have enough time to kiss me goodbye.  It was Sunday and I was heading off to work.  Gammy came down to watch you and asked you if you were excited to stay home with her for the day.  You told her you were going to school.  When we told you that it wasn't a school day, you demanded that it WAS a school day and that the kids were waiting for you.  I think maybe its time to start taking you to Sunday school.  I just hope that you are still so involved and in love when you get to high school.

So, I have a confession to make.  I've watched you at school.  Three times already.  I know.  I'm kind of stalking you.  But I swear I just do it because you are so damn cute.  The first time I was working in the kitchen at St. John's.  The sink has a lovely window over it looking directly out onto the school playground.  (This kitchen is my DREAM kitchen so I actually enjoy spending time in there.  Oh the cabinet space....don't get me started.)  I was mindlessly washing dishes and watching the kids on the play ground.  It was 5 minutes or so before the kids' faces clicked and I knew I was watching your class.  Then I found you bounding joyfully, running with these two other blond/blue boys then resting your belly on a swing.  Mrs. Schwab picked you up and she pushed you on the swing for a while before you were off and running again.  I watched you darting around as I jumped between the kitchen, the door, and the hallway trying to keep you in my line of vision. When the teacher asked the class to line up you were one of the first by the gate.  Then you made your way up the stairs holding on to the rail just like I asked you to.  I was (am!) so proud of you!  Now that I know you are on the playground from 10:45 to 11:30 everyday I just might happen to peek out the window a bit.  Don't be mad.  You just so cute and independent and swinging all by yourself.

I also signed you up for a story time at the Big Library (as you call it, in the town over).  I feel like I am cheating on our smaller hometown library but one of the boys you like to play with at school does story time and I thought you would enjoy it.  Turns out you really do.  And you are a superb listener.  The Librarian was distributing name tags usually finding the child in the crowd.  When she called your name, you jumped straight up raising you hand up to the sky excitedly saying "That's me!!  That's me!  I'm Wyatt."  The Librarian was so surprise and excited to see such enthusiasm at story time.  It is so lovely to watch you in this school environment.  I get a glimpse of what you must be like at school.  You follow directions so well.  Even if you don't know the song their singing, you try to mimic the hand gestures and sing the words you catch onto.  Eager, I think is the best word.  Eager to learn and to please and to experience absolutely everything that surrounds you.

As a testament to my reading a lot post, I was reading while you were waking up and watching TV.  You saw me take out the book.  Took the book out of my hands and threw it behind the couch.  I had told myself that seeing me read would instill a love of reading in you.  But in that one decisive action, I realized if my reading was taking away from your MomMom time, you might not ever read again.  I have been making a conscience effort to only read on my time now.  Cause you, my love, are a far better story then any book.  As we were getting up one morning, you stopped getting off the bed to look me right in the eyes, "I like you." you said to me.  "You like me?  Well, I like you too bud."  "I like you cause you put my pants on evereyday."  How amazing to be liked for such a mundane task?!  Not because I love you or because I play with you or even because I let you eat ice cream and M&M's.  But because I get you dressed everyday.  How amazing that you are able to express a because statement younger then 3?  I just can't get enough of you.

I love you everyday,
Mom-mom

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