Even in the hospital and hooked up to IVs, I was the brunt of jokes. Everyone was joking about Terry coming home so soon after Wyatt's birth and the possibility of Irish twins. Ha, bloody, haha. Even Dr. Diaz made a comment. One of my big concerns during pregnancy was the state of my vagina after birth. The best description of what I envisioned was an exploded firecracker. Not to freak people out who haven't had kids but that is pretty much how it felt.
Now, about 8 weeks post-delivery, I am feeling all put back together. I had a doctor's appointment last Monday and she gave me the OK to start having 'relations'. I didn't know people still used that terminology. Regardless of the phrasing, it is nice to know that everything is back where it should be and that I am still functioning. However, knowing that house is nice and clean doesn't mean I want any visitors just yet. If you know what I am saying.
My body still feels all out of whack. My stomach is all stretched out and my belly button is huge. I still have that dark line down my belly. Sometimes I am reminded of a kangaroo when I look at my shrunken self. I am stuck between being self conscience and being proud. I feel like my pouch is a badge of honor detailing what my body has been through. But yet I am nervous about what others would think of my naked body. Bathing suits terrify me. In terms of sex, I have been through such an amazing but none the less traumatic event. I am having trouble thinking of myself as a sexual being again. Not to mention, if anyone even thinks about touching my boobs they will get milk in their face.
Most women that I know have body image issues. I am no exception. I have always overcompensated for my negative self image with a brazen personality. As if they could balance each other out. That being said I always loved being naked. I would get out of the shower, even at 9 months pregnant, and wander around my room naked for a good hour before getting dressed. Now, I avoid looking at my naked self in the mirror. I get dressed in the bathroom. I just ordered a Pilate's with baby video maybe that will help me gain more confidence. Maybe I need a few more months to get comfortable in this new skin.
Kate - Remember the old saying - beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Your beauty radiates both from the inside and out. You are looking marvelous!!!
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Kate check out http://theshapeofamother.com/
ReplyDeleteI hear the body issues thing loud and clear. I started a poll on my blog about whether one had a positive or negative body image...you can guess which side is winning.
ReplyDeleteI gained 60 plus with twins so my body was WAY out of shape after the birth. Even now, my stomach looks different and my belly button looks odd. I coasted for a long time on "My body is amazing because it gave birth," but now the summer is coming and bathing suits and I am no longer pumped up on accolades like that!
Honestly, the one motivation I have right now to fixing my own body image issues is the fact that I have two daughters and I in no way want them growing up with body image issues. I want them to be proud. So that means I need to get there too. And fast.
Your little boy is getting SO big!